2 Months and Counting Down

At first I started to write an entry about the things I'll miss when I move out. But then I realized that most of those things will probably still happen even after I'm gone. For example, conversations like the one following could easily happen over the phone or while I'm waiting for my laundry to dry visiting.

Me: Are you wearing underwear????
Mom: Um, yes. You always ask me that, and I always wear underwear!
Me: Well I didn't know... they were nude colored and you were putting your pajamas on. I don't wear underwear with my pajamas...
Mom: You don't???
Me: No. Your vagina needs to breathe, Mom!
Mom: I don't care if my vagina breathes or not. It's half-dead anyway.

And my Dad will probably still pick up things from the grocery store that he sees and thinks I'd like-- I'll just have to get them while I'm stopping by for a free meal visiting.

And on Sundays, when everyone is napping at the same time and the house is all quiet, and since everyone is sleeping, no one has to feel lazy? That can still happen when I come over to float around in the pool visit.

Things I won't miss:

• My parents are always asking me what my Plans are. It's the first question I hear on Friday when I get home from work, and it is asked approximately 234,632 more times over the course of the weekend.
• There is constant discussion over "what's for dinner?" If "Got any plans?" is asked 234,632 times during one weekend, this question is surely asked 4 times that, as it is asked all week.
• When I buy something I don't necessarily need, someone always says, "Boy, you must be made of money!"
• When I get picked up for a date, my dad stands at the top of the stairs and watches me through the window over the door as I greet the lucky fella.
• I love our dog, but when my parents decide to go out early on weekend mornings, it is inevitable that I will be awakened by her howling at the injustice of being left "alone," until she realizes I'm home and comes to greet me all waggly and licky.

*****

In case you were wondering, when attempting to make a lemony garlic butter sauce for your pasta, lemon extract is actually a disgusting addition. If you have no fresh lemons or juice concentrate in the little plastic lemon, skip the whole thing and go maranara. You'll thank me for that one someday.

Random Musings

Woohoo! I finally looked up figured out how to put my own masthead on my page! Aren't I so mysterious and film noir? Okay, yeah, I know that it doesn't exactly reflect the tone of my blog*, but now that I know how to do it, perhaps I will eventually come up with a creation that is more fitting. I like this one because I think it will scare Meg, as my eyes are peering at her. Just her. Hey Meg! I seeee yooouuuu!!**

Anyway.

My weekend was pretty uneventful. Mostly it was full of laundry. And I don't really think I'm exaggerating much when I say that I washed 10 loads of clothes. It was definitely more than 5, and a couple times I split loads into 2 so that I'd have less to fold at a time. Yet, it seems I never have anything to wear. This is perhaps because most of my clothes are always stuffed in the bottom of my hamper, in piles on my floor, or just don't fit. Christine, you would be so proud, as my room no longer smells of musty fabric, and you can see the entire floor, unlike when you visited the other day!

I know this may come as a shock to those of you who know of my organized living project and such, but let me assure you that I have not fallen off the wagon. Aside from the laundry issue, I really have kept everything neat. The insides of my drawers, cabinets, and closet stay quite neat, and when I do actually decide to straighten up my room, it is tons easier than it used to be because there is a place for everything. When the piles of papers and clothes become overwhelming, I simply do some filing and the laundry and wa-la! And speaking of filing? What the eff is with all this paperwork that comes with being an adult? What happened to the days when all I had to do was throw a graded term paper into a box and I was done? I now have folders to contain car information, health insurance, and tons of receipts so that come tax-time I can claim the thousands of dollars I spend on my classroom. This is not preferred.

The good that has come from this weekend? Since I spent my whole Saturday and Sunday doing such chores, I now have my entire Monday to sit around and do nothing!*** So far I have had 2 cups of coffee, put a pair of pajamas in the hamper, watched my dad unload groceries, and updated the html on my blog. Perhaps later I will go to Ulta, as I have a coupon and like to save money by buying things I don't really need.

