An update AND some pictures

A full week after the fact, I am not so, so clear on the details of the settlement anymore, as most of my brain has been filled up with paint colors and To-Do lists. Honestly, I wrote this entry already, and blogger was a bitch and didn't let me save it and now I don't feel like doing it again. So the abridged version:

Settlement was scheduled for Thursday at 10a.m., and on Wednesday at 5p.m., some guy from Newtown* called our realtor to tell her we couldn't settle because a year and a half ago, Seller replaced the heater without a permit and by an out-of-state worker. Our mortgage company wouldn't accept the temporary C.O., and the paperwork for our permanent C.O. was sitting on a desk somewhere with a big ol' "Rejected" stamp on it.

While she was driving to her office to meet us (we decided to keep our 8:30am walk-through anyway), OurRealtor called Alex to make sure he was still coming. The phone call went something like this: "Hi Alex, just wanted to make sure you-- Oh my god my car is on fire! Smoke is billowing from the hood! Other motorists are pointing at me!!!" Since Alex works in the car business, he told OR what to do, and we kept our plans to meet her at her office, because part of his advice involved demanding that her dealership come pick up her car and leave her a loaner.

So we get to her office and wait around for the loaner. It gets there, we get in, and we hear, "RRRRRRPPPPPP!" as Alex's pants rip right down the back. He offers to run into the Target nextdoor, but OR refuses to "let him walk around like that," and drives us back to his house.

And so this is how the day went. I was pretty sure that the Rejection and the Fire and the Rip were signs that we should not go through with it, but we did, albeit** 7 hours later than scheduled.

I suppose all's well that ends well, assuming this house doesn't turn into the Money Pit and things don't actually end well...

* Heh. Is probably actual town name somewhere...
** Hate this word, but my fingers spewed it out uncontrollably

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Some pictures to illustrate how things are going:


Dead bat in the fireplace
Murry, may you rest in peace


What I found when I ripped up the carpet in one of the bedrooms
Possible murder scene?


*Gag* Nastiness *gag* under the bathm*gag*at
And also, the chipping glaze hidden by said bathmat during walk-through


My tally of switch plates and plugs,
because I'd rather buy new than clean them all

So perhaps I was a little dramatic yesterday...

Everything ended up alright, and my story of the day even involves cars catching on fire and split pants! But I can't tell it now, for I have just spent my first 20 minutes of awakeness reading blogs instead of taking a shower.

I will leave you with an updated haiku, and give you more of the story when I get home.

I'm Bossy

I was with TheBoy
When he signed his life away
To the mortgage peeps,

And now we're owners
Of a split-level abode.
Congratulate us!

House-Buying Haiku, to release my anger

Realtor dropped the ball.
(Not ours.) Settlement postponed.
Fucking cock sucker.

Couldn't Resist

I meme'd myself because I found myself writing so much in response to Metalia's quiz, I figured I might as well just write an entry.

1. Are the children of the world working your last nerve with their devil wheelie shoes?

I suppose it is a little annoying when your path is abruptly cut off by a child gliding around on shoes with wheels, and truth be told, they remind me a little of the Wicked Witch's flying monkeys, erm, except they don't fly... But I find it hard to be angry AND jealous at the same time. *sigh*

2. If you came across this product while food shopping, would you purchase it?
Probably not. Although I am drawn to guacamole-flavored things, I am not so into the spicy. And P.S. I am still mad at Alison for comparing me to Sandra fecking Lee when I made my own guacamole out of an avocado and a blob of salsa. What?? Salsa is made of all the ingredients you'd add to guac! And it's all I had! And, and, I needed to be eating guacamole, damn it!

3. Are you irked by the current trend of referring to all things environmentally friendly as “green” ? (Suck it, “green” toothpicks. You’re not green. Come talk to my chartreuse Pringles! Which are weirdly delicious, by the way.)

This is going to make people hate me, but I am irked by anything environmentally sound. In fact, if I can find a way to pollute the earth, chances are, I will take advantage of it. For example, I buy disposable coffee cups so I don't have to wash an insulated mug everyday. Refill a Brita pitcher full of water all the time? Yeah right, my fridge is full of bottled water. And also about 10 non-biodegradable Styrofoam leftover containers.

4. After noting that your total purchase exceeded $500, would you still return your shopping cart to the locking chain thing to retrieve your goddamn quarter? (In case you’re unfamiliar, some stores require you to put a quarter into the cart to “unlock” it from the other carts to which it’s chained.)

Yes, but not because of the quarter. For some reason, as lazy as I noted above, I am a stickler about returning the cart to the designated area. We don't have the chain things, but I always feel a twinge of guilt if my cart disengages from the other carts, sending it off across the parking lot, and into someones bumper. I'm thoughtful like that...

5. Let's say you saw Days of Thunder by the register on the “$9.99 or less!” DVD rack, enticing you with its nostalgic packaging, and your own cherished memories of Tom Cruise (a.k.a. one Mr. Cole Trickle) uttering such gems as, “Speed…To be able to control it. To know that I can control something that's out of control." Would you strongly consider buying it, rather than walking on by like a normal person? (Note: Logic prevailed, and I refrained, but the question is, would you consider it.)

Make it Risky Business, and you've got yourself a deal.

Everybody grab yer hoe!

That is a lyric from a square dancing song in my students' spring musical. I always reach for the nearest coworker when they get to that part, and it hasn't stopped being funny yet. At least, not for me...

*****

Looks like updates are averaging about once to twice a month, and I have no excuse for that other than settlement is on Thursday and I have been spending most of my time online browsing for outdoor livingrooms and puppies.

*****

I got the summer school job I applied for, and will be teaching "school age students with multiple disabilities." I am actually really excited because for one, I will have a younger (cronologically and mentally) group to whom I get to teach colors and numbers and songs, and for two, some still curse, but it's because they are autistic and not because I just tried to pry a pencil from their hand after an attempted stabbing. Hours are only 8:30 to 12:30 each day, Monday through Thursday, and the hourly rate is way more than I ever got working retail.

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Alex and some people at work each put in $300, and whoever loses the most weight at the end of 5 weeks gets all the money. One one hand, we could buy something really cool for the new house with $1,800. On the other hand, he ate pizza for lunch yesterday while everyone else ate salad.

I have no room to judge, really. I spent almost $200 on Michael Thurmond's 6 Week Total Body Makeover, lost 10 lbs. the first week, and then, true to form, lost the will-power about a week and a half in. 8 of the pounds have come back already.

*****

We drove to "our house" yesterday. Since we don't have the keys yet, we couldn't go inside, but we did walk around the back yard and peek in windows. The place has been vacant for about a month now, and the yard is filled with too-long grass and weeds and dying trees and dog shit. I was prepared for the painting and floor stuff we are going to do inside, but I wasn't really thinking about the back yard because it was in okay enough shape when we saw it last that a good mow and a few flowers would have made it passable. Now, I fear that a major overhaul is due. (P.S. We don't have a lawn mower*.)

* When I was little, I called it a "mow lawner." I still have to consciously think about it each time I try to write or say it.