Snippets

My house is uncommonly calm right now. I have a homemade soup simmering on the stove, and when I sat down to do some web-browsing, Marley helped herself to a spot on the couch and Coconut took her pre-Marley post as my blogging partner by sitting on my lap and watching the cursor travel across the screen.

*****

Thanksgiving was pretty good this year. We feasted at my parents' house, and Alex's mom and brother joined us. My brother was home for a change (he was deployed the last two Thanksgivings), and with the exception of A's brother (who was strangely quiet and made an abrupt departure), everyone seemed to enjoy themselves.

*****

Last Sunday we did Marley's mange treatment. She was a trooper during the bath, but I felt soooo bad sticking her soaking wet into a crate and making her air-dry. After about 30 minutes of watching her sit there and shiver, I took a hair dryer to her. (We have borrowed a space heater from my parents for next time.) She spent the next two days sleeping like a log, waking only to eat and go outsite, and her skin is still red and raw in some places. I can't believe we have to do this at least 3 more times.

*****

Alex's birthday was last Friday. I gave him some golf club he hasn't shut up about for the last year and a half. On Saturday night we went to Harrah's. It's not our favorite casino, but it's the only place we've ever won anything significant. We had dinner at the new McCormick & Schmick's they have there. We were both totally unimpressed-- my Fresh Seafood Mixed Grill was bland, and the risotto it was served on was tasty but mushy. Alex asked for a crabcake alongside his filet mignon, and the waitress ended up bringing him an entire crabcake entree in addition to his filet entree. He was scared to send it back for fear that someone might spit in his dessert, so that ended up costing us an extra $30. Also, we didn't really win anything.

*****

My cousin's Bat Mitzvah was two weeks ago. My mom made the interesting observation that no one seems to dance anymore unless it is a choreographed dance like the Cha Cha Slide. Apparently it is more about knowing the words to every song. Most of the teens just kind of bounced around in groups, yelling lyrics at each other. The high point (for me, anyway) was when my brother and Alex won the dance contest. The couples dance contest. As a couple. We also got my grandma to don a giant pink fur pimp hat and red aviator sunglasses. I have already ordered the picture of that one from the photog's website.

Marley and Alex and Me

The test results came back for Marley's most recent poo sample, and not only did the giardia not go away, but she has roundworms too. Giardia AND mange AND roundworms. Her little body is teeming with all these disgusting parasites. Her nickname has become Buggy, and I continue to feel more and more sorry for her. Apparently, the one dose of heartworm meds (that also prevent some other worms) that she has had since we got her was not enough to protect her from the dangers of eating rabbit turds. You might remember, I had this same issue with Coconut when we first got her, but she (knock on wood) managed to avoid catching anything. Anyway, now Marley is on three different oral meds, and we'll be doing her first mange dip tomorrow.

*****

In other news, and yes, there are other things going on in my life, I have perhaps the best boyfriend ever. I came home on Thursday (Alex's day off), and he had cleaned the whole main floor of our house, including floors, cooked dinner, did all his laundry, and even bought me a medicated Chap Stick (although that was probably for selfish reasons, wink wink, har har). When I opened the cabinet to get my coffee mug the next morning, I saw that he organized all the tupperware, and when I opened the closet to get my coat, all of the shit that used to be on the floor in there was gone.

Now I sort of feel guilty for sitting around all day today, like maybe I should have cleaned the bathroom and stuff instead. But obviously I don't feel that guilty, because here I sit, blogging away.

*****

Kid-Bit (it's back!)

Sometimes, because my students aren't entirely... aware of what goes on around them, I forget to watch what I say. The other day, one of my aides received a giant bouquet of flowers, and explained to us that they were sent from her boyfriend, who she fought with the night before. The fight ended in him saying, "fuck you," and her throwing him out of her house. "So they are Eff You flowers, " I said.

And my little A repeated, "A FEW FLOWERS!"

"That's right!" I told him, "A few flowers."

It's Official!

Phew! I met with the superintendent today, and she spoke with me as if, duh, I already had the job. "Have you introduced yourself to your building principal?" Ummm... no... because I didn't want to walk into his office and say, "Hi! I'm Jess, and I just might be a new teacher in your school!"

But anyway. Relief. And a touch of I Think I'm Going To Shit My Pants.

School starts in a week (OMG!) so I will let you know how it's goes!