Oh, and one last thing. You know my neighbors who suck at driving? Well the youngest driver is now missing half his bumper because he hit a giant raccoon. Just thought I'd share.

* (which is decidedly un-mysterious and -film noir)
** Heehee! Scaring former roommate = fun for all.
*** Um, except for when I'm reflecting on those who have lost their lives in war. Seriously. Thanks.

PMS

Please don't even look at me, because if you do it is very possible that I will burst out into tears, drop to the floor, assume the fetal position, and start rocking. But that will be after I bite your head off and throw it to the wolves because you did not approach me slowly and with chocolate. I'm not even being a little bit nice to my students. Today one of them asked me for the millionth time about these prize chips I didn't give out yesterday because we were busy, and I sweetly and nurturingly replied, "YES! YES! YES! YES!! I WILL GIVE YOU THE CHIPS!! AND IF YOU ASK ME AGAIN, I WILL SAY YES THEN TOO! AND IF YOU ASK ME ANOTHER TIME??? GUESS!! JUST GUESS WHAT I'LL SAY!!!" And when he guessed the correct answer of "Yes?" I positively reenforced his participation with an enthusiastic "DING! DING! DING! DIINNGG!!!

June? June, are you there? Or even just Next Week? I'll take you too, Next Week...

Instead of trying to hang out with me, why don't you look at some of the Amazing Circles that I make on Photoshop when I'm trying to take my mind off my job/the $151.55 left in my bank account/the piles and piles of dirty laundry on my floor.

This is my Backyard Edition:











And let's not forget fun with drug-referenced macro photography although I am not on drugs*:



* I wish I was.

Fortune Cookie

I opened a fortune cookie tonight that had THREE fortunes in it! Apparently, I am very expressive and positive in word, act and feeling, yet I have a quiet and unobtrusive nature. And also? My wife and I will be happy in our life together.

It is 11:15 on a Saturday night and I am blogging about a fortune cookie. Yes, I am bored.

Karma

Yesterday the aide across the hallway was motioning to me, and I had no idea what the motion was for, and so I speedily walked across my classroom and swung open the door... right into one of my students' heads!!! Turns out she was motioning to tell me there was a student lurking on the other side of the door. I did feel really bad, but I'd be lying if I told you it didn't feel kinda good. And then I thought ohmygodwhatiswrongwithme that I just enjoyed dooring a small child in the head??? And then 60 minutes later he screamed in my face "SHUT UP I HATE YOU!!!" because I asked him to put his pencil down.

And not to get all My Name is Earl on you, but I swear that Karma got me back for my innappropriate feelings last night when I was attacked by a window at my friend's house, and she laughed at me. And just in case that wasn't enough, Karma defiantly left a nasty triangle-shaped hicky on my arm.

A Whinge* in a Picture

You all know how The Neighbors are incompetant drivers, and also how my car (Gigi) is cursed. But now summer is coming, and it seems The Neighbors have celebrated by purchasing a boat. I would be happy for them, if said boat was parked in a marina, and not in their driveway. However, due to aforementioned previous** Issues, I have become raging mad. Please see below.



* Although the English language belongs to no one in particular, I feel as if I am stealing this word from Whinger. Please excuse my failure to outgrow the 7th Grade Cleptomania Phase.
** I know this phrase sounds redundant, but I mean The Issues That Happened Before, Which I Just Mentioned. So it's not redundant, okay?

Good Things

I can hear the rain pounding the pollen and bird shit off my car, and that makes me happy. I won't be happy tomorrow when the air is moist and my hair sticks out, but still. My car will be clean. The outside, anyway.

Plus tomorrow is Friday.

Plus I signed my lease today.

Plus my future landlord wants to find a man to set me up with because she's cool like that.

Plus I had a Wawa* turkey sandwich on wheat bread for dinner tonight, and I have missed Wawa.

