New Year's Revolution

In the past, I have not kept my resolutions. Sure... just like Everyoneelse, I start out strong... for maybe two weeks... and then it's back to old habits and patterns and the next year turns out just like the previous year when it comes to anything I can control myself. This year, I'm trying a little reverse psychology. That way, I can spend the first fourteen days of January being exactly who I am now, and then spend the rest of it trying to change the things about me that I feel need to be... well... resolved. So here goes...

In 2006, I will NOT, nomatterhowhardItryandyoucan'tmakeme:

• lose weight (or "get healthy," as some of you might pretend that is the real reason for eating better foods and exercising, and not the fact that you want your ass to look better in jeans)
• talk less about myself and listen more about others (in other words, I will always make sure to turn any comment made by any person into something about myself, and be sure to always respond to people with, "That reminds me of the time I..." and "Oh yeah, that happened to me once and..."
• do my capstone project by May so that I can really actually get my reallyreal pieceofpaper Master's degree
• stop living with my parents (because, really, what is more attractive and admirable than a 25-year-old living with Mom and Dad?)
• like guys with whom I am compatible and who show an interest in me, but rather, I will choose the ones who keep me guessing as to their feelings for me and I will make sure to turn into Crazy Girl while trying to be aloof and pretend like I don't care, except for when I reveal my Actual Caring Feelings to my IIFs (that made no sense, but just go with me here)

If any of you catch me actually doing these things, please stage some type of intervention.

Hope you all party like it's 1999*! Have a happy and healthy 2006!

* except without the impending doom of Y2K.

Next year...

... I am not staying home for winter break. I don't care if I am totally broke and need to hitchhike out of here. I am getting away. And it's not because it's so terrible here or anything. It's because when you stay home during vacation time, there is an overwhelming sense that you need to be productive. Get things done. Clean something you've been putting off cleaning. Do extra things for work that you haven't had time to truely put thought into because you've been telling yourself, "ah, I'll just work on it over break."

When you go somewhere on vacation, you can relax. You can spend money. You can eat fattening things. You can be lazy.

Get ready for me, Canada. December, 2006, I'll be arriving by some random 18-wheeler with a trucker named Bud.

Meet Loopy*

He is named for his curly tail and affinity for cheap wine**.

Go ahead. Play with him! And don't pretend like you're not going to make him roll around in the mud and feed him an apple every time you visit. And also don't pretend like you're not going to click the link under him and check out every possible virtual pet that you can adopt. You're not that cool. You have a blog too.

*If you can't see, scroll down and look right. You'll find him.
** Like me! (except I have curly hair and no tail...)

Santa, Baby

Last night I was on the phone with the girls I babysat over the summer (remember them?), and I was talking to 7YearOld (who is now 8YearOld) and I said, "Oh, guess what! I saw Santa over New Jersey a few minutes ago! He MUST be close to Pennsylvania by now!!" and she said, quite excitedly, "Reeeaaaalllllllyyy??!!!!!!" And it was fun for me because I really never got to pretend to anyone that there was a Santa because everyone in my family is either Jewish or Jehovah's Witness*. And then I got on the phone with 5YearOld (who is now 6YearOld) and told her the same thing, and she said,

"Um, well. I just saw Santa at church. And he gave me a magnet. So..."

Hmmm... Guess I can't fool you. He must have been just starting his rounds...

Anyway, I hope that Santa brings you all what you want!

Merry Christmas from the Frizz Chronicles!

* True story!

At least someone loves me...

And that someone is Janie, because she is the one who tagged me! And since it's Christmas Eve and I don't celebrate Christmas or have a boyfriend with whom to partake in Christmas travels, here I sit, in front of my blog, at 10:15, December 24. Actually, that sounds depressing. I'm alright with it, really. I'm Jewish. Christmas is not my holiday. And also, I find filling out memes amusing, because I crack myself up way more than I crack anyone else up. So it's all good.

2 names you go by:

1. Jess
2. Pooh (or Poopty-doopty-doooooooooo!!!! if you are my dad - Ican'tbelieveIjustadmittedthat)

2 parts of your heritage:

1. Scottish (says my dad... whose last name we have... but we still insist we are Irish)
2. the Jewish Mix

2 of your everyday essentials:

1. my watch (I feel nekkid without it!)
2. a cup of nasty, over Splenda'd instant coffee, which I take a few sips of (enough to take my daily meds) and then let sit on my dresser until it gets cold, and then take a sip and cringe at the cold, nastyness of it

2 things you are wearing right now:

1. pink polka dot VS flannel PJ pants (no undies)
2. the matching pink 3/4 sleeve shirt... it's pink though, not polka dotted

2 of your favorite bands or musical artists (at the moment):

1. I haven't really been into music lately, which is sad...
2. ...so I'm not able to answer this question (help with artist suggestions!)