*****

Alex and I went on a dinner cruise last night. It was just okay... mostly older people with a mediocre buffet and a cheesey DJ. It was kind of like a bad wedding. But on a boat.

We spent most of the evening drinking on the deck. Perhaps the most exciting part of the night was when I was cold and Alex offered me his jacket. As we were sitting there I happened to feel something in the pocket... a small, square box. I thought, Could it be??? Is he going to propose to me tonight???

And I waited and waited, and kept looking around giving people the evil eye so they would go away, because surely he was just waiting for some privacy.

And then the ship docked and we left, and I had no ring on my finger. Maybe he just decided that it since it wasn't quite what we were expecting, he is going to save it for another time? Still, I HAVE to see that ring...!!!

So when we got home, I waited until he went to the bathroom, and I snuck a peek inside the box, and...




It was a 5-year pin from his workplace that he received at last year's holiday party.

Hrumph.

A Smattering of Things

Hi All! It's been a couple weeks, but the update is pretty simple:

• Another interview
• Still no job
• 3 days down the shore with Mom and the dogs

I don't really want to elaborate on the first two. As for the last one, the time down the shore was okay, except that we've been working on cleaning out the house (it is my grandma's, but she doesn't live there anymore) and she is a pack rat and I have to say that it borders on a sickness. Like there is not much difference between her and the people you see on those crazy pack rat clean house shows, except that all of her mess is shoved into closets and drawers and corners because she likes the rest of the place to look perfect. You would not believe how small the apartment is, and yet how many bags of trash ended up on the curb. How did she fit it all in there?? I'm sure I don't know.

*****

My newest cooking project is poached eggs. This site in my blog feed reminded me of them, and at the time, my friend Alison was visiting for the weekend. We decided to make them the next day. Her method did not match SK's method, but they came out great, just the same. This morning I decided to make them on my own. I tried to do one with the whirlpool, and one without the whirlpool (which is how Al does them). I have to say, maybe my twister wasn't tight enough, but all the spinning water did was send the whites off in shreds around the pot. The whole thing eventually sort of came together, but I think one I just dropped into the almost-simmering pot turned out better. Next I will try the Julia Child method of dropping the still-shelled egg into the water for 10-20 seconds before breaking it into the water. I'll let you know.

*****

Another thing Alison and I did during her visit (what, you didn't think I held her hostage so she could cook for me, did you?) was see the new Batman movie at the IMAX theater. I have to say, the movie was great, I think, but I'm not entirely sure because I spent most of the time massaging the kink out of my neck and struggling to look around and figure out how what was happening on the left side of the screen related to was happening on the right. And behind me. It really was just too big. I don't know how the people in the back row fared-- it's possible that they were at an angle and distance that gave them a full enough view to be able to follow along and feel like they were in the movie, but we were somewhere in the middle. Ass-kicking scenes were especially hard to follow. The best part of the experience (and the reason I remember IMAX being cool) were the Flying-Over-Gotham scenes. A couple times it felt like I was about to fall off the edge of a building, only to glide across the street and through a skyscraper window. That part was pretty cool. I'd like to see it again in a regular theater... or even just in my own living room.

*****

I finally completed Week 1 of Couch-to-5k. It took me two weeks because the first week I did it left me pretty much feeling like I was either going to collapse into a cramped up ball or pass out from hyperventilation. There were only 8 one-minute running intervals during of 25 minutes of movement, but I could only do three of them the first time I went out. The second time I went I did 6, and I was finally able to do all 8 the third time I went. I decided to do a second week because I didn't feel like I was ready to move on.

Last night I made a new playlist on audacity for Week 2 with chimes at the new intervals. I definitely should have listened through it first. The first song sounded okay, but I forgot to adjust the volume of the chime, so I almost missed the first one. Then the second song came on and I don't know how it happened, but it was playing super super fast and so it sounded like I was listening to the Chipmunks. I thought I'd be able to keep going and not let it bother me, but just, No. I ended up walking the whole thing instead, and I was a little frustrated to realize that I got home at approximately the same time I would have if I ran. I suppose once I gain the endurance to actually keep running for distances, I can work on speed.

*****

It poured yesterday from start to finish, and Alex and I decided to celebrate the drink for our much dehydrated lawn by watching movies. All day. Four of them. In a row.

