Anything Can Happen On Halloween*

On my way in to teach a group of behavioral students on a day when most average kids can be said to act like they've got the devil in them...

Here goes nothin'.

* Reference to The Worst Witch. If you're not Christine, you probably don't get it. (Chris: For real, we are the coolest.)

In My Head

• Wawa has a seasonal butternut squash soup. It is fan-freakin-tastic, and I'm having it for dinner right now.
• On Friday I moved into a new classroom. Perhaps you recall my mention of working in a closet? Well this room is the fucking penthouse suite of classrooms: bathroom, 2 sinks besides the one in the bathroom, water fountain, closet big enough to double as a Time Out room, a huuuuuge round window, and vaulted fucking ceilings!!!! Pictures to come soon, once I'm finished unpacking. I feel like Harry Potter, moving from the Closet Under the Stairs to Hogwarts. P.S. Only a teacher could get so excited about a classroom that she curses about it.
• I borrowed Season 1 of Lost from a coworker. I had always wanted to watch it but didn't start from the beginning, and it seemed like too complicated a show to just pick up and start watching. It is so freakin good, I am angry that I'm going to have to finish this season, borrow Season 2, and then wait for Season 3 to come out on DVD (prob this summer) before I can watch next year's Season 4. And also? If I were to get stuck on a deserted island, I'd hope that it was due to a plane crash and that there was a doctor and a Chinese lady on board. I'd have everything I need, and Between the perfect stitches and herbal remedies, I'd be all set!
• My Elementary Teacher Standard Certificate finally came! That makes me a real, really real teacher! Woot woot!
• I attempted to do my laundry in my complex's laundry room this weekend. I fit about 4 towels in the washer for $1.25, and the dryer was 25cents for 10 minutes. Hardly worth it. Guess I'll continue traveling to my parents' to get the laundry done. Oh well. Free laundry and dinner. Not such a bad thing.
• TheBoy keeps marvelling at how easy it is to make me laugh. I keep marvelling at how freaking hilarious he is.
  

The seaweed is always greener...

I've been kind of stressed out lately, and my body has been showing signs of it. Along with being just plain-old tired looking, I've developed bad eczema on the backs of my hands and behind my knees, my skin is looking dull, certain, um, undesirable female problems are occurring, and well, if you want to know the truth, carrying around an aggressive, thrashing, overgrown 9-year-old is not so good for other personal areas of the body. I know. Nasty.

The thing is, I don't know how to fix this. I know it's better to treat the source than the symptoms, but for now, I have an appointment with the dermatologist and with [shudder] the LadyDoctor.

How do you destress? Because I haven't found a sure-fire way yet to get my mind to just stop thinking, even when doing other, non-work-related, non-school-related, non-cleaning-up-after-my-messy-self things. Any suggestions?

*****

Tonight TheBoy is coming over and I am cooking him dinner, and last night he bought me The Little Mermaid on DVD and I'm going to make him watch it with me. Yippee!!!

In The Spirit, Eventhough I Hate Halloween

Claire tagged me. I'm humoring her.

1. What's the scariest movie you've ever seen?
Believe it or not, it was Cabin Fever, but mostly because the cabin looked/felt so much like Meg's cabin, and we were going there a few weeks later, and I was scared we were going to be attacked by a decomposing man with a flesh-eating virus who ran at us from the woods spewing blood. Or, at the very least, I thought we might run into a rabid Gunk.

2. What was your favorite Halloween costume as a child?
I don't remember ever being absolutely in love with one of my costumes. To this day, I hate the whole process of dressing up. I never felt like I looked real enough... then I got to college, and I never felt like I looked slutty enough... and now I'm an adult and I never feel like I look... well... I guess it's gone back to the real enough thing again.

3. If you had an unlimited budget, what would your Fantasy Costume be for this Halloween?
An around-the-world traveler. All authentic-like, with an actual itinerary and plane/hotel reservations and everything!

4. When was the last time you went trick or treating?
Yeah... I want to say there was some trick-or-treating my freshman or sophomore year in high school. That's when Kelly and I became friends again, because we were both M&Ms. Yeah, we were actually so cool that we were trick-or-treating. as high-schoolers. as M&Ms. Both of us.

5. Whats your favorite halloween candy?
Candy corn, Baby!!!!

6. Recount a scary nightmare you had.
The first one coming to mind is from a long time ago, probably in high school or middle school, in which there was a gang of green mohawked punk rockers outside of my house vandalizing my car and trying to break in. I kept trying to get my mom to do something, but she wouldn't. She just ran around the house putting up Caution Tape so they'd think it was a crime scene and go away.