2 of your favorite songs (at the moment):

1. Jingle Bell Rock by Peggy Lee, and only by Peggy Lee
2. Letter Read by Rachael Yamagata (old, but while no one else was home today, I was walking around belting it out)

2 things you want in a relationship (other than real love):

1. a mutual ability to make each other laugh... like HARD... until we almost pee (but not actually, beacuse I'm not into that kinda stuff)
2. trust (obviously)

2 physical things that appeal to you (in the opposite sex):

1. a sexy mouth
2. a huggable body

2 of your favorite hobbies:

1. scrapbooking
2. scarily enough... blogging. God, I really AM a dork. No wonder I'm single!

2 things you want really badly:

1. to find true love
2. to win the lottery (even though I never play...)

2 places you want to visit:

1. anyplace tropical (since I've never been anywhere tropical)
2. Canada (I saw what happened when Christine didn't mention Canada... she got a verbal smack down by Anika... My momma didn't raise no fool.)

2 things you want to do before you die:

1. travel around the world
2. raise children without screwing them up too terribly

2 ways that you are stereotypically a chick:

1. I am a whole-hearted believer in retail therapy
2. I look at myself in the mirror, a lot

2 ways that you are stereotypically not a chick:

1. I love to construct things... specifically Ikea furniture... but I'd go for something more difficult if it didn't involve sanding or math (there is the stereotypically chick part of the stereotypically not a chick answer)
2. I get lost all the time (except I actually ask for directions)

2 things you are thinking about now:

1. damn, this meme is taking me a long time
2. the lyrics to The Grinch are funny... Stink! Stank! Stunk!

2 stores you shop at:

1. Target, who is a huge supporter of the Republican party, which upsets me, but DAMN their awesome products!!!
2. New York & Co.

2 people I would like to see take this quiz:

1. Meg, because the girl never updates her freaking blog and if she doesn't start doing it more freqently, I'm not going to check anymore because her number on her counter is going up from all the times I check and have nothing new to read... hmph.
2. Dino, because he also never updates his blog, and I am interested to see what he writes for the questions about being stereotypically a chick ;o)

Check Your Ears

I haven't had much to say this week, because not much has happened... Then, it's only Wednesday, so maybe the week will get more eventful. Hopefully in a good way.

Yesterday, one of my students (my only girl, who just comes to me for Reading) was sitting next to me and touching my hair (she is quite distractible), and she told me I had earwax. I didn't know whether to be embarrassed or appreciative, considering she's 7. I decided to be appreciative, because hey, everyone has earwax sometimes. It's kinda like if someone tells you about the spinach in your teeth or that your fly is down. You are embarrassed that you are so oblivious to your Own Self that you are committing that kind of faux pas in the first place, but glad that someone cared enough to tell you about it.

People find me... (Part II)

... when they search for:

• how should i eat to grow and ripped (huh?)
• Nut Tossies (because of Al's comment about her favorite holiday food)
• janky dope wanker (for obvious reasons)

Why I Am Who I Am

Today I was in kind of a rush while I was getting ready for work, and I guess my mom realized this and decided to pack me lunch. Now, I've pretty much been packing my own lunch since I was tall enough to reach the counter and the peanut butter and the jelly and not stab myself with a butter knife, so it was a nice surprise. And what was an ever nicer surprise was when I got to work, opened my lunch, and found a petit four in a little snack baggie that had "Have a good day! Love, Mom" written on it.

Totally made me feel special (and I'm 24). All moms should do that.

Untitled... because I'm not feeling creative.

Today, one of my students gave all of the other students (you know... all 4 of them) the finger while being removed from the classroom (which involves being held by one person under the arms, and another person holding the legs, and being taken to a padded room in which there are no desks to flip and the walls are soft enough to bang your head against without inflicting serious injury - it sounds creepier and more mental-institution than it actually is). I found it kind of surprising that with everything these kids see while being in a class with other "behaviorally disabled" students, someone giving them the finger is what shocked them into gape-mouthed silence. I almost wish I could teach entire lessons while flipping them the bird.