We started with Dan in Real Life. Then 27 Dresses. Then Strange Wilderness. Then Mr. Woodcock. Alex actually likes romantic comedies, especially anything with Hugh Grant really only likes movies with guns and/or fart jokes, but he watches romantic comedies for my sake, because I'm a girl. It was totally his my idea to watch the romantic comedies first, to get them out of the way, of course, and then move on to the stupid ones. For the record, Strange Wilderness was just as awful as you'd expect.

Gossissippi

Psst! I have some hot gossip that I have to share here because I don't have any friends at my new job who would appreciate this...

A's brother M (who is short-term working for A until he takes the Bar) negotiated a deal with a girl's dad (the girl was there) last week, and M, as always, wrote his cell number on his biz card. The girl thought she was being picked up, and so she called him and they went out on a date last night. This would be a cute story except that he is 28 and she is 19, and at first I was all judgemental about the fact that he was taking advantage of a young (but legal) girl in order to fill his 7-months-since-the-big-breakup void. Then I met the girl when they post-dinner'd at our house and she was

• chugging beers like only someone underage would do on a Sunday night. (At the end of the evening, we actually served her a frozen lemon-lime gatorade and told her it was a margarita! HA!)
• dumb. (There was an entire hilarious exchange when she was asking about the rules of Washers about whether it's better to get it in the Box or get it in the Can, and it totally went over her head.)

They disappeared into our house for about 30 minutes, and although I don't think M sealed the deal, I am sure he at least got a little rubbing.

*****

On a related note, does your man share gossip with you? I always feel like I have to force stuff out of Alex because he still holds such Secret Loyalty for his brother. Then, once he spills it, he gets all nervous that I will slip that I know, and tells me like a hundred times not to say anything about it to anyone. I know guys don't gossip like girls do, but I thought that it was a Girlfriend Privilege to get the news.

I didn't want to get the union involved, but I had to. I have made it clear that I do not want to fight for my job. My main objective (Teacher Will Be Able To...) is to get out of there with as little damage to my reputation as possible.

Really, I'm tired of thinking and talking about this, but at the same time, I can't get it off my mind, and so it seems always to be the most natural thing to bring up in conversation. I am being constantly approached at work by people who, meaning to be supportive, want to know how I'm doing, how my week went, their thoughts on what kind of "raw deal," I got, or how the way in which I was, "screwed over is unbelievable." It's nice of them to show concern, and sometimes they do say things that make me feel slightly better ("J is wonderful, but she is having a very tough time over there."), but really? I just want it to be over.

So for now, let's move on to more cheerful topics.

*****

Family

My little brother made it home safely from Iraq yesterday morning! I saw him last night, and I have decided that from now on, I am going to make more of an effort to hang out with him. He has served his 4 years, and is going to start looking for another job, so it's not really the whole safety issue anymore-- it's just that we're older now, and so the years between us don't seem so significant.

*****

Food
Ahhh, perhaps my favorite topic of all...

I have never really been much into Indian food. I think this is mostly because I never ate it while growing up, and then in college I was turned off by the smell of it being cooked a couple doors down in my dorm. This past December, we randomly decided to spend our Jewish Christmas* in an Indian restaurant instead of a Chinese one.

I was pleasantly surpised, and ever since then I go through periods of craving. The problem is, there really aren't any good Indian delivery or take-out, or even dine-in restaurants in the immediate area.

I have found the answer in the Tandoor Chef. Tonight I had the Tandoori Naan with the Paneer Tikka Masala over some microwave-in-pouch basmati rice. I know I'm no expert, but the whole thing took 5 minutes to heat and plate, and it beat the shit out of a Hungry Man dinner. The Naan took about 3 minutes in a 400 degree oven, and came out steamy and tender, and it was the perfect scoop for the masala, which was flavorful and rich. I am stuffed after eating just half of everything, but I keep eyeing the leftovers, unsure of whether I can wait until another meal time to finish them up.

* I say this, however my Christmas was actually spent with Alex's family, which is not Jewish. They do the Christmas Day ethnic food thing anyway. The family dinner is Christmas Eve with his mom.

*****

TV

I don't know what I've been doing lately that's been keeping me so busy, but I have about 2 weeks worth of shows DVR'd. Since I arrived home at 2:45 today, I have watched Top Model, Grey's Anatomy, 2 episodes of Lost, American Idol, and now I'm watching SVU. All this was viewed around the 2 hour nap I took.

