Shiny

It is so beautiful outside, and I know that's an obvious statement to make, but seriously I can't ignore it. I used one of my Leave Early passes today to get the hell home, and you'd think I'd be spending this time outside instead of blogging, but... actually. I can be outside blogging. Be right back.

Okay, so maybe this is not instant messaging, and there was no lag between the time you read that last paragraph and this one, but whatever. The point is, I filled a water bottle and brought my laptop outside, and I am now sitting on my patio enjoying the sun.

*****

On Sunday, Alex and I worked on cleaning out and organizing the monstrosity that was our garage. We didn't get it all finished, but we made a lot of progress. We got rid of a lot, and once we get some shelves, the actual organizing part should go pretty smoothly. Also, there is a sort-of attic over our garage in which we found a previous owner's Playboy videos. Score!

*****

What might one do when a shot glass mysteriously falls into the kitchen sink drain and then gets chopped up by the garbage disposal? I can tell you what I did, which was to reach in gently with my yellow rubber gloved hand and pull out the big pieces. I am hoping the baby shards will just work their way down into the pipes...

*****

Kid-Bit


ChowDownKid: Is that bottle glass or plastic?
TA: Plastic.
CDKid (who is 7): Oh. I thought it was glass. It looks like a forty.

Sing Along

O to the MG people, did you KNOW that Comshmast On D has KARAOKI?!?!?! I discovered it today and made Coconut endure about 15 minutes of my lovely squawking. During Hit Me Baby One More Time she watched attentively, though with a slightly skeptical expression. She walked away during Brown-Eyed Girl, but then threw me a couple over-the-shoulder glances when I belted out Man! I Feel Like a Woman. There is certainly no accounting for the musical tastes of a dog.

Morning Mutterings

In a strange moment of morning fogginess, I decided that I would smell the mint in my spice rack. You know-- to see if it really smelled like mint. When I opened the container, a couple specks fell into my coffee. They were tiny, and I dunno, I am lazy, and therefore did not remove them.

People-- have you ever had mint coffee???? It is delicious and refreshing and takes some of the bite away from that nasty teacher-coffee-breath I tend to walk around with all day. I think I have innovated something that could catch on here...

*****

The more toys my dog destroys, the more often she is forced to rediscover old toys that she has been ignoring since 8-week-oldness when I first got her. Her most recent find is a super bouncy ball that used to have a string through it for tugging purposes (she has since chewed it off). She is currently (repeatedly) walking around with it in her mouth, dropping it on the floor, and watching it as it bounces a million tiny bounces across the floor, and then pouncing on it. I imagine her inner voice screaching with delight, "again! again!"

*****

Kid-Bit

OCD kid was in the class bathroom the other day for quite awhile. This is somewhat normal for him, as on top of the fact that he has no issues pooping in there, he has also been caught stripped down to his underwear and wifebeater and flexing in the mirror (p.s. this kid is 8 and scrawny-- more the size of a 6 year old), sitting backward on a urinal in the hall bathroom trying to poop, and watching himself "grow," if you will. Anyway, I kept calling to OCDKid while he was in there, "doin alright in there? I hope you're not playing around!" and he sounded like he was okay. But well, when he eventually came out of the bathroom, he was soaking wet from head to toe, and his hair was all spikey wet with several big foamy blobs in it. When questioned, all he would keep saying was, "I forgot to do it last night. I just remembered, I forgot to do it last night. I put in the shampoo, but I forgot to wash it out last night."

So he attempted to wash it out the next day. In school. In the sink that is about 1 foot from the floor.

Tasting

I've mentioned my feelings about cooking before. I don't mind doing it, but I don't love it either. This is mostly because of the clean-up factor and because I've never cooked anything that tasted better than something I could get in a restaurant (which has the added bonus of me getting served and not having to do dishes).

Anyway, I'm not a terrible cook, but I always seems to have minor issues along the way. I would like to submit the two most recent to you for further evidence that I should not bother cooking.

Reason the First: I decided to create my own risotto recipe last night. I melted some butter in the pan, added garlic and parsley, and toasted the arborio. Then, I went to add a splash of red wine, except I wasn't expecting the loud sizzle that was created when the wine hit the pan, and so it scared me and I jumped and I spilled a ton of wine into the rice and all over my stovetop. The risotto ended up coming out Just Okay.