Plus I am going to ignore the fact that I just saw the Mother's Day project I am doing with my students on a JC Penny's commercial, and hope that their moms don't think that's where I got the idea. I stole the idea from a teaching magazine, thankyouverymuch, and I added my own little touch, and it will be way cuter than the one on TV, damn it!

Plus Christine got a job.

Plus Anika and I are getting married <3

* Wawa is a kick-ass convenience store in the Pennsylvania/southern New Jersey area that makes the best sandwiches and hoagies** ever.
** Subs, grinders, heroes, poorboys, whatever.

*****

I like American Idol and all, I guess*, but am I the only one who finds it totally wrong for a website to be advertising QUEEN, one of the most influential bands ever**, by using AI?? See for yourself.

* CHRIS WAS ROBBED!!
** Um, I don't know according to whom, but I'm sure there are lots of people who think so. I'm really not good at categorizing bands and music, so there may be some more appropriate phrase to use here.

Apartment Update

Okay, the lease signing was pushed back one day (until tomorrow), and there is some related news that is good/bad (gad? bood?). The landlady has told me that although she originally said they'd be moving out during June and I'd get the place on July 1, they are now leaning toward August 1 because they don't think they'll be able to renovate and be moved into their new house by July. This is bad because I was getting really excited about moving, and it was just a couple weeks after school is out for the year, and I'd have the whooole summer to get used to living alone and fix up my place, and oh yeah, write my capstone without any distractions. But this is also good because August 1 was what I wanted in the first place since I don't get paid in the summer. This means I only have to pay for one month of rent and bills while not receiving paychecks instead of two. And it also means I won't be moving 3 days after my grandmother, which means I will have their undevided moving-help. And plus, by then, I think my brother will be back from his training in Nevada, so I can make him help too. So emotionally? This is kind of a bummer. But logically and financially it makes way more sense. So... yay!

How many calories does a sneeze burn off?

5 weeks on The Diet have passed, and this morning has found me 8.6 lbs. lighter than I was on April 3. While I would have liked to lose more (I know, I know, it's only healthy to lose up to 2 pounds per week... healthy shmealthy, blahblahblah.), and I probably could have lost more had I actually followed Diet to the letter, I'm pretty satisfied with what I have done. During these weeks, I have celebrated my birthday, I have eaten some extra buttery popcorn, I have gotten a blueberry muffin and a medium coffee with cream and sugar from Dunkin' Donuts, I have pigged out on candy from my students' prize box, and I have participated in a picnic and a barbecue, including alcohol, without monitoring my Good Carb intake.

I do get frustrated when I step obsessively on the scale each morning, and the numbers have gone up .000654 of a pound from the day before. But it also makes me think about what I ate to make me gain that smidgen, and what I can leave out to make me lose it again. I take the stairs more at work. I think more about going to the gym.

The point is, I haven't been altogether miserable during these last 5 weeks, and I think that's because I've finally realized the power of balance. Sure, I'd prefer to tip the scales in the direction of decadence and indulgence when it comes to food, but that would also tip the bathroom scale in the direction of approximately 1 ton, and I'd prefer to not go that way. Was I totally bummed last night when everyone else munched on the pre-dinner corn chips and dip sampler, and I sat there sipping my tortilla soup, sans the tortilla strips? Sure. But I was also happy to get on the scale this morning and see the progress I have made.

My mini-goal is to lose about 20 pounds. 20 pounds ago, I wasn't thin, and I wasn't at my goal weight, but I still felt pretty healthy and good about myself. For now, that is what I'm striving for. And hey-- I am almost halfway to my goal! Once I hit that 20? Well, anything after that will just be hummus on the raw veggies.



Yes friends, I really am this corny.