*****

Books

I just finished Remember Me? by Sophie Kinsella, which was a nice, mindless and cheery way to distract myself. I have ordered Julie & Julia from the library, and will pick it up when I drop this one off. Which, by the way, I am having issues doing. My new (but not so new anymore since it's been a year since we moved in!) town is sort of city-like where it's not full of suburban neighborhoods, and so the library is on a street with parallel parking. There is a lot behind the library, but then you are forced to walk half way around the block to get to the door once you have parked. All of this, combined with my incredible laziness, has been preventing me from a speeding turn-around rate.

*****

TheBoy

I know I said I wasn't going to talk anymore about all the work drama, but this is really about Alex's reaction to said drama. He has never much seemed like the night-in-shining-armor type. He is usally laid back about everything, and will try to solve any concerns by telling me, "just don't worry about it." But since all of this shitty stuff happened on Monday, he has really stepped up to the plate. He has suddenly taken on this protective air, ranting about contacting the union and getting legal advice and conspiring with friends about how to best "make that asshole regret what he's done." I have never much been into the macho type, but I have to say I'm kinda liking this.

Content

My Sunday was a wash of a weekend day because Saturday night our water heater flooded our downstairs. So instead of getting to sleep in, I had to call my dad very so he could come over and fix it (thank god for daddies, huh?) and we could turn our water back on. Then, Alex's mom came over and we went shopping for Christmassy stuff for our house. "We," being just her and me. (She and me? She and I? I need to consult my copy of Eats, Shoots, and Leaves...) It was kinda weird, but we did end up with some pretty things with which to decorate our 3-foot table top tree.

Anyway, Alex randomly had off today, and so to make off for my loss of a nice, relaxing weekend, I took a sick day today...

*cough. cough.*

It ended up being a perfect day. Slept in a little, watched my DVR'd season finale of Survivor: China while Alex slept in even later, I made cookie dough for my cookie swap later this week, we played some Guitar Hero, made a killer lasagna, and Alex did the dinner dishes, and now we're sitting on the couch with full bellies and some wine and a fire in the fireplace and the dog's not being too annoying (yet) and we're about to watch Superbad (for the second time today), and the house isn't too much of a mess, and ahhhhh...

I needed this day.

Desperate Housewife

Since moving in with Alex, I have found that I have serious issues with becoming a "housewife" when I am not actually his wife. It is true that he works 60 or more hours a week, while my hours on the clock are about 35. I get home at 4; he gets home between 10 and 11. I have the two weekend days off, in a row, and he gets Sundays and Tuesdays.

And yet, being the one to clean the bathroom for the third weekend in a row freakin pisses me off.

Even when I lived in my apartment, I had trouble cleaning on a regular basis. My blog entries have chronicled this; my friends and family have witnessed it. Now there are two of us making a mess, joint bills to pay, a dog to take care of, and time and time again, I find myself falling into a wifely role. I do the bulk of the cleaning, I pay the bills, if we are going somewhere, I consider if the dog will need watching and then find someone to do the watching for us.

I am trying so hard not to be a nag, because marriage or not, the nagging is what will truly turn me into a ball and chain. I refuse.

So instead, I do one of the following:
1) I clean and shut up about it.
2) I leave the mess for as long as I can and then start passive aggressively talking about the disgusting state of our house and eventually become so frustrated when he doesn't take the hints, that I end the whole thing in a screechy state of hysterics and tears wherein he becomes so frightened he promises to clean something for godsakes.

I would say that the ratio of the first scenario happening over the second occurs at 3:1, the latter mostly occurring during my PMS week.

And on that note, I have to go clean the kitchen.

Full of Soup

I am supposed to be getting a new student sometime next week, probably Wednesday, and I am kind of dreading it. I can't say the addition of a new student after rules and consequences and routines have already been established would "stir the pot;" all things relative, I'd say my class functions at a simmer on a good day. I am thinking this kid is going to bring the pot to a rolling boil.

Also, too many cooks spoil the broth, as long as we're going having fun with soup metaphors.

*****

Alex's mom's birthday is on Tuesday. I won't see her on Sunday, when A and his bro go down to visit her (already made plans due to boyfriend who does not share info until the last minute, ever), but I want to send a nice gift with him to redeem myself. On her birthday last year, we had only been dating a few months, so I didn't get her anything, and then on Christmas, he talked me into the worst Christmas gift. Ever.

Still no ideas. Think. Think.

