The Nanny Diaries

So, as you may have noticed, it's been awhile since I posted. This is because my entire week now consists of waking up at 7, getting ready, leaving the house by 8, babysitting from 8:30 until 5, driving home in bridge traffic, eating dinner, rinse, repeat until Friday. And though I find the kids I am babysitting completely cute and funny, I don't know that it really makes for good blogging on a regular basis... So instead, I will just edit this post by adding more of what I have learned as the weeks go by to the bulleted list. Then, you can just come back and check if you are interested.

Here is what I have learned my first week:

• Cell phone ring tones are worth hours of fun.
• Once you get sick of hearing the Lion King soundtrack over and over again, and replace it with a more pallatable child-friendly pop CD such as Kelly Clarkson, it won't take long before you get sick of hearing that one over and over as well.
• Burger King forgetting the chicken tenders in a Kid's Meal is, indeed, the end of the world. Cutting up the chicken part of your chicken sandwich into strips is not a substitute, and you will have to go back.
• My "boobies are comfy like pillows."
• 5-year-olds think they are smarter than you. For example, they may try to outsmart you by telling you they have indeed wiped, and flushed down the toilet paper already, despite the fact that you can see evidence of the contrary in the toilet. Apparently toilets are pretty smart too, because they know how to distinguish toilet paper from excrement and flush only the toilet paper.
• Mary Poppins wasn't joking when she said "a spoon full of sugar helps the medicine go down." You actually can get children to clean by bribing them with candy.
• Spending an entire day at a theme park, even Sesame Place, will wipe the life out of you.
• Playing board games on the floor when there is a blind dog living in the house? Yeah... not so easy.

Week 2:

• Don't do dishes. When you come back, there will be glitter all over the living room carpet.
• A "Salon Day" can easily have you looking like Bozo the Clown with a brushed out fro and fun house manicure.
• You will never be able to make scrambled eggs in exactly the same way as their mother.
• Though "Movie Theater Day" seems like a good idea when you get to the house and find out that the 5-year-old got sick the night before and needs to keep it low key, both girls will be jumping off the walls by the end of the day. Mom will come home and be annoyed.
• Decorating special 4th of July red, white and blue ice cream cone cupcakes will not take nearly as long as you had anticipated, and there will be more icing on the table, the floor, their hands, their hair, and the dog, than on the actual cupcakes.
• If you bring the girls out to get eggs at WaWa in full beauty pageant makeup, people will stare at you and think you are an unfit mother.

Weeks 3 & 4:

Five Year Olds:

• Cut holes in their pants when you are not looking
• Smash entire jars of turkey gravey on garage floors (by accident)
• Suck on markers when they dry out (and then spit the technicolor reminants of saliva into a wadded up piece of paper)
• Say no to everything you suggest, and then do it anyway, as if it is their own idea

Seven Year Olds:

• Change their clothes 20 times per day, so it always takes you at least 45 minutes to get out of the house (5 year olds, on the other hand, will wear anything- ripped, stained, too small, etc., so that you are kind of embarassed to take them with you)
• Go to their friends' houses without telling you so you enter a mad rush around the neighborhood looking for them, and then they come back as if nothing happened
• Scrape their ankles by falling off a skateboard without shedding a tear, and then run screaming behind the couch (nearly tipping it over, as it's against the wall) when they see you pull out the brown bottle and cotton ball
• Spill blue Slurpee all over the back seat of your car

Stay tuned for updates.

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