7. What is your supernatural fear?
I am reading Rohld Dahl's The Witches to my class right now. My supernatural fear is that my lack of toes and hair, enlarged nostrils, blue spit, and extra-long claws are not symbols of my Witchhood, but actually just birth defects.

8. What is your creepy crawlie fear?
Oh god maggots. [gag. GAG. DRY HEAVE!!!]

9. Tell us about a time you saw a ghost, or heard something go bump in the night.
Once I heard Alex step on one of my upside-down high heels... That woke me up alright...

But honestly, I've never had an experience that has made me believe I'm around anything supernatural.

10. Would you ever stay in a real haunted house overnight?
Yeah, but not alone. And not because I'm scared of it being haunted. I don't even like when I'm trying to sleep and my dishwasher is on. Those noises creep me out. Intruders, you know.

11. Are you a traditionalist (just a face) or do you get really creative with your pumpkins?
I think it's fun to carve them out and stuff, but I think they are pretty just un-carved too. Plus I'm lazy.

12. How much do you decorate your home for halloween?
Not at all, but I have a few things aroud my classroom.

13. what do you want on your tombstone?
Here lies Jess
She was a mess
Now she rests dead
In a dirty bed

Hey, Janie and billjimjackjoebob, you girls are it! Mwaaahahahahaaaaaa!!!!

Kid-BIT

Today was one of those days that made me feel like I reeeeeaally need a day off. AngryKid was kid in a particularly bad mood today managed to mangle-by-fingernails my hands, wrists, and arms to the point of broken skin, and even bit me hard enough to leave a super nice and puffy bruise on my left forearm that is making my entire arm feel all weird and tingly like when you get your blood pressure taken. To top it off, I was repremanded by SWNSS's reading teacher because he called a kid in his reading class an idiot (He is not one who calls people names without being provoked. Not that it's right, I'm just saying- kids know he's different and try to push his buttons.) because she didn't agree that my consequence for the action was severe enough. Lady, AngryKid just called me a Fucking Bitch about an hour ago. Idiot ain't nothin'.

On the humorous side, I walked into the office today, and CuteSecretary expressed her concern over My Bite. I asked her how she heard about it, and she said she heard it from TeacherWhoI'veNeverTalkedToAndNeverEvenPassInTheHallway. She was unsure how TWINTTANEPITH heard about it, but damn, news like that travels quickly.

Anyway, I'm going to get my rabies shot now.

Weekly Update

On Friday, one of my former reading students ran by me and snapped my brastrap and ran away. I was too shocked to react, so I never got around doing anything about it other than referring him for counseling... I mean, really, what 7-year-old goes around snapping teacher's bras? Weird.

*****

I went to another wedding with Alex this weekend, and this time, although I drank plenty, I did not insult his boss. In fact, A told me that I am "a big hit with everyone." I like to hear good things about myself, and this made me feel way happy.

But then. Then I met his mom last night.

She was nice enough. Just, the two of them have been fighting a little lately, and I found out that it is because he has dropped off the face of the earth since "oh, about the beginning of August." This is precisely the time when he and I started dating, and I'm pretty sure she realizes this and that it was a jab at me as much as it was at him.

Way to start off with the great first impressions.

*****

I was asked today if I would work full-time for the afterschool program in my building. I had been subbing for them here and there, and then I got a regular position for only 1/2 hour per day until the regular teacher got there, but now they have rearranged things and someone quit, and so now I'll be working an extra 3 hours per day. The downside to this is, of course, the extra work, and the fact that I will have no time to prepare my classroom the night before (and will therefore have to go in even earlier). The upside, however, outweighs this by approximately the payment of my entire rent check. I'll be really freaking tired, but at least I won't be so poor anymore.

*****

Kid-Bit
While crouching next to SWNSS's desk, helping him with some work.

Me: Why is your desk all wet?
SWNSS: Oh, because from when I washed my hands. And also, I got poop on my sleeve, so I had to wash that off too.
Me: [walking over to the antibacterial gel] Um. Oh.
GremlinKid: What, from a dog?
SWNSS: No. From me. And my butt was bleeding.
Me: Okay, this is inappropriate for school. If you are having a problem, you need to tell your mom.
SWNSS: It's because I have trouble pooping. I need to eat more pears. [To GremlinKid:] Pears help you poop, you know.

Damn, this job is glamorous.

Not So Gangsta

So I was just trying to kill some time during my post-work couch coma, and I decided to flip through the free On Demand movies. I chose The Who's Tommy because I've heard about it and never saw it, and hey, it's free and I don't have to leave my house to watch. All I have to say is,

What the eff?