Street Smarts

I usually consider myself to be a pretty smart girl when it comes to the streets... you know... in a "walk quickly like you know where you are going, and make sure you are aware of who is behind you" kinda way. So why is it that when I am by myself and waiting for the train at 3 in the morning, I seem to look so approachable that random people (and specifically last night, random old men) want to talk to me? And along those lines... why do I tell them things about myself?

For example.

"What were you doing tonight?" Okay, this question doesn't seem too dangerous to answer, as I am no longer hanging out with my friend at a bar, so you can't stalk me.

"Oh, okay. I know where that place is. Where do you get off the train?" Well now we've already begun a conversation... and I mean, I'm just getting off the train there. Who cares if you could get off at the same stop and follow me to my car. You could do that anyway, just by seeing where I get off the train. So I might as well tell you.

"Oh! I'm buying a house in that town. It's a great place!" Well, now you've got me. Because the town that I take the train from happens to also be the town where I want to move, when I stop living with Parents. I have to talk about how cute it is, and how I like the restaurants and little shops and the fact that I could walk to the train station and wouldn't have to worry about drinking too much when I am in the city because I have to drive 20 minutes home after I get off the train. Plus, it's closer to work.

"Ah... where do you work?" Why do I make conversation with Random Old Guy that leads into more conversation with Random Old Guy? But anyway, I'm a teacher in Nearby Town.

"Nearby Town? Right next to Most Dangerous City in the Country?" Yup. That's the one.

"Do you also live in Nearby Town?" Oh, no. I live in Further Down the Highway Town. Oops! Why couldn't I just stop at No? Because now you know where I am getting off the train, the town where I work, the town where I live now, the town where I am going to be living... oh, and while we're at it, why don't I tell you...

"Do you have a boyfriend?" To lie, or not to lie? I'm a regular George Washington*. Nope, no boyfriend. At this point I realize that I had better fix this, because no, Random Old Guy, I do not want you to ask for my number. Um, but there's someone on deck.

"Did you put him on deck, or did he put you on deck?" Oh, I put him on deck. I'm quite choosy, so there is no point in asking for my number.

Annnnd here is the train, so I will now get on and sit in the very front seat where there are people in all of the surrounding seats so you can't sit next to me and keep talking. And I will take my keys out of my purse before I get off the train and make sure that I am holding them so they stick out through my fingers so that if you try anything I can claw at your face.

Because I'm street smart like that.

*I'm not sure how much of the BS part of American history they teach in other countries, but in America, we learn stories like how our first president cut down his father's cherry tree, and then fessed up to it, saying, "I cannot tell a lie." He obviously set a great example for all the honest politicians to follow.

Finally Finished!

Well all, I know you have been routing for me, and I'm proud to report that I have finally crossed the last drink off of my list of Starbucks Holiday Favorites to try. It's been tough, but I have painstakingly worked my way through a grande of each warm, creamy bevvie*.

My favorite? The Gingerbread Latte. Reminds me of dipping a gingerbread man in my coffee... one. limb. at. a. time. Then the head. Mm. Mm. MMM!

* Janie-slang

Holiday Cheer

Okay, now I feel really bad that the lady who hit my car is now going to have to fork over the money during the holidays. She was really nice, and I really don't think she realized she hit my car, with a hitch on the back of her SUV and her daughter playing music in the car and stuff. I want Santa to bring her family a bag of money.

In other news, one of my students was, apparently, a cat in a past life. He clawed up my hand pretty good today while I was carrying him into the Time Out room (assisted by two other people... I had his legs, but his hand happened to be free), and he did it all while hissing. It kinda hurts.

My Car is Cursed

So I haven't been blogging long enough to do a fancy list of exhibits like Anika did, complete with links, but I do have a pretty hefty set of evidence* that my car is cursed, by way of my own, unblogged experience.

