Day Off

Ahhhh... You may be wondering why I'm blogging at 8:30 a.m. on a Wednesday that does not happen to be any kind of federal holiday. Or you may not really give a shit, but whatever.

I am home because I have taken the first of my 2 remaining personal days to go to the spa. Yes! I am just that posh. Um, and also, I have a gift certificate. This is coming at just the right time-- as the name of the package says, a "perfect refresher:" nails, toes, facial, a "light lunch" and a hairdo. I went ahead and scheduled a cut, color, and brow-waxing while I'm at it, and will actually be in the salon for about 5 hours today. I am expecting to step out of the place looking quite glamorous. Or at least not like the mess I have been looking like.

*****

We didn't exactly stay on top of keeping the pool clean toward the end of last summer. I called way late for an appointment to get it closed, and by the time they came, the trees were already shedding. There was a leak somewhere in the pool, and I was tired of going out and filling it up every day in order to run the filter, and oh yeah, there was this little incident with a $900 water bill. In short, I was tired of the damn thing, and let it get all green and nasty before the cover even went on.

Fast forward to last week, when we spend days pumping the cover, only to learn that it had a rip, and as much water as went through the pump, most of it actually came from the pool. When we finally took the cover off, the pool was only about half full and the water was smelly and murky and we decided to just drain and clean the whole thing. That ended up taking days as well, due to a broken pump, and the fact that the leaves and goddamn brown spikey ball things and whirlybirds kept clogging up the lines.

It is finally empty now, and my dad is coming over after work today to finish cleaning it out. P.S. He is the one doing most of this work, and when I said we spent days working on this, I really mean he did. Any suggestions for thank-you gifts? We owe him a lot.

Anyway, I have several calls in to pool places to come out and give us estimates to repair the cement and paint the whole thing. I have a feeling that by the time all of this happens, we will be close to, if not into July. Thank goodness for our A/C... knockonwood.

Falling Into Place

I am such a nerd that I turned last night's American Idol results into an impromptu lesson about percentages and ratios, which my 6th graders are currently studying. I am sure this was done more for me than them, as I can practically hear their voices now: Awww! Cool! American Idol! Wait, you want us to do MATH?! This is so stOOpid." My internal monologue was more like: David Cook won by 12 million votes? Hmm... I wonder what percent that is of the total number of voters...?

Although this whole situation has been shitty, and I think that I am still a little too corny for 6th graders, I'm not scared of them like I used to be. I feel slightly more comfortable with the material than I did a week ago. (Though I will admit to studying up on the math the night before a lesson because the first couple days left me staring blankly at the board not knowing how to do anything, hence I said things like, "StudentA, why don't you show the class how to solve this problem?") Less fear means more job options, so if I can find a middle school position in a good district, I'll take that now, too.

*****

I am a little nervous today because I have to meet with a former student's mom (she wants him retained because of his lack of maturity), and Boss Lady will be in on the meeting. Although she works in the same building, I have spent the last week perfecting the game of Ways to Get Places Without Passing Her Office (mostly by travelling on the second and third floor and in stairwells, similar to how a rat might sneak around an office building during the day). This will be the first time I have seen her since things went down last week and since I received her Letter. I also don't know what they told my old students' parents about the reason for the switch so late in the year. Did they even give a reason? If the mom asks me, I'm not sure how I'll answer.

I've Been Told

I received that reprimanding letter yesterday. Parts of it were hurtful, and parts of it were inaccurate, and the majority of it was extremely hypocritical. My original post included the retyped letter along with my commentary negating each sentence. Then I got all scared that it would somehow be found, and that it would come back to bite me in the ass, just as everything this year has seemed to do, and I decided to just save it as a Draft and let it go. My union guy is going in today to see if he can A) Get them to let me submit a letter of reassignment to override my non-renewal, and B) Get the letter of reprimand out of my file. He's an inexperienced guy, and though I know he will do his best, I'm doubtful. Because of the way things were handled, I could go through the grievance process, and probably get my job back (which I don't want), but I don't really have a legal leg to stand on for those other two requests. Even the union guy was annoyed when I told him that I don't want to grieve this. He said I am setting a poor precedent for anyone who follows me in a similar situation who may want his or her job back. But I am going to let that person burn the path.

Yesterday I was feeling sad and depressed and angry and sorry for myself and hopeless about my future. Today I am just feeling a little sad, and like somehow there is a weight that has been lifted. I'm not sure what that weight is... I still don't know what the outcome of this afternoon's meeting will be, and so most likely I will still be leaving this district on their terms, not mine, and with libelous information in my file. But whatever...