I just didn't get it. I don't know... I thought I liked rock. I thought I'd like a rock opera. I imagined Rent, but instead of being about HIV, it would be about a kid with Autistic characteristics. A special ed teacher's dream: Life to Music.

Yeah. It wasn't like that. I got through the first 25 minutes, but only because I kept hoping it would get better and that song about he sure plays a mean pin-balllll would come on. It didn't, and I switched back to live TV.

Next time, Dangerous Minds.

[Cue spooky beats here] Been spending most our lives livin in the gangstas paradise... [In Coolio's voice]

Note to You

Yeah, You.

Check on your Blogger Dashboard for the opportunity to switch over to Blogger: Beta. Since I've made the switch, I can't comment on your blog until you do. I haven't noticed much of a difference, except for the fact that you can add lables for your posts. I haven't yet decided if this is a blessing or a burden.

Green Eyes

I am positive that when I came home drunk last night, I blogged. It was a lengthy, rambling entry, much like how I talk when I am drunk. It was good.

I wish I knew what happened to that entry, because it isn't here.

*****

Yesterday I went to a wedding with Alex. It was a good time... his friend's wife told us that she purposely put our table right near the bar. Good call. The bad call came on my part when I drunkenly told Alex's boss how much I dislike Ann Coulter after he said how much he loved her. I believe my exact words were, "I. Hate. That. Bitch." Oops. I believe there was a hand placed over my mouth at that point, but I don't remember if it was my own or if it belonged to my boyfriend.

Also? The trend in telling Alex all of the things I've ever been upset about since we started dating continued.

Short backstory: Back in the day, when we went to St. Maarten, I overheard him saying something about "I ran into Jamie last week. It was weird." At the time, The Crazy took over, and I spent the rest of the day sulking about the fact that he ran into his ex and didn't tell me, and then I had to overhear him telling his brother about it to even find out.

So um, I held that in until yesterday, when I thought I heard him refer to me as Jamie. After a few vodka and cranberries, I insisted that I heard him call me Jamie, and then on the ride home in his friend's car, I let him know exactly what I think about him calling me by his ex-girlfriend's name. Except. Well. It turns out his ex's name was actually Diana. So then I said that he should have known things wouldn't work out with her from the beginning because you should never date a girl whose nickname is Die*. His friends found this quite hilarious. Alex didn't so much.

I never thought of myself as a jealous person, but it turns out I am, in fact, so jealous that I fabricate ex-girlfriends and hear things that were never said. That is kind of a shitty thing to find out about yourself.

That whole thing aside, we talked it all out once we were alone in Alex's car. I told him pretty much everything I've been holding in since we dated (the good and the bad) and he made me feel totally secure and confident in our relationship. Which I guess is a good ending considering a drunk and jealous beginning.

* No offense to your awesome sis, Christine. I totally love your Di.

Back in the spiral agaaaaiiiinnn...

I have a tendency to not be so on-top of things.

Example the First: Money
I have no money, and so I wrote a letter to my physical training company to ask them to freeze my membership for 6 months (by which time I am hoping to have most of my credit card debt paid off). Except I don't keep stamps because they price always goes up before I can use up even one page in a stamp book, and so I carried the letter around for a month, and by the time I finally remembered to get a stamp from my parents' house, it was, well, two days ago, and now it's too late to send the letter without being charged for this month. And well... It turns out I didn't pay my cable bill or my electricity bill last month, so just when I thought I was getting back into a financial Okay-Spot, I realized I now have double-bills to pay and am actually still broke.

Example the Second: Work
Lesson plans are due on Friday mornings for the following week. Today is Monday and I still have not done them for this week. And I've been trying to get them done in the beginning of the week, so that come Thursday night, I can hang out with TheBoy (it's his day off) instead of sitting in front of my computer and teacher manuals, but as it turns out, that only happened during the first two weeks of school. And also? During teacher in-service, oh, over a month ago, we were given instructions to do this online child abuse seminar and take the accompanying assessments by October 2 in order to receive professional development credits. I forgot about it until today when an email reminder was sent out, and had to come home and do it. I just finished. I hope they didn't mean "by the end of the school day on October 2."

Example the Third: Homemaking
Laundry. That's all I'm gonna say.

For awhile I thought I was really getting back on top of things. Turning a new leaf. Getting my life into order. Turns out, I was wrong, and here I go back down the slippery slope into a pile of debt, paperwork, and dirty clothes.

*****

Kid-Bit
Conversation about the halo of frizz I get when I wear my hair in a ponytail...

IntenseKid: Miss B! Your hair is stickin' up... like you're all aggravated or somethin'!
GremlinKid: That's because we're driving her crazy!