Marley and Alex and Me

The test results came back for Marley's most recent poo sample, and not only did the giardia not go away, but she has roundworms too. Giardia AND mange AND roundworms. Her little body is teeming with all these disgusting parasites. Her nickname has become Buggy, and I continue to feel more and more sorry for her. Apparently, the one dose of heartworm meds (that also prevent some other worms) that she has had since we got her was not enough to protect her from the dangers of eating rabbit turds. You might remember, I had this same issue with Coconut when we first got her, but she (knock on wood) managed to avoid catching anything. Anyway, now Marley is on three different oral meds, and we'll be doing her first mange dip tomorrow.

*****

In other news, and yes, there are other things going on in my life, I have perhaps the best boyfriend ever. I came home on Thursday (Alex's day off), and he had cleaned the whole main floor of our house, including floors, cooked dinner, did all his laundry, and even bought me a medicated Chap Stick (although that was probably for selfish reasons, wink wink, har har). When I opened the cabinet to get my coffee mug the next morning, I saw that he organized all the tupperware, and when I opened the closet to get my coat, all of the shit that used to be on the floor in there was gone.

Now I sort of feel guilty for sitting around all day today, like maybe I should have cleaned the bathroom and stuff instead. But obviously I don't feel that guilty, because here I sit, blogging away.

*****

Kid-Bit (it's back!)

Sometimes, because my students aren't entirely... aware of what goes on around them, I forget to watch what I say. The other day, one of my aides received a giant bouquet of flowers, and explained to us that they were sent from her boyfriend, who she fought with the night before. The fight ended in him saying, "fuck you," and her throwing him out of her house. "So they are Eff You flowers, " I said.

And my little A repeated, "A FEW FLOWERS!"

"That's right!" I told him, "A few flowers."

Birds and Macaroni

Birds seem to be a recurring theme in my life, and I think that's because I don't like them. Most recently, my dad noticed that a goldfinch kept flying in and out of an empty pitcher-shaped planter in the back yard. Upon discovering that a nest had been built inside, he convinced me, against my better judgement, to look. I expressed my concerns about the bird being inside, and he told me, and I quote, "It's not in there-- I just looked in there and I didn't see it."

So I, too, looked in the planter. I saw the nest. I did not see the bird...

I heard it first: the deafening WOOSH! WOOSH! WOOSH!!! of its wings, and the ca-CAW! ca-CAW! ca-CAW!!! as it seemed to be saying, "I'll peck your eyes out, bitch! That'll teach YOU to look in my house!!"

So what if my dad claims that it made no noises whatsoever as it flew out, in the direction of the sky, not my eyes? I know what I heard, damn it!

*****

My mom has always made the most delish baked macaroni and cheese, and though I have watched/helped her many times, and she has talked me through it on the phone, and written it down for me, well, it never comes out quite right for me. I have thus began the Great Search for the Second Most Delicious Macaroni and Cheese.

So far I have tried:

• this recipe by Giada. Outcome: Meh. Fontina cheese was way expensive, so I ended up subbing sharp cheddar, and maybe that's why it was only Okay. Alex thought it tasted more like an alfredo than a mac and cheese. Two days later, she made the recipe on her show, and he drooled over how delicious it looked, not realizing it was the same one I had already made. Me: That's the one I just made. Him: Yeah, but hers looks GOOD.
• this recipe by Paula Deen. Outcome: Also meh. It tasted okay, but the eggs gave it a funny texture. It wasn't firm enough to be quichy, but it wasn't creamy enough to be a mac and cheese, either.

Do you have an amazing m&c recipe? A secret ingredient? A special technique? Please share!

*****

Kid-Bit

I took my class to the circus last week. Aside from being more fascinated by things like, "why are there so many black and brown people here?" than the actual circus, and aside from a couple of them not even having an attention span long enough to watch 20 things going on at once and changing themes every 4 minutes, it went pretty well.

Quote of the day:

ChowDownKid: Oooohhh! A HORSE!!!

Me: ChowDownKid, that's an elephant.

CDK: ... a real one?

