Fangs

When the whole Harry Potter craze started, I thought it was stupid and resisted reading the books for quite some time. Then my college roomie (hi Meg!) was given the first one for Christmas, and she read it, and she made me read it, and thus began a love affair.

I kind of thought the same thing would happen with the Stefanie Meyer Twilight series. I decided I was not going to read it, but then a coworker left an audio copy of the book in the faculty room with the sign "Anyone care to listen?" and I figured, eh, it's free, I can listen during my commute, TONS OF PEOPLE LOVE THIS BOOK IT CAN'T BE ALL THAT BAD!

People, I freakin hated this book. It is possible that the narrator's annoying voice and the awful way she said the protagonist's name, "Beh-lah," set me up not to like it from the very beginning. Maybe had I actually read it instead of listening to it, I would have liked it better. But honestly, I couldn't stand Bella as a character, and I spent the entire book thinking, "Jesus Christ just BITE HER ALREADY!!!!!"

I thought the book was corny and poorly written. I am actually a little upset that my mom just read it and then rushed out to get the next book in the series! Having no one to make fun of this book with bums me out big time.

The life

While you were busy cleaning up our poop, JESSICA, we dogs were having the BEST YEAR EVER!!!

New Year's Resolution: Pick Up Dog Shit

I have been a dog owner for a year and a half now. I have been a two-dog owner for the last 11 weeks.

I have never picked up dog poop in my own yard.

Stop! Now before you go getting all judgy judgy on me, I'd like to point out that during the time when we only had Coconut, there were only very small turds scattered around the yard, and most of them were sucked up by the lawn mower, and I don't think that anyone other than me has ever stepped in a pile while back there.

If you're still in the mood to judge, judge this: I bought this contraption

this morning, and then spent an hour walking the yard like a grid and scooping up every last solitary frozen piece of dog shit. I even scraped up the smashed-in ones!

I filled two entire large plastic grocery bags, and honestly, I was surprised by the weight of them! I had to fight the urge to bring the bags into my house and put them on the scale!

Which, oddly, brings me to this:

Alex's worst insults for people always tend to have "bag" tagged onto the end. Dickbag, Assbag, the ever popular Douchebag... you get the point. I asked him about this once, and he said that calling someone a bag of something is even harsher than calling them just that one undesirable thing.

I never really thought about it again until today. A shitbag is WAY worse than one single shit.