Reason the Second: The night before, I hosted a Tastefully Simple party. (Yes, Christine you are right-- I have become total suburban housewife. Whatever. Free stuff.) All the recipes are simple enough, and the Banana Rum Cheese Ball was something easy like, "Add cream cheese to Packet 1. Stir until blended. Chill. Roll into ball. Roll ball into contents of Packet 2." Nothing about it except cutting the block of cream cheese required any measurement or anything! But you see, I made another recipe in the bowl before the Banana Ball, and so after I washed it out, I forgot to dry it, and then when I tried to mix the cream cheese with the flavoring packet, the mix came out all clumpy and gooey, and refrigerating it never really made it harden, and instead of a Banana Rum Cheese Ball, I made a Banana Rum Cheese Blob. It still tasted the same.

See? Minor catastrophes, I suppose, but I would be SO into a personal chef.

*****

There are two guys here setting up Alex's pool table today. I offered them coffee, and one guy asked for black, which is easy, but the other guy asked for "light and sweet," and since I usually use Splenda, not sugar, I wasn't sure how sweet was sweet and how light was light, and so after I made his coffee, I tasted it. I tasted his coffee from the cup I used to serve it in. To the pool table guy. I tasted the pool table guy's coffee right from his cup. And then I gave it to him with my germs on it. I tried not to backwash.

Improving Home

Perhaps the best thing that came out of hosting Thanksgiving dinner is that it was just what we needed to finally organizing our disaster of a house. And let me just add in there that I would have been game to do it much earlier, but was having my own secret in-my-head standoff with Alex, because if HE wasn't going to do it, I sure as hell wasn't going to either! Hmph!

So yeah, Thursday morning, we spent about 5 hours cleaning-- actually cleaning-- the house, moving boxes around, EMPTYING boxes, putting things where they are supposed to be rather than where we left them during our last pretend attempt at organization (such as my shoerack, which was supposed to be in our closet room*, but was actually in our guest room because I moved it when I built the closet organizer and never put it back). (* Incidentally, my grandma, who just saw the house for the first time, proclaimed that we should call it our Dressing Room, not a closet room. It's that functional now.)

It is not totally done, but it is at a point where 1) I am not embarassed when people come over, and 2) doing things like painting is actually possible. Incidentally, with my parents' help, we have painted two of the three bedrooms! (Erm, and this is a whoooole nuther story. Short version: it took two entire days to paint our bedroom. And then it still sucked, and my dad had to come over and fix our shitty work.) So I am finally feeling like I didn't move into a piece of shit for some guy. As it turns out, the whole disorganization thing was what was really eating at me! There is still a ton to do, but we've made a dent, at least.

*****

A Conversation

Alex: Did you just drink that Rolling Rock so you'd have a place to stick your flower?

Me: ...

Alex: *sigh* Dork.

Urinetown

Hey! What did you do when you got home from work today? Wanna know what I did? Okay, I'll tell you!

I chased my dog around with an empty margarine container in an attempt to collect a urine sample.

Oh, we are so glamorous here at the Frizz Household!

The venture was successful, but I can't help looking at the container (which, incidentally, I wiped down with a Clorox Wipe, wrapped in masking tape, and sealed in a gallon baggie, lest it want to pop open during the ride to the vet), thinking, I Can't Believe It's Not Butter! Heh! It's NOT butter!! Bwahahahahaa!! Oh, I crack myself up, I do.

*****

A few weeks after I moved here, I received a traffic ticket for going straight in a turn-only lane. In my defense, when I got into the turn-only lane, the sign was blocked by a tree, and by the time it became visible to me, no one would let me over into the straight lane. But blah-blah-blah, jerky cop gave me a ticket. When I received the notice for the court date in the mail, it turned out to be for 1 in the afternoon, October 31.

Then, to make a boring story longer and more boring, I kept forgetting to call to reschedule, until today. The lady asked me why I wanted to reschedule, which I was expecting, and I was all, "uh, well, it's Halloween and my students have a Halloween parade." To which she replied, "If I can't go to a Halloween party, neither can you!" So then I got even more nervous, and came back with a, "Well, I don't want to go to the parade, exactly, it's just that it is a school day and um, well my principal won't be very happy with me."

She asked me a couple questions, like where I taught and if they really have a Halloween parade, and I assured her that I teach behaviorally disabled students who are hyper on a regular day, and that it would be just plain cruel to leave a sub with them on a day when they are especially packed with sugar and stimuli.