Shiny

It is so beautiful outside, and I know that's an obvious statement to make, but seriously I can't ignore it. I used one of my Leave Early passes today to get the hell home, and you'd think I'd be spending this time outside instead of blogging, but... actually. I can be outside blogging. Be right back.

Okay, so maybe this is not instant messaging, and there was no lag between the time you read that last paragraph and this one, but whatever. The point is, I filled a water bottle and brought my laptop outside, and I am now sitting on my patio enjoying the sun.

*****

On Sunday, Alex and I worked on cleaning out and organizing the monstrosity that was our garage. We didn't get it all finished, but we made a lot of progress. We got rid of a lot, and once we get some shelves, the actual organizing part should go pretty smoothly. Also, there is a sort-of attic over our garage in which we found a previous owner's Playboy videos. Score!

*****

What might one do when a shot glass mysteriously falls into the kitchen sink drain and then gets chopped up by the garbage disposal? I can tell you what I did, which was to reach in gently with my yellow rubber gloved hand and pull out the big pieces. I am hoping the baby shards will just work their way down into the pipes...

*****

Kid-Bit


ChowDownKid: Is that bottle glass or plastic?
TA: Plastic.
CDKid (who is 7): Oh. I thought it was glass. It looks like a forty.

Work Stuff. (grr)

Sometime before the school year started, I previewed my class and gave all the students blog names. However, there was one who I named TBD1, because I really didn't know enough about him to give him a alias.

I hearby pronounce him OverreactingKid.

Recently:

ChowDownKid: I don't want to color this.
Me: Sorry, that was the direction. You need to follow directions.
ChowDownKid: You're a big, fat meanie!
Me: (ignores comment)
OverreactingKid: (takes three deep breaths) She. is. not. fat. and. SHEISNOTMEEEAAAANNNN!!!!!!!!

Also, everything in me wants to pronounce TBD2 "Fucking Psycho," but I feel like that would be mean. He is a total antagonizer, doesn't listen to anyone, including the principal, and he smiles and laughs like a creepy serial killer while he's getting in trouble, or while another kid is crying because he has just insulted him. Hmm.

Also in the mix, one student I got a few weeks into the school year. Let's call him BaneOfMyExistanceKid, because he is horrible, and I am pretty sure he is a major contributing factor to the current chaos going on in my classroom right now. He has taught the kids the sarcastic, "Ooooh, like that really hurts me," when he is being given a consequence, or when other kids are being rewarded for ignoring his bad choices. Also, he has introduced TheFinger into my room, and so most of the day is spent hearing, "BOMEKid just gave me the finger!" and then looking at BOMEKid throwing himself onto the floor and crying in shock because he just can't believe tht someone would make up such lies about him!

And, introducing CopyCatKid. Only two weeks in my room so far, this child has managed to not only bring his own behaviors, but to copy the behaviors of every other student in the class. Because that's more fun than anything he is supposed to be doing, and who cares if he will get in trouble later? This is fun NOW!

Well. We are all downhill from here... less than 5 months to go...

La la la...

Once again there is a list of unpublished Draft entries sitting on my Dashboard, but whenever I open them up, I just decide they are too boring to publish and anyway there is some crappy reality show on that I need to watch. But now the State of the Union Address is on and damn it, I need to find some way to distract myself lest I punch a hole through our new plasma.

(I wonder if my little brother is sitting in some rec hall watching from Iraq...)

Anyway, I have discovered a new favorite method of cooking, and that, my friends, is the FOIL PACKET!!! Dude, if you put whatever you want to eat in a foil packet, and stick it in the oven, you can have a real-food-meal in like 30 minutes with virtually NO clean-up! Tonight, I cut up the only vegetable we had in the whole house, a green bell pepper, and threw a pre-marinated chicken breast on top, and the result was mmm-mmm-good.