*****

I need to start making plans for Friday nights. They are way too long and lonely, hence: sitting here blogging. No offence. I love y'all. But I'd rather do something crazy on a Friday night, and then blog about it over a cuppa coffee on Saturday morning.

A Boring Night

Alex is in Boston for the night helping his brother move, and tomorrow night I'll be in NoJo for my former roomie's bachelorette party. Alex is totally excited that his brother is moving back to Jersey, and I am totally stoaked (hehe I said "stoaked") about my friend's wedding and pre-celebrations, but. You know. The first two non-boy nights since we moved in together.

Anyway, I've decided to spend my night like I spend every other night: by ordering Chinese food and a movie OnDemand. I started with The Black Dahlia, but it turned out to be one of those movies that left me wanting to know the ending without actually watching the movie. I nixed it about halfway through, and now I'm catching up on the first two episodes of Survivor: China.

Also, I have been out and in approximately seventy gajillion times with the dog. I'd complain, but she is peeing outside instead of in the house, so... progress.

The Little Things

I always get all annoyed when I'm building a taco, because after I add the meat, lettuce, tomato, and shredded cheddar, I have to take a bigger blob of sour cream than I actually want so that it has enough weight to plop onto the taco without me having to either scoop it off the spoon with my finger, or risk getting lettuce stuck all over the spoon.

Alex's Genius Solution to the Sour Cream on My Taco Problem: Spread the sour cream on the shell/tortilla before adding the other fixins.

*****

We're having some issues getting Coconut house trained. She won't poop in the house-- she'll bite you and whine and tug at your pants until you let her out. But the whole peeing thing seems to not be sinking in. Occasionally she'll sit by gate (at the top of the stairs to the outside) for a second, but if you don't notice her, or you're waiting for a commercial, she just finds a nice spot, like anywhere on the floor, and lets it out. It's not even like the pees are so huge that she must have had a whole bowl of water and then held it in forever. I mean, sometimes they are. But sometimes they are tiny little pees that make you question whether or not she just likes to watch you clean it up.

Do any of you use peepee pads for your dogs? I'd like to keep her in the kitchen when I'm at work, rather than in her crate, because it's a long time to go without peeing (I can't do it...), but whenever I put a pad down, we find her sleeping on it like it's a bed, and a puddle just a few feet away on the floor. She has a comfortable bed in there, too! I thought those things are supposed to have some kind of smell that makes dogs want to pee on them? Not my dog.

*****

Kid-Bit

While playing charades...

TantrumKid: acting out "Sawing" by pretending to hold a handle and moving his arm back and forth... you know... like he's sawing something...
ChowDownKid: SLICING LUNCH MEAT!!!

Typical.

Parenthood

I guess I knew when I decided to get a puppy that it would be a lot of work. What I wasn't really anticipating was the lack of sleep and the pee on the carpet 5 effing seconds after we come inside from what appeared to be a successful "out" trip.

But, in truth, she is too freaking cute to even get angry. See for yourself:


Introducting Coconut! Chillin' on the kitchen floor


In Stealth Mode under the chaise lounge at my parents' house


Still under the chair...


And STILL under the chair...


Ooh she gets SO PISSED when she gets a bath...>

*****

Alex and my dad are out golfing together for the second time this month. I am so glad that the two of them get along, but I kind of wonder what their conversation is like. You can't exactly have regular manly golf course chatter about boning the drink cart chick when you are with your girlfriend's father/daughter's boyfriend.

*****

I was bitten by one of my students (yes, again) and this time skin was broken. Work made me go to a doctor and get a tetanus shot and now I'm on a year-long blood work schedule. Man, my job is awesome.

Spring Fever

I'm not exactly sure if Spring Fever refers to being indoors during the winter freezes and longing for warmer weather, or if it means that once it starts to get warm people get the urge to clean (or is that the point of the phrase "spring cleaning?") and hump like bunnies, but today's 50º weather allowed me to open the windows and air out my apartment and I actually did do some cleaning, and if truth be told, Alex is coming over soon and I could go for some... uh, well nevermind.

*****

I decided to purge my fridge of leftovers and old food last night, and once again, I filled up two tall kitchen trash bags with something like 5 styrofoam containers, 3 half-filled cartons of milk, bags and bags of brown, yet pre-washed, pre-cut vegetables, etc., etc. When the only thing left in there was a few beers and the lightbulb, I figured it was time to go grocery shopping.