28 days left in district
19 school days

In Which I Go On and On About Camis

Several years ago I bought 2 Gap Perfect Camis and an Old Navy Favorite Cami. They have truely been my perfect favorites since. However, due to their frequency of wear, they have become dingy, and I am going to blame their current snugness on the fact that they have been through so many washings, not that I have gained about 25lbs since I purchased them.

Anyway, it is time to replace them, and I am having an aweful time. Camis I find now tend to have straps that are too skinny to hide my bra, an attached shelf bra is redundant and disfiguring since I never go braless, and often times they are cut too low to help much when part of the reason I wear them is to keep The Girls off display at work.

I don't want something ribbed because that tends to look out of place under a dress shirt or sweater. I don't want something too close-fitting, because I rely on the extra layer to smooth my look a little. I don't want anything too short, because occasionally I need an extra inch or so under my shirt to cover up my gut.

Do you have any suggestions? Where can I get the perfect cami, even if it is not the Perfect Cami?

Productive

This weekend was a mishmash of drama and extreme laziness and actual construct...ivity(?) and luckily it was busy enough to, for a few moments anyway, take my mind off the hemorrhoid that is My Job.

The drama part began with a phone call at 6 a.m. on Saturday from my brother. He had been in a car accident on the way back from Atlantic City. His friend had fallen asleep at the wheel, the car was totaled, and because of where my brother was sitting, he endured the brunt of the crash. Thank goodness that only added up to 3 staples in his head, some whiplash, and a bunch of cuts and bruises, because from the sound of things, it could have been waaaaay worse.

So I drove the hour from my house to a hospital near AC (they hadn't made it very far) and played the part of the Good Sister, promising not to tell Mom and Dad before he did, and then screaming at him for spending 6 safe months in Iraq-- a war zone, and then coming back to New Jersey and almost killing himself. Idiot.

P.S. The most entertaining part of this whole thing was when his roommate, D, had to push their female friend, A, unscathed, sporting a hospital gown and disconnecting false eyelashes, out of the hospital in a wheelchair because she was still too drunk to walk.

When I finally returned home, 4 hours later, I slept for another 2 hours and then went to my parents' house so my mom could help me with my resume. I scored a free Omaha Steaks cheeseburger and made my way to Kelly's, where Coconut had a chance to play with her new puppy. It made me reconsider a second dog, because she had so much fun, got out so much energy, and I didn't really have to be a part of it. Then again, I would have to be a part of buying twice as much dog food, giving twice as many baths, and cleaning up twice as many "accidents." So the jury is still out on that one.

On Sunday, Alex and I worked more on the garage. This seems to be a never-ending project, as we have spend many Sundays out there, and still do not have a beautiful, HGTV worthy organized storage space. Perhaps the biggest accomplishment of the day was when we brought our bags and bags and bags (I'm not exaggerating-- there were about 20) of old clothing to the clothing drop dumpsters in the grocery store parking lot.

Ethical Question for Y'all: If you are absolutely too lazy/busy/saddled down with the loads of laundry containing clothes you are currently wearing, do you:
A. Donate bags of dirty clothes, unsensored for worn underwear, in the hopes that someone else might decide to wash them and some less fortunate people will be able to purchase your expensive, designer-but-too-small-clothing?
B. Throw everything away because otherwise someone would have to dig through your clothes, and will inevitably touch a pair of your dirty underwear, and that's just unsanitary?

Alex insisted on A. I want to state for the record that my bags of clothes were clean and contained not a pair of underwear, dirty or otherwise.

After the donation, we went grocery shopping, and I purchased the ingredients for The Last Macaroni and Cheese I am Attempting, I Swear. If this doesn't work, I am spending the rest of my life with Kraft and Mom's (when she makes it and I happen to be around).

Stay tuned-- I'll let you know how it goes.

I didn't want to get the union involved, but I had to. I have made it clear that I do not want to fight for my job. My main objective (Teacher Will Be Able To...) is to get out of there with as little damage to my reputation as possible.

Really, I'm tired of thinking and talking about this, but at the same time, I can't get it off my mind, and so it seems always to be the most natural thing to bring up in conversation. I am being constantly approached at work by people who, meaning to be supportive, want to know how I'm doing, how my week went, their thoughts on what kind of "raw deal," I got, or how the way in which I was, "screwed over is unbelievable." It's nice of them to show concern, and sometimes they do say things that make me feel slightly better ("J is wonderful, but she is having a very tough time over there."), but really? I just want it to be over.

So for now, let's move on to more cheerful topics.