Soooo... woot! She changed my court date, and was even nice enough to give me an evening appointment that isn't until January!! Woohoo! Christmas gifts for all!

*****

ChowDownKid has taken notice of the Lean Cuisines I carry with me down to the lunchroom almost every day. A couple days ago, he tried to insult me by whining, "You eat frozen food from a box!" To which I replied, "Yup. I do." CDK: "Yeah! They're frozen! From a box!" Me: "Yeah. I like them."

He seemed defeated at the time, because his insult didn't take, but now every once in awhile he'll summon me, "Yo! Frozen Food!"

I guess when the alternative is Tyrannical Bitch, Frozen Food isn't such a bad nick name.

*****

Now, it's time to leave for the vet, urine sample and all.

Pft.

So today we had an assembly... some crap about peer mediation with puppets and other freaky shit. Whatever. Though it was fun for the kids, I wanted to jab my eyes out. To pass the time, I started to catch up with a coworker. And then people, then...

The principal asked me to stop talking. I believe his exact words were, "Could you two not do that? You know: talk?"

Oh. Yes. He. Did.

I have not been repremanded for inappropriately timed talking since high school. Well, maybe once in college. Whatever.

The point is, I am an adult, and if I want to set a bad example for my students by talking when I'm not supposed to be, that should be my choice, damn it! And anyway: Do as I say, not as I do, kids, and I say, "Shut up."

And to show that I am an equal opportunity boss-arounder, I say it also to the principal.

So we got the puppy! She is currently sleeping on my lap. Waking up her mommy an hour early and not pooping when she got outside made her very sleepy.

Her name is Coconut, because she is only 2 lbs, and she looks like one when you hold her in a little ball. I will definitely post pictures, but lucky for you all, I cannot find my card reader at present.

*****

I got a ticket yesterday for going straight in a Turn-Only lane. What? I had to go straight, and I couldn't see the sign from behind the tree! And you know what I say to those "cell phone callers who complain that they have to wait in line while others go illegally in the turning lane and cut them off*?" I say stop being whiney little bitches-- sometimes people are new to neighborhoods and don't have traffic patterns memorized! Jerks.

* This is why the cop told me he had to enforce it. Whatev.

Progress

We are pretty sure something Went Down in our house. Remember the floor, and how there was red stuff, resembling blood, all over it? Well we also found a bloody knife in the backyard, and when we pulled up the other bedroom carpet yesterday, there was a bullet!!!

In other news, the floor guy is coming this week to refinish all the upstairs hardwood, and install hardwood in the living room. Alex and a couple friends ripped up the nasty laundry room floor and put down some self-adhesive vinyl tiles. All that's left will be to lift up and replace the carpet in what we have been referring to "the pool table room," and hopefully the doggy smell will be gone and I'll stop finding little black hairs everywhere.

Also? I need to shut my big mouth next time I tease my mom about pouring over the thousands of variations of the same color paint, because jesus, did you know how many different whites there are?!?!

*****

Yesterday was one of those days where I cried all day for no reason. Alex would make a joke, and my laughter would spontaneously turn into crying, and he would get all nervous like he did something wrong. I think he was relieved when I fell in the Target parking lot and scraped up my knee, because at least he knew why the tears...

An update AND some pictures

A full week after the fact, I am not so, so clear on the details of the settlement anymore, as most of my brain has been filled up with paint colors and To-Do lists. Honestly, I wrote this entry already, and blogger was a bitch and didn't let me save it and now I don't feel like doing it again. So the abridged version:

Settlement was scheduled for Thursday at 10a.m., and on Wednesday at 5p.m., some guy from Newtown* called our realtor to tell her we couldn't settle because a year and a half ago, Seller replaced the heater without a permit and by an out-of-state worker. Our mortgage company wouldn't accept the temporary C.O., and the paperwork for our permanent C.O. was sitting on a desk somewhere with a big ol' "Rejected" stamp on it.

While she was driving to her office to meet us (we decided to keep our 8:30am walk-through anyway), OurRealtor called Alex to make sure he was still coming. The phone call went something like this: "Hi Alex, just wanted to make sure you-- Oh my god my car is on fire! Smoke is billowing from the hood! Other motorists are pointing at me!!!" Since Alex works in the car business, he told OR what to do, and we kept our plans to meet her at her office, because part of his advice involved demanding that her dealership come pick up her car and leave her a loaner.