And in even MORE exciting cooking news (did you even consider that there could be something more exciting than chicken and bell pepper in a foil packet?!?!) I came home on Friday to a brand new KitchenAid mixer on my door step, thankyouverymuch,Grandma! I called to thank her, letting her know it was unnecessary, but much appreciated, and she said, "well, I was shopping online, and when I saw it I thought of you... you mentioned that you didn't have a mixer..." (Alex's reaction: "Hm. Yeah, you know what else we don't have? Surround sound speakers. Just mentioning it...") On Saturday, I made real key lime pie with homemade whipped cream, (By the way: NEVER going back to prepackaged...) and on Sunday, Alex made pancakes. Sure, the pie could have been made with my hand mixer, and the pancakes... well you know, a wire whisk always works, but the mixer is fun and makes me feel like I'm hosting my own show on the food network. It would be called, "Hm... It Looked Better on That Other Show."

*****

Kid-Bit

Appropriately, ChowDownKid has taken to saying "Awwwww SNACK!!!" whenever he thinks someone has been told off.

*****

And for lack of anything else to talk about, photos of the dog. You know you want them.


What? You're not into day-old coffee drippings??


Where is it that Garfield always tries to send Nermal?

Urinetown

Hey! What did you do when you got home from work today? Wanna know what I did? Okay, I'll tell you!

I chased my dog around with an empty margarine container in an attempt to collect a urine sample.

Oh, we are so glamorous here at the Frizz Household!

The venture was successful, but I can't help looking at the container (which, incidentally, I wiped down with a Clorox Wipe, wrapped in masking tape, and sealed in a gallon baggie, lest it want to pop open during the ride to the vet), thinking, I Can't Believe It's Not Butter! Heh! It's NOT butter!! Bwahahahahaa!! Oh, I crack myself up, I do.

*****

A few weeks after I moved here, I received a traffic ticket for going straight in a turn-only lane. In my defense, when I got into the turn-only lane, the sign was blocked by a tree, and by the time it became visible to me, no one would let me over into the straight lane. But blah-blah-blah, jerky cop gave me a ticket. When I received the notice for the court date in the mail, it turned out to be for 1 in the afternoon, October 31.

Then, to make a boring story longer and more boring, I kept forgetting to call to reschedule, until today. The lady asked me why I wanted to reschedule, which I was expecting, and I was all, "uh, well, it's Halloween and my students have a Halloween parade." To which she replied, "If I can't go to a Halloween party, neither can you!" So then I got even more nervous, and came back with a, "Well, I don't want to go to the parade, exactly, it's just that it is a school day and um, well my principal won't be very happy with me."

She asked me a couple questions, like where I taught and if they really have a Halloween parade, and I assured her that I teach behaviorally disabled students who are hyper on a regular day, and that it would be just plain cruel to leave a sub with them on a day when they are especially packed with sugar and stimuli.

Soooo... woot! She changed my court date, and was even nice enough to give me an evening appointment that isn't until January!! Woohoo! Christmas gifts for all!

*****

ChowDownKid has taken notice of the Lean Cuisines I carry with me down to the lunchroom almost every day. A couple days ago, he tried to insult me by whining, "You eat frozen food from a box!" To which I replied, "Yup. I do." CDK: "Yeah! They're frozen! From a box!" Me: "Yeah. I like them."

He seemed defeated at the time, because his insult didn't take, but now every once in awhile he'll summon me, "Yo! Frozen Food!"

I guess when the alternative is Tyrannical Bitch, Frozen Food isn't such a bad nick name.

*****

Now, it's time to leave for the vet, urine sample and all.

News

So you know my iGoogle page? There are lots of news gadgets or widgets or gidgets or whatevertheyarecalled that you could put on your iGoogle page, should you choose too. But on my iGoogle page, I only have E! Online and People.com news. Because real news is sometimes sad or horrific or infuriating, and I avoid those types of things.

That said, it should come as no surprise that E! Online's top story today was intelligently titled, "Britney: Gimme more custody; Judge: Nope"

HA!! Did you just read that?! Is that not the funniest title for an article EVER?!?!

I imagine the entire conversation between Britney and a judge to go something like this:

Britney: Yo yo yo! Gimme more custody, fool!
Judge: Pshhhhhiiiittt... Bitch! I ain't allowin' that shit! NOPE! That shit wack!
Britney: Whatever playa. I'm going to flash my gyne at some paparazzi. Try to say "NOPE" to that!