This week I am going to cook a couple meals and store them portioned in containers so that when I come home from work, all I have to do is pop them in the microwave. I'm hoping this will contribute to my Weight Watchers efforts.

Sidenote: This would be the fourth time in my life that I've joined, not including times I've attempted to count Points while not paying out the ass for meetings. See also: South Beach Diet, Atkins Diet, Just Eat Sensibly Diet. And also: A diet book that had an ad in Teen Magazine, for which my 13-year-old self sent $12 in cash and quarters with the ripped-out orderform. Basically, it told you to douse half of every meal with salt until it was inedible, thereby cutting down your calorie consumption.

I'm trying a weird-looking but easy recipe, and I'll let you know how it goes. I like chicken, and I like ketchup, and I like diet Coke... and those are the only 3 ingredients. Like I said, weird but easy.

*****

A makeup heads-up: I bought Cover Girl LashExact mascara today and I looove it. I used to use Maybelline Full 'n Soft, which I also loved, but I recently read an article in Cosmo that suggested wiping your mascara brush on a tissue instead of on the side of the tube, and so I gave it a try and really liked the results. My lashes weren't totally full, but that's okay because they looked long and un-clumpy and fresh. The LashExact gives me the same turn-out, but because of its weird rubbery brush, I don't even have to wipe it at all, and I get that same look. I suppose if you want more volume, you can try the VolumeExact, but I stuck with the regular Lash Exact because it was 50% off and I NEEDED to save that $3.

*****

I recently rediscovered my U2: The Best of 1980-1990 CD, and can't stop listening. I don't think I appreciated it fully when I bought it (a friend convinced me to make the purchase a few years ago), but I'm all about it now.

*****

Remember my New Years Resolution to read a book a month? Yeah... I've been reading the book Perfume: The Story of a Murderer since the second week in January. I just can't seem to get through it, which is a shame because it's a good story. This is an embarassing confession, but I think it has too many words. Perhaps I should try it again during spring break when I don't have so much thinking to do, and switch to something more fluffy for now.

*****

I totally know the difference between it's and its, your and you're, and who's and whose, but sometimes when I'm typing out my blog entries I fail to pick the correct one. That's annoying.

Sour Grapes

Alex just got back from a trip to Florida that he won through Workplace. When he first left, I was a little jealous because I couldn't miss 4 days of work to go with him, despite the fact that it would have been payed for. Then he called me to tell me how awesome his room was and how he spent a day playing golf. I'm all for awesome hotel rooms, but really, how much time do you spend in the room? And I don't play golf, so whatever. Not a crisis. The next day, he called to tell me that when he came back to his room after another day of golf and a massage (a slight tinge of green here), there was a Lobstergram gift certificate waiting for him in his room. Still- not totally jealous because I'll be eating half that meal, if not more because TheBoy is not a fan of seafood. And he said we can get it for our first dinner in our new place when we eventually move in together. Sweet.

So then on his final night, I give him a call around 10:30 because I'm ready to go to sleep, and he answers and I hear all this noise in the background and all I can hear is him yelling, "I just had the most amazing dinner ever! I'm getting ready to go out with some guys! I'll talk to you later!"

Pft. Well, at least he was having a good time, even if I was feeling somewhat forgotten. (Jess? Who is Jess?)

And THEN I go to pick him up at the airport, and he comes out of the terminal with a tan in March, gloating about the 20" flat panel TV that is going to be sent to his house courtesy of Workplace, and that amazing dinner he had and how it was like 10 courses and included a cotton candy machine on every table, and how he ended up at a Victoria's Secret fashion show after-party where he met Nick Cannon and spilled his drink on Mario Andretti, and did I mention He Had a Tan in March?!

But I'm not jealous.

*****

Kid-Bit

Somehow got onto the discussion of Jessica being a girl's name but Jesse being a boy's, eventhough you can also call a girl Jessie. With an i-e.

SWNSS: Did anyone ever call YOU Jesse?
Me: Only my 5th grade teacher, but she spelled it with an i-e.
SWNSS (who, let me remind you, is 8): SHE CALLED YOU JESSE!!! YOU'RE A SHIM!!!!!

Apples

More time past with nothing interesting to write about. This is getting redic. But for those of you bored at work, something boring to read is better than nothing... right guys? Right??