• Exhibit A: While driving on the Parkway, I was hit from behind while slowing up for a toll booth. The driver claimed I slammed on my brake... which would have been pretty rediculous to do, considering all the traffic and the fact that I couldn't move fast enough to even require a brake. (Not my fault.)
• Exhibit B: While I was in Florida, my dad was driving my car, and someone stopped to make a left hand turn where you can't make a left hand turn, and my dad likes to tailgate (though he denies it) and he hit the guy. (Not my fault.)
• Exhibit C: AcrossTheStreetNeighbor backed out of her driveway, right into my car. She said she didn't see my car and that it was parked too far from the curb. I maintain that with the 2 feet of snow on the ground, I couldn't get any closer to the curb, and that my bright blue car should have stood out just fine when it was completely surrounded by white. (Not my fault.)
• Exhibit D: DiagonallyToTheRightNeighbor wakes me up in the middle of the night to tell me she saw a big, dark SUV hit my car and keep going. We called the police. They played CSI: Cinnaminson for a little. Turned out to be a neighbor down the street who was driving home drunk from a bar, where he went after a fight with his wife. He was very honest about this in the police report when he turned himself in the next day, when he was no longer drunk. Very noble of him. (Not my fault.)
• Exhibit E: This very morning, DiagonallyToTheRightNeighbor (who is starting to remind me of that neighbor on Bewitched who was always staring out her window) called to tell us that last night, someone dropping off one of AcrossTheStreetNeighbor's kids backed into my car while pulling out of the driveway, and kept going.

Now, I'm gonna go with a (Not my fault.) on this one too... but my neighbor apparently thinks differently.

When my dad went across to ask who has a dark SUV, ATSNeighbor claimed not to know, and said, "I asked her not to park there anymore." Yeah hi. How is this my fault? I am parked on the street, in front of my house. And, oh, I just checked-- you also have two cars parked on the street in front of your house. Funny how we look where we are going when we pull out of our driveway. It's really quite useful. You should try it. Helps you not to hit stuff.

In any case, CSI: Cinnaminson will be on the job again, because if they don't get back to us by the end of the day with a phone number and address of whoever dropped off their kid last night, we'll be calling the police. Sucks for that person, because there is no way I am paying my own $500 deductable, especially when I have holiday gifts to buy.

In the meantime, I'll be driving this:

* Christine, please feel free to correct this sentence into some fancy-schmancy lawish sentence... because this probably isn't even evidence and those probably aren't even exhibits.

Another wacked out thing about me...

I am allergic to lots.

Like seriously. Remember how on that show The Wonder Years, Paul (who everyone later said grew up to be Marilyn Manson, but I have my doubts about that) was allergic to everything? Okay, well maybe you didn't watch that show with the great attention to detail that I did. But Paul had some issues when it came to eating. Apperently his allergy issues helped him stay skinny (which I am just assuming because it's a TV show and in actuality, he probably could eat whateverhewanted, the jerk). My allergies are not so kind. I am allergic to the following, only in their raw forms (but not in their cooked/canned/processed forms):

• Carrots
• Apples
• Cherries
• Peaches
• Pears
• Plums
• Anyother tree fruit except citrus (which make my lips burn when I eat them anyway because of my allergy to:)
• Pollen
• Ragweed
• Dust (which all cause me to be a creepy mouth-breather)(all which have nothing to do with my newly acquired allergy to:)
• Soy (but only in some forms... Soy sauce? Sure! Protein bars and shakes? Not so much.)(which is kind of, but not really related to the allergy I just discovered the other day, which is:)
• Macademia nuts (I was having some Harry & David Moose Munch- the White Chocolate Macademia Nut kind- and having no problems, and then crunched down on a nut, and immediately got all itchy in my mouth, throat, and ears.)
• Oh and how about my skin allergies to everythingscentedunderthesun?

So when I complain about my snacking habits being the cause of my inability to lose weight (among other exuses), and people tell me, "Why don't you snack on something healthy instead, like carrots or celery?" Yeah, no. But thanks for the suggestions. And I don't know why the sudden hostility, because really, I'm not upset about it.

:oD See? Big smile.

On the topic of food... What is your favorite holiday treat? Like the one that when the holidays are coming you think "YES! I can't wait until Blanky Blankerson makes her famous Blankety Blanks!" Just curious...

Thanks!

I got my snow day! Had a day filled with making Christmas cards and doing laundry and being in my pj's alllllll daaaaaay... I knew that our combined forces of pleading with Mama Nature and praying to God would have to do something! That's the beauty of having a multi-spriritual bloggership.

Prayers, please!

Hi guys,

I could really use your help.

I need, NEED to have a snowday tomorrow. We're supposed to get 3-6 inches, and I know it's supposed to come early and disappear by afternoon, which makes the possibility of a delayed opening more likely than an actual full out snowday... but I really really need an extra day this weekend to make my Christmas cards and clean my room before my organizer comes for the last time and yells at me.*

Please help me out by praying for lots and lots of snow in the northeast region. Or maybe be more specific and ask for "enough to give Jess a snowday." That should be sufficient.