*****

Family

My little brother made it home safely from Iraq yesterday morning! I saw him last night, and I have decided that from now on, I am going to make more of an effort to hang out with him. He has served his 4 years, and is going to start looking for another job, so it's not really the whole safety issue anymore-- it's just that we're older now, and so the years between us don't seem so significant.

*****

Food
Ahhh, perhaps my favorite topic of all...

I have never really been much into Indian food. I think this is mostly because I never ate it while growing up, and then in college I was turned off by the smell of it being cooked a couple doors down in my dorm. This past December, we randomly decided to spend our Jewish Christmas* in an Indian restaurant instead of a Chinese one.

I was pleasantly surpised, and ever since then I go through periods of craving. The problem is, there really aren't any good Indian delivery or take-out, or even dine-in restaurants in the immediate area.

I have found the answer in the Tandoor Chef. Tonight I had the Tandoori Naan with the Paneer Tikka Masala over some microwave-in-pouch basmati rice. I know I'm no expert, but the whole thing took 5 minutes to heat and plate, and it beat the shit out of a Hungry Man dinner. The Naan took about 3 minutes in a 400 degree oven, and came out steamy and tender, and it was the perfect scoop for the masala, which was flavorful and rich. I am stuffed after eating just half of everything, but I keep eyeing the leftovers, unsure of whether I can wait until another meal time to finish them up.

* I say this, however my Christmas was actually spent with Alex's family, which is not Jewish. They do the Christmas Day ethnic food thing anyway. The family dinner is Christmas Eve with his mom.

*****

TV

I don't know what I've been doing lately that's been keeping me so busy, but I have about 2 weeks worth of shows DVR'd. Since I arrived home at 2:45 today, I have watched Top Model, Grey's Anatomy, 2 episodes of Lost, American Idol, and now I'm watching SVU. All this was viewed around the 2 hour nap I took.

*****

Books

I just finished Remember Me? by Sophie Kinsella, which was a nice, mindless and cheery way to distract myself. I have ordered Julie & Julia from the library, and will pick it up when I drop this one off. Which, by the way, I am having issues doing. My new (but not so new anymore since it's been a year since we moved in!) town is sort of city-like where it's not full of suburban neighborhoods, and so the library is on a street with parallel parking. There is a lot behind the library, but then you are forced to walk half way around the block to get to the door once you have parked. All of this, combined with my incredible laziness, has been preventing me from a speeding turn-around rate.

*****

TheBoy

I know I said I wasn't going to talk anymore about all the work drama, but this is really about Alex's reaction to said drama. He has never much seemed like the night-in-shining-armor type. He is usally laid back about everything, and will try to solve any concerns by telling me, "just don't worry about it." But since all of this shitty stuff happened on Monday, he has really stepped up to the plate. He has suddenly taken on this protective air, ranting about contacting the union and getting legal advice and conspiring with friends about how to best "make that asshole regret what he's done." I have never much been into the macho type, but I have to say I'm kinda liking this.

And the Shit Just Keeps Piling On

I have been given a "courtesy call" to let me know I'll be receiving a letter of repremand for taking all my stuff, because it was "insensitive" to the children.

My response was that had I 3 days to think it over before the switch was made, I perhaps would have been able to make a more rational decision. However, in the shock and adrenaline of the situation, I felt like Flight With My Stuff had to be the survival technique I used.

And I still feel that taking away a teacher 8 months into the year is far more insensitive than me taking my stuff.

No matter.

Administrators have also been told that they are not to give me a positive recommendation or help me find a new job, or they will also receive letters of repremand from the sup't.

He wants me to bring back everything I took home with me so that he can "inspect" it and make sure I didn't steal anything that belonged to the school.

I am not a thief. I was very careful about what I took and what I left behind. Perhaps he didn't realize all of the hundreds of dollars I invested into making that classroom work. I am not bringing my belongings back. What I may do instead, look through the pile that now takes up a quarter of my garage floor, create an itemized list of where I purchased everything, and their costs.

Not that it's going to change things.

I do believe everything happens for a reason, but right now the only Reason I can see is that I am never supposed to get hired in another district again.

24 more days.

Day One... Again

One of the standard issues of an undergraduate education in education is a book called The First Days of School. It discusses things like rule-making, classroom layout, grade-keeping, and effective parent-teacher communication.

I would like Harry Wong to write a sequel, and title it, The First Days of School at the End of the Year in a New School with Another Teacher's Rules and Feng Shui and Rollbooks and Parent Call Logs and Students Who are Upset About Losing Their Teacher. And then perhaps he can write a sequel to that, called How to Get the Most Out of Teaching by Putting In the Least Effort Because You Refuse to Give that District One More Fucking Second of Your "Off-Clock" Time.