*****

And while we're on the topic of news, let me just clarify that really real news does occasionally make it's way to me. For example, this? Let me just say, I wish I could find a picture of this lady's mugshot, because it is truly hilarious.

*****

Kid-Bit

ChowDownKid: What does D-I-C-K spell?
TantrumKid: Oooohh!!! ChowDownKid said Di...
Me: TantrumKid! You better not! And ChowDownKid? When you can get 100 on a spelling test, then I'll let you spell all the inappropriate words you want.

~~~

Me: What are your 5 senses?
TantrumKid: [with pride] A nickel!

The Little Things

I always get all annoyed when I'm building a taco, because after I add the meat, lettuce, tomato, and shredded cheddar, I have to take a bigger blob of sour cream than I actually want so that it has enough weight to plop onto the taco without me having to either scoop it off the spoon with my finger, or risk getting lettuce stuck all over the spoon.

Alex's Genius Solution to the Sour Cream on My Taco Problem: Spread the sour cream on the shell/tortilla before adding the other fixins.

*****

We're having some issues getting Coconut house trained. She won't poop in the house-- she'll bite you and whine and tug at your pants until you let her out. But the whole peeing thing seems to not be sinking in. Occasionally she'll sit by gate (at the top of the stairs to the outside) for a second, but if you don't notice her, or you're waiting for a commercial, she just finds a nice spot, like anywhere on the floor, and lets it out. It's not even like the pees are so huge that she must have had a whole bowl of water and then held it in forever. I mean, sometimes they are. But sometimes they are tiny little pees that make you question whether or not she just likes to watch you clean it up.

Do any of you use peepee pads for your dogs? I'd like to keep her in the kitchen when I'm at work, rather than in her crate, because it's a long time to go without peeing (I can't do it...), but whenever I put a pad down, we find her sleeping on it like it's a bed, and a puddle just a few feet away on the floor. She has a comfortable bed in there, too! I thought those things are supposed to have some kind of smell that makes dogs want to pee on them? Not my dog.

*****

Kid-Bit

While playing charades...

TantrumKid: acting out "Sawing" by pretending to hold a handle and moving his arm back and forth... you know... like he's sawing something...
ChowDownKid: SLICING LUNCH MEAT!!!

Typical.

Validated?

This is kind of embarassing to admit, but lately I can't keep myself away from the trainwreck that is Britney Spears. Stop looking at me like that! It's not like I want this!! I don't care about Paris or Lindsey (though I am way too excited about M-K's new role on Weeds...), but something about Britney just pulls me in every time. Okay. The secret is out. Please don't taunt me.

*****

The teacher who got four of my last-year students called me today to tell me that she doesn't know how I did it for an entire year, and that if something doesn't change soon, she is giving her 60-days and working at RopShite. Something about that call made me feel smug and oddly validated, as if my entire year of job-hating depression was not because I am not cut out to teach behavioral kids, but rather, because this particular group of behaviorals was fucking nuts. I know this was only the first full week of school, and I don't want to jinx things, but I already like this year so much better. I spend most of the day laughing (sometimes to myself, and sometimes out loud if I can't hold it in), and though I am exhausted at the end of the day, it is a certain satisfied exhaustion, rather than a frustrated, worn-out, down-in-the-dumps kind of exhaustion.

Not that I wasn't ready for the weekend.

*****

As I mentioned before, ChowDownKid likes to pick a random food daily and yell it out at various times during the day. He doesn't have Turrets or anything. He just likes food. Today's Special: "Sprinkle Cheese!!"

I'm the Silver one

(If you were ever a Brownie, you might get the reference in the title. If not-- really, who cares anyway?)

I've turned into a bad friend. I know, I've always been slightly too self-absorbed to be a really thoughtful, great friend. But lately I've just been negligent.

I'm not sure what the reason is. I guess I could blame it on being distracted by TheBoy, the new house, the new puppy, work, my family... But the truth is, I spend most of my time sitting around on my ass watching reality TV (or should I say: CelebReality?)