My apartment is officially a wreck. There are dirty dishes all over the kitchen, except for the inside of the dishwasher, where the dishes are clean. There is a pile of socks and various shoes under my desk, where apparently I get tired of having my feet bound. My brand new Gazelle has already taken on its alternate use of Extended Closet/Hamper. And no, I'm not still sick, but the dirty tissues are still piled up on my nightstand, multiplying germs.

Yes, I'm a dirtbag.

*****

Alex and I are looking at houses. We found one this weekend, and he made an offer, so we'll see. I really like the house and am way excited to live with him and actually be able to see him every day. And also, the built-in bar, as long as stocked, will come in very handy in my quest to become a post-work alcoholic.

*****

The State (dun dun duuuuuuuunnnn!!!!) is coming to monitor our school tomorrow, and everyone is going apeshit. I'm preparing, but as usual, "whatever," is my motto. I'd freak the fuck out if I did something wrong and got called on it, but who can worry about that before it happens?

*****

Kid-Bit

I love it when I hear my students use phrases that I know they learned (unintentionally) from me. Recent example:

While playing with Legos, Diego grabs a piece from GremlinKid.
Gremlin Kid: HEY! You snatched that!
Diego: Howdoya like THEM apples?

It's been awhile, eh?

Not so much has been going on lately, hence my hiatus from haiku. Okay, that sentence was not supposed to end with the word "haiku," but I love alliteration. Big dork. Yes.

A few tidbits from the last three weeks of non-blogging:

• My first Valentine's Day to ever actually have a Valentine was a strange mix between This-Is-A-Stupid-Madeup-Hallmark-Holiday and I-Have-The-Best-Boyfriend-Ever-And-Thank-You-For-The-Diamond-Necklace. I suppose both things are true.
• The hideous freezing, windy, snowy, sleety, blow-freezing weather that we've been having lately left me walking out into the balmy 40°F sunshine this morning ready to strip off my coat and run back inside for my flip-flops.
• One of my 3rd graders asked a girl in another class to be his girlfriend today. She comes into my room for the after school program, and he wrote on the chalkboard, "I love you so much I want to mari you! from GremlinKid."
• That's all I have to say, which is pretty bad for 3 weeks away from the keyboard.
• Hope to have something to post tomorrow.
• See you then.
  

I should save this for Valentine's Day...

TheBoy tells me once in awhile, usually after a couple drinks, that he wants to marry me one day. This usually causes me to hear Squints'* voice in my head going, "for-ev-ver... for-ev-ver... for-ev-ver..." because although I love him and can't imagine myself with anyone else, god, marriage is for good, and I can't think about doing anything in my life for the rest of my life. Most teachers work for about 30 years, and even that sounds like an eternity to me, and my grandparents were married for 50 years before my grandfather died, and holy shit what if we live to be 100!!!

But this morning, here I am, sipping my coffee, fooling around on my laptop, watching the Food Network, and Alex has fallen back asleep on the couch, and this happens every weekend and I love it and I can't imagine that I'd prefer any other kind of lazy Sunday morning, and especially not with anyone else.

* from The Sandlot, a movie I cannot flip past when channel surfing.

Chopping Onions Makes Me Weep

I spent most of my day yesterday in tears because of work-stuff. I don't want to get into too much detail on here, but for the most part, a parent is accusing me of causing injury to her child during a restraint, when in actuality, we were restraining him to prevent injury to himself or someone else. And fuck you Lady, because hi. Remember this?


That's where your son bit me.
Also? You forgot to pack lunch for your kid yesterday. Two already-eaten bags of chips and a Gogurt from the day before don't count.

*Sigh.*

Anyway, I'm in better spirits today. Yesterday I was all destrought and depressed and scared and all I wanted to do was sit and cry. I missed Alison's birthday party and Christine's bowling extravaganza (heehee) and I layed on my couch at watched my DVR'd episode of Grey's Anatomy and went to sleep.

I woke up today with a clearer mind, and instead of a Woe-Is-Me attitude, I've got a Fuck-You-Bitch-You-Suck-As-A-Mom-And-That's-Why-Your-Kid-
Is-In-My-Class-In-The-First-Place one.

She is not ruining my weekend.

*****

In my everlasting quest to Even Things Out between TheBoy and me (who pays for everything all the time because he knows I can't afford to), I am going to attempt to cook him dinner tonight. I'm making pork loin with rosemary, red-wine risotto with peas, and asparagus, possibly with some fresh lime juice. I have never cooked any of those things before, but it's worth a shot.