So we get to her office and wait around for the loaner. It gets there, we get in, and we hear, "RRRRRRPPPPPP!" as Alex's pants rip right down the back. He offers to run into the Target nextdoor, but OR refuses to "let him walk around like that," and drives us back to his house.

And so this is how the day went. I was pretty sure that the Rejection and the Fire and the Rip were signs that we should not go through with it, but we did, albeit** 7 hours later than scheduled.

I suppose all's well that ends well, assuming this house doesn't turn into the Money Pit and things don't actually end well...

* Heh. Is probably actual town name somewhere...
** Hate this word, but my fingers spewed it out uncontrollably

*****

Some pictures to illustrate how things are going:


Dead bat in the fireplace
Murry, may you rest in peace


What I found when I ripped up the carpet in one of the bedrooms
Possible murder scene?


*Gag* Nastiness *gag* under the bathm*gag*at
And also, the chipping glaze hidden by said bathmat during walk-through


My tally of switch plates and plugs,
because I'd rather buy new than clean them all

Vermin

The exterminator was just here (the association has him come out once a month) and he said that the huge cockroach I found dying in the corner of my bedroom last week was most likely not a cockroach, but a "waterbug." He blamed it on the torrential downpours we had just before I found it and told me how if you go to a certain local street, you could see thousands of them in the diner parking lot*. Anyway, I'm happy because that means I'm not a slob. Okay, Christine, I know you are "tsk-tsking" right now because you were in my apartment about a month ago and saw evidence to the contrary, but shuddup because it's clean here now and the bug guy said it wasn't a cockroach. And anyway, even if I am a slob, I am not a dirty slob whose nastiness caters to vermin. And I'd say that's some good news.

* Note to Self: Never, never go to that diner...


*****

I hate birds. I just find that whole flying-around-my-head-threatening-to-peck-my-eyes-out-and-
shitting-on-my-car thing very unappealing. Because I live in a semi-city environment, and in an apartment, I've seen my share of pigeons while living here. In fact, there is a nest of them on top of the window air conditioner across the ally from my bedroom, and on most mornings they wake me up if my noisy air purifier isn't on.

Anyway, just now, as I was typing this entry, I noticed water falling right in front of my window. I looked out, and saw that the stream of water was only coming from one spot, and that it looked kind of whitish. I went to the window and looked up, and I saw the ass of a pigeon shaking it's tail feather, drip-dropping its excess shit. Right onto my Welcome mat.

Welcome, indeed.

Sparks and Sushi

When I moved into Apartment, my mom gave me her old Panasonic vacuum, with the suggestion that I take it to the vaccuum and sewing machine repair place that is approximately one quarter of a mile from my apartment and have the belts replaced and the nasty pet-hair smell flushed out. I never did end up doing that, and since the smell was so horrific each time I vacuumed, I tended to do it... well... not so often.

Yesterday, when I flipped the switch to On, I was greeted with a loud, metallic exploding noise, like R2-D2 and Rosie had one too many shots of tequilla and decided to hump*. Whatever the noise actually was created sparks and a thin trail of smoke that raised up from where the cord goes into the machine. And then the whole thing just went dead.

I'm now trying to find a new vacuum, which I didn't realize would be such an expensive endeavour. I want one with a bag, since I've heard that the bagless variety aren't great for those with allergies, but damn, who wants to spend $300 on something you use to clean? Any suggestions for a good vaccum that isn't so expensive? Damn, this is boring and I am old.

* I fully realize this is the weirdest reference ever, but it's the first thing that came to my mind when I was trying to think of something to liken that sound to. I also fully really this makes me really fucking strange.

*****

Last weekend I went to NoJo, where Alison and Mike&Jay and I kicked off SushiFest2007. The whole ordeal kicked off at the Asian Food Center (familiarly called "AFC" by Mike). Have you ever wondered what it's like to be an ADD kid in a Chuck E. Cheese? If so, and you are someone who is not Asian, go to an AFC. Upon stepping into this store, I was greeted with so many bright colors, foodstuffs I had never heard of before (jellied redbeans? and people eat spiced chicken feet??), and packages with lables I could not read, that I just didn't know where to look. Searches for specific items like nori and edimame left me standing in the middle of an isle and turning in circles. After an hour or so, I found my self gazing through the windows into the gray, familiar parking lot to give my eyes and brain a rest.

It was totally worth it though, because, damn, did you know how cheap stuff is at an AFC? For about $40, you can buy enough food to feed 4-6 people to stuffed, while the same meal at a decent sushi restaurant would cost upwards of $100. And also? Rolling my own maki was SO FUN!! Jay was an excellent teacher, because surely I would have rolled the bamboo mat right into the rice had it not been for his instruction.