I'm not just being bad with phone calls (like for Meg's birthday), either; I'm also being Super Lame-o (does using the phrase Super Lame-o make me even more lame?) when it comes to having a social life. I do not want to sit in all the time, yet it seems that it's all I ever do. When I actually feel like putting in the effort to look presentable for the outside world, I can't find anyone to go out with me. When I do get invited out, I end up feeling too lazy to get myself ready, or anxious if I don't know about it days in advance. Example:

Friend: Hey, just wondering if you want to go out for drinks tonight?
Me: (Oh god tonight?! But that's so soon! I have to take a shower and find something to wear and put makeup on and put the dog in her crate and Alex is working and...) Oh, uh, I can't because [insert excuse here].

What IS this? Depression? Anxiety? Old Age? Pure Laziness? Maybe I'm just in a rut about moving and living 30 minutes + from anyone I'd want to hang out with? I feel like a Desperate Housewife, except without the hot body or the murder-mystery, or well, you know-- the husband. Is anyone else feeling this way? Any suggestions on how to bust out of it?

*****

Kid-Bit

CursingKid has been walking around saying "Chitty Chitty Bang Bang!" for the last few days. (Autistic kids tend to pick up phrases from nowhere and repeat them over, and over, and over. And over...) He said it today, and then his face lit up, and he screamed "SHITTY SHITTY BANG BANG!!!" and then without missing a beat, "Did I say a bad word?" "Yes, CursingKid, you did. And now you're going to have to lose A Mouth*." CursingKid: Oh, shit.

* This particular kid has a card with three Velcro mouths on it-- each one represents a Bruce Springsteen song he gets to listen to at the end of the day. He loses mouths for cursing and inappropriate language.

*****

Coconut has more than doubled her weight since we got her, from 2 lbs. to 4.7. Fatty. Here are a couple pictures because I can't escape her cuteness, so you shouldn't be able to, either.

Sometimes when she hears a dog barking on TV, she stops to check it out. Today I put on Eight Below to see what would happen. She sat captivated for a good 10 minutes. That's what I like: a dog who watches as much TV as me.

Um. This is the title.

Hi all! Long time no see! I can only blame it on the fact that I spend too much time looking around at the house, thinking about everything that has to get done, and then not doing it. Oooh, except for the POOL, because after a lot of hard work and money, we finally WENT SWIMMING in it for the first time on Tuesday!! It was so lovely, and I plan to spend the afternoon looking around at the house, thinking about everything that has to get done, and then blowing up the new floats I bought and using them. I might also sneak-buy some patio chaise lounges, because although Alex plans on finding the best sale ever on the nicest patio furniture you've ever seen, we still have no seating on the deck. Current decor for rockin' outdoor atmosphere: 4 boxes of string lights, 2 citronella lanterns, and a solar spotlight to shine on the pool. You may have nowhere to sit, but goddammit you'll be able to see what you are standing in!

*****

Exciting News!!!!



This puppy will be mine in just a couple of weeks!!! Details to follow.

*****

Kid-Bit

Summer school has begun, and I now have a favorite new student. He is autistic, and completely hilarious, and he knows he is completely hilarious, even if I'm not allowed to laugh when an exchange like this takes place:

Me: Hey, guess what! We're going to go outside now!
CursingKid: Ooooooooooooh shit!
Me: Now, now. We only use nice words in school, remember?
CK: *sigh* Bastards.

or

Me: Can you tell me a word that rhymes with "bell?"
CK: (without skipping a beat) Hell?

Movin' Up!

Hey! So this?



It's the pool... AT OUR NEW HOUSE!!!!!!!!

I don't want to jinx anything, because closing isn't until the end of May, but YAY!!!

lksjfdhl;akshefouiasocbsaivbaibgva!!!!!!!!!

*****

Kid-Bit

Director of After-School Program: GremlinKid, what did you do on the bus last night?
GremlinKid: I didn't do nothin!
DASP: Oh really? Because I heard you said a bad word...
GremlinKid: No I didn't!
DASP: GremlinKid, be honest. Miss N. told me the kind of language you were using...
GremlinKid: What? I was using English!

Sour Grapes