Floored

I should have known the night was going to go awry when I bit into the piece of raw chicken. Yeah, I know, ew. But I handled it well, and had it sent back, and all was right in the world as I noshed on buffalo chicken dip and some of Kelly's fries. I mean, if someone is going to get raw chicken on her plate, it might as well be me, as I am not prone to freakouts over such things, won't break into hysterics, won't start screaming at the waitress, and won't obsess that I will be spending the rest of my weekend hugging the toilet with Salmonella-laced bile streaming out of my mouth.

Except I did start to question the whole Salmonella thing as I stood talking to friends about 2 hours after eating, and became terribly dizzy. At first, I didn't want anyone to notice, so I just moved over to where I could lean on the wall. But then it started getting worse. Erin asked me if I was okay, and I vaguely remember Kelly asking me the same thing. From there, it is all pretty much a blur, but what I can put together based on the stories of EveryOtherPersonInvolved is that Kelly asked me if I wanted to go sit in the car (which I did, because I thought that at any moment the "food poisoning" would hit me full force), handed her keys off to Erin, and told Erin to walk me through the parking lot as she told Steve (her fiance) what was going on. Seconds later, Erin, who is a wee bitty little thing, told Nikki to go get Kelly because she didn't think she could hold me up, based on the swerving and general inability to gain any balance whatsoever, as my brain was doing somersaults. As soon as Nikki went to get Kelly, I pretty much just went down, landing right on my ass, which thank god is plenty padded.

When I opened my eyes, all I saw were hundreds upon thousands upon millions of Feet, and the bar manager right in my face, asking my friends how much I had had to drink. Kelly came to the rescue with "Um, she had three dietCokes. And she ate some raw chicken-- HERE-- TONIGHT." The woman asked me if she should call 911, and all I could think was oh my god they aren't going to believe that I really had nothing to drink and they are going to think I have alcohol poisoning and they are going to pump my stomach!!! And so I told her no thank you. (When I told my version of the story, Kelly assured me she would not have let them get to that point. Girl got my back yo!)

When I felt ready, Steve helped me up, and 4 pairs of the Millions of Feet walked me over to a bench, where color slowly filled up my face again, I drank a glass of ice water, began to feel totally fine, and everyone started sharing their impressions of what had just gone down.

Funniest version of My Fainting Story: When they asked me what I had had to drink, and all I was doing was moving my mouth mumbling something about dietCoke, Nikki thought I said, "I have diabetes." She immediately ran to her boyfriend and said, "She has diabetes! She needs sugar!! Or does she have too much sugar? I DON'T KNOW WHICH ONE!!!"

Erin said that my first comment upon being able to get out a full sentence was, "I wish I really was drunk so I wouldn't be so embarassed." But looking back, I think it was better this way.

Happy Bloggerversary to me!

Yesterday (May 1) was my 1 year Bloggerversary. I originally figured that after a month or so I'd get sick of writing and my blog would get lost in cyberspace somwhere, much like all of my half- and quarter-filled journals since age 11 have ended up at the bottom of my junk drawer. ("Dear Diary, My mom and dad suck! They won't let me sleep over Kelly's until I clean my room! That is so totally unfair! P.S. Dave is soooooooooooooooooooooo cute!!!!")

I think the fact that there has been a lot to talk about is the reason I keep writing. These early 20's have have been difficult, and writing about them this past year has helped me sort through things. Sure, I still look back at entries and get embarassed about the things that actually mattered to me a few months ago, when in the scheme of things, they were so unimportant. In a real journal, I'd rip out the page. I suppose I could delete the entries, but now I'd rather just read it again, and learn from it.

This year has been a busy one for me. In the past 12 months, I was a long term sub, I nannied, I was haunted, I became cool, I got a teaching job and thought THIS was bad, I found out there were much worse things to come, I found a wonderful surprise, I proved that my car is cursed, I had bad sex, I was bitten, I grossed everyone out, and I wrote a poem on my 25th birthday.

Next year, I will be able to begin my Year 2 Summary with "I moved out of my house." I hope that is just the first of many adventures I will have to share with you all.