Other items on the menu, lovingly cooked by Anyonebutme:

• salted edimame
• tempura scallops and shrimp
• seafood and cabbage dumplings

Oh, and I made the dumpling sauce, because after looking at the ingredients on the bottle at the AFC, Alison wouldn't let me buy it, "Uh, you can make this yourself." It wasn't bad, but the bottled stuff probably would have been better.

I have added this cute sushi set to my Amazon wishlist, because although I loved making my own sushi, I probably would not do it just for myself. This set is for 4 people, so it will give me an excuse to invite the 3 of them down here for another go!

Apples

More time past with nothing interesting to write about. This is getting redic. But for those of you bored at work, something boring to read is better than nothing... right guys? Right??

My apartment is officially a wreck. There are dirty dishes all over the kitchen, except for the inside of the dishwasher, where the dishes are clean. There is a pile of socks and various shoes under my desk, where apparently I get tired of having my feet bound. My brand new Gazelle has already taken on its alternate use of Extended Closet/Hamper. And no, I'm not still sick, but the dirty tissues are still piled up on my nightstand, multiplying germs.

Yes, I'm a dirtbag.

*****

Alex and I are looking at houses. We found one this weekend, and he made an offer, so we'll see. I really like the house and am way excited to live with him and actually be able to see him every day. And also, the built-in bar, as long as stocked, will come in very handy in my quest to become a post-work alcoholic.

*****

The State (dun dun duuuuuuuunnnn!!!!) is coming to monitor our school tomorrow, and everyone is going apeshit. I'm preparing, but as usual, "whatever," is my motto. I'd freak the fuck out if I did something wrong and got called on it, but who can worry about that before it happens?

*****

Kid-Bit

I love it when I hear my students use phrases that I know they learned (unintentionally) from me. Recent example:

While playing with Legos, Diego grabs a piece from GremlinKid.
Gremlin Kid: HEY! You snatched that!
Diego: Howdoya like THEM apples?

Hypothetically Speaking...

I tended to just squeak by with B's and C's in school, unless the teacher required absolutely no work, because then I'd get an A just for being there and contributing to the conversation. I blame laziness, and the fact that when I get overwhelmed by something, I ignore it. This has caused many many hours of procrastination and paper-writing all-nighters. And sometimes it just caused many many hours of procrastination with the end result of, well, nothing to show.

This annoys a lot of people. It especially annoys the type of people who are hard workers and overachievers and who spend weeks on a paper that I only spend a night on, and we still get the same grade.

And if we don't get the same grade, I'm usually satisfied with a C or a B because I know that I didn't put shit effort into what I wrote, and that I probably deserve it, and that "Average" or "Above Average" isn't so bad when you consider there are people who actually try, but who just aren't good writers, and their hardest work merits them a C.

In college, one of my flatmates and I took the same class in which the final paper had to be a 12-page summary of everything that we had learned during the semester. After about 6 pages, I got bored with writing and decided to call it quits. No summary, no spellcheck. I figured that since I only wrote half the paper, I was deserving of a 50%. This didn't please me, but my desire to ignore what overwhelmed me outweighed my desire to actually raise my GPA. End result: I got an A with the comment, "You left some things out, but overall, great paper!" while my friend, who wrote a complete paper, got a B+.

Fast forward to this past semester, when I took my final class for my special ed certification. It was a graduate class, and I had had the professor 2 or 3 times before, and each time the syllabus included the same types of assignments which I found useless and tedious. I considered the fact that this professor was disorganized, too busy, and still wasn't sure what my name was (in a class of 12), and I decided to just not write the final paper. I got an A in the course. This is a higher grade than I received when I actually did all the work.

I'm not particularly proud of being a slacker, but something inside of me feels, oh, I don't know, sort of "nanny nanny boo boo" when I beat the system.

And if I had actually put effort into getting an education, I might have been able to come up with a phrase more sophisticated than, "nanny nanny boo boo."

Suds

There is only one thing I don't like about my apartment, and that is the lack of washer and dryer. I hardly did my laundry at my parents' house, because god forbid I walk up and down the 12 stairs a couple times. But now it's even worse, because not only do I have to walk up and down 12-or-so stairs, I also have to walk outside, around to the side of the building, unlock the laundry room door, and *gasp* pay $1.25 per teeny-tiny washerloadfull... plus drying. It's annoying, and I always feel like that "I forgot to add the fabric softener!" commercial.

