Buzzed
So I took my first swim of the summer today, and let me tell you the pool was so nice and cooling and relaxing, and I even think I got a little sun, despite the fact that it was 4 in the afternoon.
But there was some drama.
There I am, just floating along, minding my own business, and I look down, and what do I see? Some type to bee, sitting right on my foot!! I'm not sure what kind it was, but that is irrelevant, because the fact of the matter is that it was yellow and black and it had wings and a potentially lethal weapon* sticking out of its ass. And because I was in the float, and I wasn't really laying when I noticed it (I was actually sitting up, with my feet kind of in the hole part toward the bottom), I could not shake it off my foot, and in fact, I couldn't move that much at all because I did not feel like falling off the float and into the water and then coming up and not knowing where Sir Bee was and then feeling like it was on my shoulder every time a drop of water fell from my hair. So, I managed to splash a little (and wiggle around and yell, "Bee! Bee! Bee!") until it fell off and into the pool.
But then I lost it.
So I used the abnormally large pool noodle as a kayaking paddle and steered myself around the pool in hot pursuit of Sir Bee. When I had finally accepted the fact that maybe he managed to pull himself out of the Waters of Death (for a bee, anyway), I decided to relax and lay back on the float.
And then I spotted him.
He was clinging to the noodle chair (a noodle with a little net-chair attachment) for dear life, and I thought, oh no you don't, Sir Bee. You are not a cat. You don't have 9 lives. Just one for you, yesiree. And so I picked up the noodle chair, put it on the side of the pool, flicked the bee off the chair with the end of my kayaking paddle and continued to pummel it until I was sure Sir Bee would not be landing on my foot ever, ever again.
So I'm all satisfied that I had just killed the thing, until I started thinking about the fact that I had just killed the thing. And it's not like I squashed him real quick so he didn't feel it... I pummeled him maliciously and maniacally over and over like Lizzie Borden with an ax. I'm not sure what got into me. I must have had some aggression in me or something, because a lot of times I don't even kill bugs. I might gently persuade them into the pool filter so that they get trapped and eventually decide to end their lives instead of swimming in circles forever and ever, and the other night I saw a spider on my ceiling and had to fall asleep thinking I would wake up in a cocoon of web, but I didn't kill it. I think maybe it was a release or something, because today was my last day with my dreadful seniors and school is almost over and I spent the day in a 200° oven. But in any case, I felt really bad after it happened, so maybe next time I will simply splash it out of the water and into the grass and let it die a nice, unhumiliating death.
Anyway, I'm going to go eat some dead pig now.
* potentially deadly if you are allergic, which I am not
But there was some drama.
There I am, just floating along, minding my own business, and I look down, and what do I see? Some type to bee, sitting right on my foot!! I'm not sure what kind it was, but that is irrelevant, because the fact of the matter is that it was yellow and black and it had wings and a potentially lethal weapon* sticking out of its ass. And because I was in the float, and I wasn't really laying when I noticed it (I was actually sitting up, with my feet kind of in the hole part toward the bottom), I could not shake it off my foot, and in fact, I couldn't move that much at all because I did not feel like falling off the float and into the water and then coming up and not knowing where Sir Bee was and then feeling like it was on my shoulder every time a drop of water fell from my hair. So, I managed to splash a little (and wiggle around and yell, "Bee! Bee! Bee!") until it fell off and into the pool.
But then I lost it.
So I used the abnormally large pool noodle as a kayaking paddle and steered myself around the pool in hot pursuit of Sir Bee. When I had finally accepted the fact that maybe he managed to pull himself out of the Waters of Death (for a bee, anyway), I decided to relax and lay back on the float.
And then I spotted him.
He was clinging to the noodle chair (a noodle with a little net-chair attachment) for dear life, and I thought, oh no you don't, Sir Bee. You are not a cat. You don't have 9 lives. Just one for you, yesiree. And so I picked up the noodle chair, put it on the side of the pool, flicked the bee off the chair with the end of my kayaking paddle and continued to pummel it until I was sure Sir Bee would not be landing on my foot ever, ever again.
So I'm all satisfied that I had just killed the thing, until I started thinking about the fact that I had just killed the thing. And it's not like I squashed him real quick so he didn't feel it... I pummeled him maliciously and maniacally over and over like Lizzie Borden with an ax. I'm not sure what got into me. I must have had some aggression in me or something, because a lot of times I don't even kill bugs. I might gently persuade them into the pool filter so that they get trapped and eventually decide to end their lives instead of swimming in circles forever and ever, and the other night I saw a spider on my ceiling and had to fall asleep thinking I would wake up in a cocoon of web, but I didn't kill it. I think maybe it was a release or something, because today was my last day with my dreadful seniors and school is almost over and I spent the day in a 200° oven. But in any case, I felt really bad after it happened, so maybe next time I will simply splash it out of the water and into the grass and let it die a nice, unhumiliating death.
Anyway, I'm going to go eat some dead pig now.
* potentially deadly if you are allergic, which I am not
posted by Jess at 5:07 PM
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