An Affair to Remember?
As mentioned by Whinger, the quest for a hairdresser who truly GETS you and your hair is a difficult task. I have found the same to be true for nail technicians.
Now, let me start off by saying, I used to be less girly. I think it was when I weighed lots more and I hated the way I looked, and I thought, why should I bother? Why get my hair dyed? It won't hide my back fat. And plus, roots look ugly. Why get my nails done? They look stupid and fake and are a waste of money, and they still won't make me look any thinner.*
As it turns out, losing weight, despite the fact that I never reached my goal weight (not yet, anyway) has made me the vainest (is that even a word? most vain? whatever.) person alive. And aside from vanity, I just love taking time for myself and being pampered. This now takes the form of both getting my hair dyed AND getting my nails "done." As in acrylic. As in every two weeks I have to wake up by 9am on Saturday so that I can get to the nail place by 9:55 so that I can sit outside in my car and wait for the OPEN sign to be turned on so that I can be the first customer in the chair of Sunny, the Asian God of Pink and White**.
The entire process of Pink and White, even this early in the morning, when I don't have to wait and when Sunny hasn't been doing nails all day, therefore not yet tired, takes about an hour and a half in which I am being pampered and daydreaming and listening to other women's gossipy conversations. Except. Okay, well here's the thing. I love Sunny. I really do. But like, you know how when you are in a relationship, and the relationship is awesome, and your significant other is really attentive and sweet and caring and thoughtful and you love him lots and Everything Is Perfect, except
He sucks in bed.
And that little bit is enough to almost not make it worth it.
It's like this.
Sunny is meticulous. He spends an entire hour on nail foreplay. He gingerly takes off the old polish, files down the surface of my nails, drills out the old white to replace it with the new white, fills in the canyon between grown-out acrylic and abused cuticle, files it all down again, and shapes the tips to make them the short length with rounded corners that I prefer (he really is so sensitive to my needs). He files them again with one of those buffer blocks, and I find myself being quite amused by the fact that he buffs each nail in the same rhythm of quickquickquick! stop. quickquick! stop. quickquickquickquick! I like to imagine he is singing the chorus to a song over and over in his head for each nail. Then he oils them up, and then he buffs them again with one of those silky buffers to make them super shiny. All of this leading up to the climax of any manicure:
The hand massage.
But well. While I'm getting my own nails done, I am also watching nail porn-- which is essentially seeing other hand massages taking place. The women who give the massages just know what to do. They use strong, slow massaging motions, gently rub down each finger, make sure to get the palm as well as the top of the hand. I can almost feel it in my own hands, and I anticipate it all through the foreplay. And then Sunny starts my hand massage, and truth be told...
It sucks.
He uses quick, wimpy motions. He does this weird popping thing to my fingers. He doesn't get every part of my hand. I just sit there waiting for it to be over so he can paint them and I can go sit with my nails under the dryer. The whole thing is very half-assed, and even the warm towel isn't all that satisfying. I get annoyed because there is no way to Fake It.
And so this begs the question: Is it worth it? Is someone who can make your nails look like this:
worth the disappointing anticlimax? Or should I realize the fact that women really are the only ones who actually know what other women want, and trade in my days of heterosexual nail connections for some girl-on-girl action?
I mean, he does make sure to pick all of the stray pieces of dried acrylic off my fingers, and he carries my coat and purse to themost boring part of my day nail dryer chair so I don't mess up my paint job... See what I mean? He's just so damn thoughtful***.
But man, what I wouldn't do for a nice, relaxing, un-having-to-reciprocate moment of bliss every now and then...
* My own self esteem issues, to which I hope no one takes offense nor takes seriously.
** If you don't know, Pink and White is a technique in which pink and white acrylics are used to mimic the look of a French manicure. Instead of the white being painted on top, it is worked into the nail.
***Plus, he doesn't want to fix the nick that I will inevitably get if I don't keep my hands far out in front of me for the next three hours, no matter how dry I think my nails are.