So I'm leaving for Boston tomorrow*, and here I am, at almost 8pm, just starting my laundry because I have absolutely nothing to wear. Not even underwear. I went through all the comfy stuff, through the thongs, and today I had to go with none. That's how I know it's time.

I think I will one day cause my aide to have a heart attack. She has a special schedule for her laundry: 24-year-old son's work clothes on Monday, whites on Tuesday, colors on Wednesday, etc., until Saturday when she does all of her ironing at once. (She gasps in disbelief when I mention things like, "I had no more clean underwear today so I had to wear a thong." I kept the whole Freebird incident to myself.) Of course, this might just be because I gave her a little TMI, but anyways I admire her commitment to a pristine house, and actual clean clothes that she didn't just spray with Febreze and run through the "Fluff" cycle. Speaking of which, I miss the Fluff cycle, but the absence of one made me purchase a new iron, which I put a lot of research into before buying and absolutely love. You know. As far as irons go.

* Please don't burgle me when I'm gone...

*****

I got take-out Mexican for dinner (like from a real restaurant, not Taco Bell) and I am terribly disappointed. That might be because I waited an hour before eating it and now it's all cold, or it might be because I don't like enchiladas, and yet I keep ordering them anyway. Either way, I'm annoyed that they didn't throw in the usual chips and salsa, because along with the soup, which was pretty good, that would have made a nice meal. Note to self: Next time, just order soup and a half quesadilla.

*****

I was kicked in the shin today by a student. It still hurts, and there's a nice little bruise there.

*****

Crayola Jelly Beans? Not as "feel like a kid again" as they seem they'd be. Jelly Belly still reigns supreme.

*****

I fell asleep last night during the president's address. Not only is he a moron, he is boring and a poor speaker. I prefer the Today Show's summary and commentary any day.

1 Tequilla, 2 Tequilla, 3 Tequilla, Floor!

I woke up at 6 o'clock Sunday morning naked and face-down on the bathroom floor. I'm not sure quite what time I went in there, but my best estimate is sometime between 1 and 2.

That's what a few glass of wine will do to me.

I wonder if I will ever come to an age where, at the middle of Glass Two, I say to myself, "Self, you know that if you drink another after this one, you will wind up naked and face-down on the bathroom floor, so stop when you hit the bottom."

The Threat of the Hangover always seems to stay with me for a few weeks, and then somehow it gets forgotten again. New Year's Eve, for example, I hardly drank at all. I even asked for a cup of coffee because I knew I had started early and still had a couple hours to go.

Saturday night though, I did not have such foresight. We went to a country club for TheBoy's Work Party, and around Glass Four, Alex encouraged me to go up and DanceAttack his boss, who hates to dance, and consequently summoned his wife to come over and save him. (Note: Boss has told Alex that if he ever breaks up with me, he is fired.)

Also? We left the party at 11:30, and hit a bar with FriendandWife for another drink.

Fast Forward to Bathroom Floor, because I'm fuzzy on all the details in-between. (I am picturing Wayne and Garth doing that "dodododo dodododo!" Dream Sequence thing...)

*****

Around 11, Alex left to get stuff for breakfast, and he returned with roses and candy to make me feel better, and he made me an omelette and hash browns and a crossant.

I could get used to this. Almost makes the Hangover worth it...

Remaining in fridge:

• 2 bottles of St. Maarten rum
• 20 diet peach Snapples
• 16 bottles of water
• an unopened 12-pack of Miller Lite
• 3 yogurts, still good
• 4 sugar-free Jell-O's, strawberry
• 3 natural-style applesauces
• an unopened container of fat free feta cheese crumbles
• Wegman's prepared macaroni & cheese, just purchased today
• Unopened containers of: Dill vegetable dip, hummus, cottage cheese, ricotta cheese, which are all too big for one person living alone
• Various condiments
  

Just cleaned from fridge:

• 11 Over-dated eggs
  
• Moldy blueberries
• 4-day old Chinese food from the Wegman's Wokery
• Outback bleu cheese chopped salad leftovers from last Thursday
• 3-day old uneaten spicy tuna rolls
  
• Presliced onions and peppers to make omlettes out of the 11 over-dated eggs
• Containers of puffed-up spoiling beverages: apple juice, Gatorade Rain
• Gladware container full of jasmine rice sporting mold colors of green, pink, and black
• Half a glass dish of bread pudding, made on November 21 for TheBoy's birthday
• Small saucepan full of bourbon cream sauce served with bread pudding
• Small dish of 2-week old guacamole
• Large plastic container with small amount of sliced cucumbers and ranch dressing
  

Christmas Deadbeat

Yup, that's what I am.