Thanks!

*Okay, my room kinda looks like a bomb expoloded again, but I am confident that once I clean up all the clothes and do my laundry, it'll be in pretty good shape... There aren't random baking pans and pieces of trash everywhere like there used to be, and now I have a place for everything.

And speaking of hair...

Would it be gross if I just stopped shaving my legs* until there is going to be someone other than myself touching them? It's really cold out...

* but not my underarms because bacteria grows there, as well as layers of deodorant unless you scrub really hard. And don't pretend like you don't know what I'm talking about.

The Tortoise and the Hair

Despite the fact that my new job is making me even more girly and high-maintenence than ever (hi- acrylic nails?), I seem to be a bit slow (like a tortoise- the only connection to my title- heh) on the upkeep when it comes to my hair. Here is the evidence (the rest of the picture was too horrid for me to post):



Note the nasty frizziness, ratty ends, layers-in-shambles, dull color, and over-gelling in an attempt to mask the frizziness and ratty ends.

And so it was time. I called, scheduled the cut, and decided to go for a chocolately brown with some caramel highlights. In short, because we all know I have food issues, I wanted my head to look like a dessert.

Here is the result:

* Image deleted. Boo :o(

(and in my room, because that's where I take most of my pictures of myself, where no one can see how vein I am, just snapping pictures and blogging about myself all the time)

I have to say, I'm a fan. The hairdresser gave me exactly what I asked for, but somehow the color turned out differently than I had pictured. Next time I think I will bring a photo of someone famous who has the hair I want.

Or.
OR!!!

I'll post a bunch of pictures of different celebrities and have YOU guys pick the style for me! And I'll have to do it becauseyouvotedandthat'sfinal.

But I'm not scheduled for another 8 weeks, so maybe you'll forget about that by then.

Okay, I Lied

I'm not really an Independant Woman. I'm not really over HK. And I'm not going to talk about it anymore. Do not throw your hands up at me.

He Wasn't So Heavenly

(Beacuse I'm sure you were all on the edges of your international seats after that Dreary Mood post.)

So.

HK was mad sweet at first. He said nice things, seemed kinda charming, made me laugh occasionally (like it's hard). He was cute too- in an almost grown up frat guy kinda way. And he sent me a text message every morning telling me to have a nice day at work.

Anyway, to make a long story short, he suddenly went completely broke (and no, I didn't make him that way) and never asked me out anymore and stopped sending me texts "to save money." I am not a gold digger, so I was like, Whatev- you're having a hard time- I'll buy dinner tonight- it'sonlyfairanyway because you paid the last few times.

And so then he really stopped calling, and only would ever IM me, and would complain about how bored he was and I'd be like, "Well if you want to hang out, give me a call." And he wouldn't ever call. Instead, he'd send me another IM in a couple hours about how bored he was again.

So I confronted, because I read He's Just Not That Into You, and that book says it doesn't matter what else is going on in a guy's life, that if he is really into you, he will do what he can to get you and don't make excuses for him. Basically, he said he does like me, which is why he kept IMing me (because I was like, wtf, if you don't like me, why do you keep IMing me? Just let it go if you don't), but that he's "not himself lately" and doesn't know why.

And how can I know the person I'm dating if he doesn't even know himself?

Admittedly, I was bummed... and it is kind of a disappointment, because it's rare that I date a guy and actually feel like it might go somewhere. But I'm cool now. My Independant Woman-ness took over. Throw your hands up at me.

And anyway. I have a date with someone else tomorrow :o)

Update on the Faves*

Tried the Chai Eggnog Latte today. Too noggy. Not a fan.

*Like you care.

Too Fun Not to Do!*

I Googled "Jessica needs," and here is what came up:

• an adoptive family that is very structured
• to keep her mouth shut sometimes instead of just blurting out whatever is in her head
• to be left alone
• some coaching
• to get a kidney fast
• to return to music that showcases her voice and emotional depths
• to grow a back bone
• cash
• to rethink her position on doing adult films
• to spend a lot of time just kissing Helen in order to get used to the idea
• clothing and a gift for baby
• to take special care to keep it in good shape
• to read more books
• some help

There are a couple really good ones in there! I'll leave the commentary up to you guys ;o)

*As seen on Anika and Gareth's blogs