Now, let me start off by saying, I used to be less girly. I think it was when I weighed lots more and I hated the way I looked, and I thought, why should I bother? Why get my hair dyed? It won't hide my back fat. And plus, roots look ugly. Why get my nails done? They look stupid and fake and are a waste of money, and they still won't make me look any thinner.*
As it turns out, losing weight, despite the fact that I never reached my goal weight (not yet, anyway) has made me the vainest (is that even a word? most vain? whatever.) person alive. And aside from vanity, I just love taking time for myself and being pampered. This now takes the form of both getting my hair dyed AND getting my nails "done." As in acrylic. As in every two weeks I have to wake up by 9am on Saturday so that I can get to the nail place by 9:55 so that I can sit outside in my car and wait for the OPEN sign to be turned on so that I can be the first customer in the chair of Sunny, the Asian God of Pink and White**.
The entire process of Pink and White, even this early in the morning, when I don't have to wait and when Sunny hasn't been doing nails all day, therefore not yet tired, takes about an hour and a half in which I am being pampered and daydreaming and listening to other women's gossipy conversations. Except. Okay, well here's the thing. I love Sunny. I really do. But like, you know how when you are in a relationship, and the relationship is awesome, and your significant other is really attentive and sweet and caring and thoughtful and you love him lots and Everything Is Perfect, except
He sucks in bed.
And that little bit is enough to almost not make it worth it.
It's like this.
Sunny is meticulous. He spends an entire hour on nail foreplay. He gingerly takes off the old polish, files down the surface of my nails, drills out the old white to replace it with the new white, fills in the canyon between grown-out acrylic and abused cuticle, files it all down again, and shapes the tips to make them the short length with rounded corners that I prefer (he really is so sensitive to my needs). He files them again with one of those buffer blocks, and I find myself being quite amused by the fact that he buffs each nail in the same rhythm of quickquickquick! stop. quickquick! stop. quickquickquickquick! I like to imagine he is singing the chorus to a song over and over in his head for each nail. Then he oils them up, and then he buffs them again with one of those silky buffers to make them super shiny. All of this leading up to the climax of any manicure:
The hand massage.
But well. While I'm getting my own nails done, I am also watching nail porn-- which is essentially seeing other hand massages taking place. The women who give the massages just know what to do. They use strong, slow massaging motions, gently rub down each finger, make sure to get the palm as well as the top of the hand. I can almost feel it in my own hands, and I anticipate it all through the foreplay. And then Sunny starts my hand massage, and truth be told...
It sucks.
He uses quick, wimpy motions. He does this weird popping thing to my fingers. He doesn't get every part of my hand. I just sit there waiting for it to be over so he can paint them and I can go sit with my nails under the dryer. The whole thing is very half-assed, and even the warm towel isn't all that satisfying. I get annoyed because there is no way to Fake It.
And so this begs the question: Is it worth it? Is someone who can make your nails look like this:
worth the disappointing anticlimax? Or should I realize the fact that women really are the only ones who actually know what other women want, and trade in my days of heterosexual nail connections for some girl-on-girl action?
I mean, he does make sure to pick all of the stray pieces of dried acrylic off my fingers, and he carries my coat and purse to the
But man, what I wouldn't do for a nice, relaxing, un-having-to-reciprocate moment of bliss every now and then...
* My own self esteem issues, to which I hope no one takes offense nor takes seriously.
** If you don't know, Pink and White is a technique in which pink and white acrylics are used to mimic the look of a French manicure. Instead of the white being painted on top, it is worked into the nail.
***Plus, he doesn't want to fix the nick that I will inevitably get if I don't keep my hands far out in front of me for the next three hours, no matter how dry I think my nails are.
posted by Jess at 12:45 PM
3 Comments:
Oh my God, those nails are totally worth it.
Would it be worth an attempt to talk Sunny through it? Sometimes they just need a little direction....
Why don't you go to Jurlique or Aveda and get a hand massage every so often?
The following would have been the comment to the previous post, but the damn verification word "smenita" would not allow me to post, but I thought that it would be worthy enough to post it here, instead.
Ok, an "upside down" caramel macchiato means that the shots of espresso are put on the bottom, milk on top, like a latte. Normally caramel macchiatos are made by pouring the shots through the foam and milk, thus "marking" the foam, which is where the "macchiato" comes from. Even though the difference is small, the taste "profile" is different for both drinks.
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