Of course, My Thing will be cancelled out by Alex's Thing tomorrow when he makes me breakfast (cheese omelette, hash browns, sausage and/or bacon, and probably some kind of bread item), and he'll still be on top.

(Heh. My Thing. Alex's Thing. He'll be on top...

Sorry. If there is one thing I've gained from my relationship with TheBoy (other than a Burberry jacket), it's to appreciate adolescent male humor.)

Update: The pork loin came out fantastically (woot woot to my meat thermometer!), and the risotto was also fantastic, even though I didn't have any wine (?!) and just used extra broth instead and it sat for awhile because I cooked it too early... The asparagus was mucho overcooked, but that was okay, because when you've got meat and carbs, do you really need veggies?

Back from Beantown

Alex and I went to Boston this past weekend to visit his brother. It was too short, but it was fun, save the whole "getting there" part, in which:

• I was yelled at by a security officer as I walked through the metal detector; I was actually accused of killing the man by forgetting to take my outerwear off (Jess, in the airport, with the Burberry scarf!)
  
• our flight was delayed an hour
• the gate was changed and so the guy at the desk told us we had missed the flight altogether ("Oops! Looks like you two kids have missed your flight! Har har!") (we missed a flight to Boston, but not our flight to Boston)
• the lady at the gate check-in told our entire flight that if we didn't hurry the fuck up and put our shit away when we got on the plane, they were going to cancel the flight altogether, you motherfuckers (because somehow the fact that they were late to start with meant that we had to rush)
• we were only privy to an "Express Beverage Service," which basically meant that we got no tiny packets of airline snack mix (which now includes bbq soy nuts instead of peanuts to save those with peanut allergies, and bytheway thanks for considering those of us with soy allergies), and that they just ran down the isle with a shaken up can of soda and sprayed it at us as we held our mouths open (and shut our eyes)

Once we were there, though, it was good times all around. I found it funny that Boston is kind of like a characature of itself: there are actually stores with names like, "Beantown Motors" and the place in the mall food court where I bought my lunch was called "Boston Chowda." But most of all, it was nice and relaxing and we got to eat and drink and shop, and really, what more can you expect from a nice weekend away from home?

The flight home was much more relaxing, too. It was less crowded, which meant that Alex and I could have a seat between us and his broad shoulders weren't invading my space and crushing me against the seat or pushing me into the isle to get my elbows banged by the beverage cart. And also we got a whole soda and two packets of airline deathmix!

*****

Grocery store quirks: I empty my items onto the belt in the order/grouping in which I'd like them bagged. I get annoyed when the cashier doesn't scan like-things together, and so they appear separately on my receipt (ex. yogurt, yogurt, yogurt, string cheese, yogurt).

Recent fortune cookie opened while sharing a side of the booth with Alex*: Stop searching forever; happiness is just next to you.

* No, we're not that corny-- his dad and brother were sitting across from us.

1 Tequilla, 2 Tequilla, 3 Tequilla, Floor!

I woke up at 6 o'clock Sunday morning naked and face-down on the bathroom floor. I'm not sure quite what time I went in there, but my best estimate is sometime between 1 and 2.

That's what a few glass of wine will do to me.

I wonder if I will ever come to an age where, at the middle of Glass Two, I say to myself, "Self, you know that if you drink another after this one, you will wind up naked and face-down on the bathroom floor, so stop when you hit the bottom."

The Threat of the Hangover always seems to stay with me for a few weeks, and then somehow it gets forgotten again. New Year's Eve, for example, I hardly drank at all. I even asked for a cup of coffee because I knew I had started early and still had a couple hours to go.

Saturday night though, I did not have such foresight. We went to a country club for TheBoy's Work Party, and around Glass Four, Alex encouraged me to go up and DanceAttack his boss, who hates to dance, and consequently summoned his wife to come over and save him. (Note: Boss has told Alex that if he ever breaks up with me, he is fired.)

Also? We left the party at 11:30, and hit a bar with FriendandWife for another drink.

Fast Forward to Bathroom Floor, because I'm fuzzy on all the details in-between. (I am picturing Wayne and Garth doing that "dodododo dodododo!" Dream Sequence thing...)

*****

Around 11, Alex left to get stuff for breakfast, and he returned with roses and candy to make me feel better, and he made me an omelette and hash browns and a crossant.

I could get used to this. Almost makes the Hangover worth it...