Alex just got back from a trip to Florida that he won through Workplace. When he first left, I was a little jealous because I couldn't miss 4 days of work to go with him, despite the fact that it would have been payed for. Then he called me to tell me how awesome his room was and how he spent a day playing golf. I'm all for awesome hotel rooms, but really, how much time do you spend in the room? And I don't play golf, so whatever. Not a crisis. The next day, he called to tell me that when he came back to his room after another day of golf and a massage (a slight tinge of green here), there was a Lobstergram gift certificate waiting for him in his room. Still- not totally jealous because I'll be eating half that meal, if not more because TheBoy is not a fan of seafood. And he said we can get it for our first dinner in our new place when we eventually move in together. Sweet.

So then on his final night, I give him a call around 10:30 because I'm ready to go to sleep, and he answers and I hear all this noise in the background and all I can hear is him yelling, "I just had the most amazing dinner ever! I'm getting ready to go out with some guys! I'll talk to you later!"

Pft. Well, at least he was having a good time, even if I was feeling somewhat forgotten. (Jess? Who is Jess?)

And THEN I go to pick him up at the airport, and he comes out of the terminal with a tan in March, gloating about the 20" flat panel TV that is going to be sent to his house courtesy of Workplace, and that amazing dinner he had and how it was like 10 courses and included a cotton candy machine on every table, and how he ended up at a Victoria's Secret fashion show after-party where he met Nick Cannon and spilled his drink on Mario Andretti, and did I mention He Had a Tan in March?!

But I'm not jealous.

*****

Kid-Bit

Somehow got onto the discussion of Jessica being a girl's name but Jesse being a boy's, eventhough you can also call a girl Jessie. With an i-e.

SWNSS: Did anyone ever call YOU Jesse?
Me: Only my 5th grade teacher, but she spelled it with an i-e.
SWNSS (who, let me remind you, is 8): SHE CALLED YOU JESSE!!! YOU'RE A SHIM!!!!!

Apples

More time past with nothing interesting to write about. This is getting redic. But for those of you bored at work, something boring to read is better than nothing... right guys? Right??

My apartment is officially a wreck. There are dirty dishes all over the kitchen, except for the inside of the dishwasher, where the dishes are clean. There is a pile of socks and various shoes under my desk, where apparently I get tired of having my feet bound. My brand new Gazelle has already taken on its alternate use of Extended Closet/Hamper. And no, I'm not still sick, but the dirty tissues are still piled up on my nightstand, multiplying germs.

Yes, I'm a dirtbag.

*****

Alex and I are looking at houses. We found one this weekend, and he made an offer, so we'll see. I really like the house and am way excited to live with him and actually be able to see him every day. And also, the built-in bar, as long as stocked, will come in very handy in my quest to become a post-work alcoholic.

*****

The State (dun dun duuuuuuuunnnn!!!!) is coming to monitor our school tomorrow, and everyone is going apeshit. I'm preparing, but as usual, "whatever," is my motto. I'd freak the fuck out if I did something wrong and got called on it, but who can worry about that before it happens?

*****

Kid-Bit

I love it when I hear my students use phrases that I know they learned (unintentionally) from me. Recent example:

While playing with Legos, Diego grabs a piece from GremlinKid.
Gremlin Kid: HEY! You snatched that!
Diego: Howdoya like THEM apples?

It's been awhile, eh?

Not so much has been going on lately, hence my hiatus from haiku. Okay, that sentence was not supposed to end with the word "haiku," but I love alliteration. Big dork. Yes.

A few tidbits from the last three weeks of non-blogging:

• My first Valentine's Day to ever actually have a Valentine was a strange mix between This-Is-A-Stupid-Madeup-Hallmark-Holiday and I-Have-The-Best-Boyfriend-Ever-And-Thank-You-For-The-Diamond-Necklace. I suppose both things are true.
• The hideous freezing, windy, snowy, sleety, blow-freezing weather that we've been having lately left me walking out into the balmy 40°F sunshine this morning ready to strip off my coat and run back inside for my flip-flops.
• One of my 3rd graders asked a girl in another class to be his girlfriend today. She comes into my room for the after school program, and he wrote on the chalkboard, "I love you so much I want to mari you! from GremlinKid."
• That's all I have to say, which is pretty bad for 3 weeks away from the keyboard.
• Hope to have something to post tomorrow.
• See you then.
  