Having never really celebrated Christmas before, I was all excited about the prospect of enthusiastically opening my pile of gifts and then watching Alex open his, and then the two of us excitedly testing everything out while sugar plum fairies danced around my living room.

Except the whole thing? Kind of anticlimactic. I'm not saying I don't appreciate everything I received... I love LOVE all of my presents- they were all thoughtful and perfect and Alex gave me the sweetest card that almost made me cry. But he brought them all over on Christmas eve, and despite my protests, he insisted that in his family that's when they opened their presents. And who am I to start my own Christmas traditions? I'm Jewish for christ's sake.

And also? His brother was there, and though I love his brother, it kind of took away from the romance of it all.

And one more thing? He told his dad the same thing he hinted at wanting when he was with me, and so by the time I gave him his stuff, he had already gotten the rolling garment bag. So basically he openened a steamer, a leather DVD binder, The Family Guy vol. 4, and a grooming kit. Whoot. Whoot.

My loot?
The TV/DVD player
Burberry quilted jacket
Burberry cashmere scarf
Matching cute pink gloves
A red leather laptop bag
Travel jewelry case
PJ pants
Slippers
a classic musicals collection of DVDs
The Devil Wears Prada DVD (I wanted to see it)
a Pier 1 gift card
and a Poo-Pooing Santa Claus

I suck at giving presents.

I know, I know... I kind of knew this would happen and had resigned myself to the fact that I'd be receiving more than I'd be giving. But wait til you hear this one.

We're going out to dinner on Christmas Eve with his mom and grandma. I have been asking Alex for a month for some suggestions for what to get his mom, who I don't know all that well. The most frequent response was, "Just get her something stupid." Which was extremely helpful.

Fast forward to the day before Christmas Eve, and I still don't have anything for her. I'm at the mall. I'm freaking out. I frantically text message him that I am not going to dinner and you can't make me.

Christmas Eve morning, after I make several debunked suggestions of what I could get her, Alex insists that I should just get her a couple of pounds of ground Dunkin Donuts coffee, and no, I shouldn't get the gift set, just the coffee, keep it simple, it's useful, she will love it, relax, relax, it's no big deal really.

So I get the friggin coffee.

Fast forward once more to dinner. Set scene: Jess opens a gift bag from Alex's mom, which contains tons of little accessory type things, antibacterial gels, mints, etc. (because if we had eaten at the house, I'd have had a stocking), and a $50 Commerce Bank gift card.

And then I handed her my gift, which contained two pounds of DD coffee and a tin of homemade peppermint bark. She did seem appreciative, but I'm pretty sure I saw her checking under the tissue paper for something she may have missed. A loose coffee bean, perhaps.

So I wake up Christmas morning, and all I want to do all day is cry. My gift to my boyfriend was spoiled, my gift to his mom was straight up retarded, and by the way, his grandmother gave me a card with a $10 in it and I got her nothing.

Y'all? I suck at Christmas.

Music

I wouldn't say that I'm very varied when it comes to my taste in music. Sure, I like to listen to classical sometimes, and on occasion you will find me tapping my foot to a country song, and we have already discussed how street I am, so you know that there's a little rap in my repertoir.

But ultimately, it all comes down to I Listen to Whatever is on the Top 40 Stations and Even Then, Only if it is Upbeat.*

Tonight while I was driving home from work, I forgot to change the station from my usual morning show, and I heard Green Day's Brain Stew, U2's Where The Streets Have No Name, and Bush's Glycerine. It made me remember that I do like some rock music here and there, but that everytime I try to listen to a rock station for more than a song or two, they throw in something craptastic by The Who and I am forced to change the station.

Which brings me to the point of this post: For those of you who are more eclectic with your music tastes, 1) When people ask you what kind of music you like, how do you usually answer? and 2) If you were making a mix of great rock songs for jamming in your car, what are some songs you'd be sure to include?

* I have slightly more tolerance for ballads now that I am in love, but when I say "slightly," I mean it like "Oh, how nice, her heart will go on! Okay next station."