Today was weird.

It felt like the first day of high school, except worse because none of my middle school friends were there with me, and I had no one to eat lunch with so I just sat in my classroom and looked through 6th grade math that is way over my head.

The other teacher (initial J) left amazing plans. Everything was totally organized, laid out neatly on the desk, and some things were even prepared and copied to take me to the end of the year. It made me feel guilty that in my spite toward the district ("I am not leaving anything here that I purchased with my own money or created with my own brain because fuck them if they think they are going to bring in another teacher to use all of my hard work and everything will be all better."), I kind of screwed a fellow teacher as well.

Sources say that J understood, and said that she probably would have done the same thing if she was placed in the same situation. Which she was not, because she will have her old job back next year, and she was told Thursday that this would be happening. I was told yesterday at 2:30, approximately 18 minutes before the students were to leave, and 45 minutes before my contractual day was over (and like I said, fuck them if they think I am giving them any extra time), and therefore did not have enough time to think it over and take The High Road and decide to leave my shit until the end of the year.

J was told to just do what she needs to do to get through to the end of the year. I can't help but wonder what the year would have been like if I had been told the same. Actually, I was told the same. I was told to forget about their academics until their behaviors were under control, and so I introduced the "concerning" activitiy of Silly Putty, and was given a negative observation. I wonder if J will try to teach, or just make it fun until the middle of June.

I am still trying to see the positives.

1. When I got home today, I wasn't tired of hearing my own voice.
2. I was not so worn out that I needed a two-hour nap.
3. I can wear skirts.
4. I don't have to remind anyone to blow their noses.
5. I have SmartBoards in all my classrooms.
6. The last 90 minutes of my day are student-free, so there is plenty of time to plan for the next day.
7. It is no longer appropriate to eat while teaching (edible incentives/reinforcers often = "one for you, two for me" reaction), so maybe I'll drop some pounds.
8. I can leave 15 minutes earlier.

That's all I can think of for now. Maybe more will arise. Maybe they won't. Like I said, it's only 25 days.

So...

Despite all the detail I've provided about certain aspects of my job and the possible pending non-renewal, the true disfunction within the class-->school-->district has always seemed too overwhelming to discuss. I'm not a talented enough writer to describe what's been going on in a way that truely conveys how awful this year has been for me, so for the most part, I've tried to just discuss the generic parts. The Kid-Bits, the things that made me laugh, the minor, day-to-day annoyances.

Well I'm pretty sure that what happened today will get across the rediculousness of that place.

I guess the proper way to say it would be, "my contract for the 2008-2009 school year has not been renewed." But it was so much more than that. Because instead of just a non-renewal, I have also been replaced. I was told that there needed to be immediate change because of the events that have been taking place with one student, and that I am to continue the last 25 days of my contract at the district middle school as a 6th grade in-class support teacher.

And it was not just me. My aide received similar news about not being re-hired, but in addition, today was to be her last day. Period. They are going to pay her until June, but she is not to return to work.

I am not stupid enough to think they will never find anyone anyone as good as me. I know I am a good teacher, but I also know that there are plenty of other teachers out there who are also good or great or who have more experience with behavioral kids.

I guess my stupidity is shown in the fact that I never thought anything immediate would be done. I didn't think that a group of administrators would make the decision to pull two staff members two months before the end of school from a group of boys with abandonment issues, because that would be insane. I didn't think anyone would find it more sensical to get rid of a teacher and an aide rather than a boy with severe psychological disfunction that cannot be handled in a public school no matter who you stick in there or how many incentives you offer him, because that does NOT make sense. And Jesus Christ, I did not think they would tell me all this at 2:30 on a Monday and expect me to be gone the next day.

I know my last 25 days, despite the learning curve, will be far easier than my last 155 have been.

But I don't think it will be easier for the boys.

Not So Easy Mac

Tonight I continued my quest for the Second Best Baked Macaroni and Cheese by making Alton Brown's recipe. So far, it has been the best that I've tried, but still not quite what I'm looking for. To be fair, I didn't have all of the ingredients. I didn't have the powdered mustard, so I used a mixture of yellow and dijon. I didn't have paprika, so I used a seasoning salt mixture that had paprika in it. I didn't have panko bread crumbs, so I used Italian. Also, I had a little issue tempering the egg, in that I don't think I did it right; after I stirred the cheese into the sauce, I discovered skinny little ribbons of cooked egg throughout. This could have caused the lack of creaminess that I have been searching for.

I think I will try this recipe again, but with all the correct ingredients, and maaaaybe I will strain out the onions before I add the cheese, as I wasn't the fan of their texture in the final product.