Mystique

I took today off so I could go to the Voldemort*.

You will all be happy to know that I am the owner of very healthy Woman Parts.


* I believe this phrase was coined by K... just giving credit where it's due, is all.

*****

You will also find amusement and disgust in the fact that one of my students told my sub that his dad takes him to the bar to "watch the pretty ladies dance" and that they only wear underwear and sometimes small bras, and that no, he doesn't live near Cheerleaders; they go to a place in Camden. No, mommy doesn't know.

No wonder your kid is a sneaky, lying bastard. (At this point, I think of this PSA: "Who taught you how to do this stuff?" "You alright?! I learned it by watching YOU!!")

*****

Alex sent me this link, and I actually found it so funny that I'm passing it on... which is unusual for me. (And if not sending on email chain letters was actually bad luck, I'd be the unluckiest person ever.) Most of the hilarity might just be in what you make it say. "Taco. Burrito. What's that in your speedo?" was my personal favorite.

Kid-BIT

Today was one of those days that made me feel like I reeeeeaally need a day off. AngryKid was kid in a particularly bad mood today managed to mangle-by-fingernails my hands, wrists, and arms to the point of broken skin, and even bit me hard enough to leave a super nice and puffy bruise on my left forearm that is making my entire arm feel all weird and tingly like when you get your blood pressure taken. To top it off, I was repremanded by SWNSS's reading teacher because he called a kid in his reading class an idiot (He is not one who calls people names without being provoked. Not that it's right, I'm just saying- kids know he's different and try to push his buttons.) because she didn't agree that my consequence for the action was severe enough. Lady, AngryKid just called me a Fucking Bitch about an hour ago. Idiot ain't nothin'.

On the humorous side, I walked into the office today, and CuteSecretary expressed her concern over My Bite. I asked her how she heard about it, and she said she heard it from TeacherWhoI'veNeverTalkedToAndNeverEvenPassInTheHallway. She was unsure how TWINTTANEPITH heard about it, but damn, news like that travels quickly.

Anyway, I'm going to get my rabies shot now.

Weekly Update

On Friday, one of my former reading students ran by me and snapped my brastrap and ran away. I was too shocked to react, so I never got around doing anything about it other than referring him for counseling... I mean, really, what 7-year-old goes around snapping teacher's bras? Weird.

*****

I went to another wedding with Alex this weekend, and this time, although I drank plenty, I did not insult his boss. In fact, A told me that I am "a big hit with everyone." I like to hear good things about myself, and this made me feel way happy.

But then. Then I met his mom last night.

She was nice enough. Just, the two of them have been fighting a little lately, and I found out that it is because he has dropped off the face of the earth since "oh, about the beginning of August." This is precisely the time when he and I started dating, and I'm pretty sure she realizes this and that it was a jab at me as much as it was at him.

Way to start off with the great first impressions.

*****

I was asked today if I would work full-time for the afterschool program in my building. I had been subbing for them here and there, and then I got a regular position for only 1/2 hour per day until the regular teacher got there, but now they have rearranged things and someone quit, and so now I'll be working an extra 3 hours per day. The downside to this is, of course, the extra work, and the fact that I will have no time to prepare my classroom the night before (and will therefore have to go in even earlier). The upside, however, outweighs this by approximately the payment of my entire rent check. I'll be really freaking tired, but at least I won't be so poor anymore.

*****

Kid-Bit
While crouching next to SWNSS's desk, helping him with some work.

Me: Why is your desk all wet?
SWNSS: Oh, because from when I washed my hands. And also, I got poop on my sleeve, so I had to wash that off too.
Me: [walking over to the antibacterial gel] Um. Oh.
GremlinKid: What, from a dog?
SWNSS: No. From me. And my butt was bleeding.
Me: Okay, this is inappropriate for school. If you are having a problem, you need to tell your mom.
SWNSS: It's because I have trouble pooping. I need to eat more pears. [To GremlinKid:] Pears help you poop, you know.

Damn, this job is glamorous.