Urinetown
Hey! What did you do when you got home from work today? Wanna know what I did? Okay, I'll tell you!
I chased my dog around with an empty margarine container in an attempt to collect a urine sample.
Oh, we are so glamorous here at the Frizz Household!
The venture was successful, but I can't help looking at the container (which, incidentally, I wiped down with a Clorox Wipe, wrapped in masking tape, and sealed in a gallon baggie, lest it want to pop open during the ride to the vet), thinking, I Can't Believe It's Not Butter! Heh! It's NOT butter!! Bwahahahahaa!! Oh, I crack myself up, I do.
*****
A few weeks after I moved here, I received a traffic ticket for going straight in a turn-only lane. In my defense, when I got into the turn-only lane, the sign was blocked by a tree, and by the time it became visible to me, no one would let me over into the straight lane. But blah-blah-blah, jerky cop gave me a ticket. When I received the notice for the court date in the mail, it turned out to be for 1 in the afternoon, October 31.
Then, to make a boring story longer and more boring, I kept forgetting to call to reschedule, until today. The lady asked me why I wanted to reschedule, which I was expecting, and I was all, "uh, well, it's Halloween and my students have a Halloween parade." To which she replied, "If I can't go to a Halloween party, neither can you!" So then I got even more nervous, and came back with a, "Well, I don't want to go to the parade, exactly, it's just that it is a school day and um, well my principal won't be very happy with me."
She asked me a couple questions, like where I taught and if they really have a Halloween parade, and I assured her that I teach behaviorally disabled students who are hyper on a regular day, and that it would be just plain cruel to leave a sub with them on a day when they are especially packed with sugar and stimuli.
Soooo... woot! She changed my court date, and was even nice enough to give me an evening appointment that isn't until January!! Woohoo! Christmas gifts for all!
*****
ChowDownKid has taken notice of the Lean Cuisines I carry with me down to the lunchroom almost every day. A couple days ago, he tried to insult me by whining, "You eat frozen food from a box!" To which I replied, "Yup. I do." CDK: "Yeah! They're frozen! From a box!" Me: "Yeah. I like them."
He seemed defeated at the time, because his insult didn't take, but now every once in awhile he'll summon me, "Yo! Frozen Food!"
I guess when the alternative is Tyrannical Bitch, Frozen Food isn't such a bad nick name.
*****
Now, it's time to leave for the vet, urine sample and all.
I chased my dog around with an empty margarine container in an attempt to collect a urine sample.
Oh, we are so glamorous here at the Frizz Household!
The venture was successful, but I can't help looking at the container (which, incidentally, I wiped down with a Clorox Wipe, wrapped in masking tape, and sealed in a gallon baggie, lest it want to pop open during the ride to the vet), thinking, I Can't Believe It's Not Butter! Heh! It's NOT butter!! Bwahahahahaa!! Oh, I crack myself up, I do.
*****
A few weeks after I moved here, I received a traffic ticket for going straight in a turn-only lane. In my defense, when I got into the turn-only lane, the sign was blocked by a tree, and by the time it became visible to me, no one would let me over into the straight lane. But blah-blah-blah, jerky cop gave me a ticket. When I received the notice for the court date in the mail, it turned out to be for 1 in the afternoon, October 31.
Then, to make a boring story longer and more boring, I kept forgetting to call to reschedule, until today. The lady asked me why I wanted to reschedule, which I was expecting, and I was all, "uh, well, it's Halloween and my students have a Halloween parade." To which she replied, "If I can't go to a Halloween party, neither can you!" So then I got even more nervous, and came back with a, "Well, I don't want to go to the parade, exactly, it's just that it is a school day and um, well my principal won't be very happy with me."
She asked me a couple questions, like where I taught and if they really have a Halloween parade, and I assured her that I teach behaviorally disabled students who are hyper on a regular day, and that it would be just plain cruel to leave a sub with them on a day when they are especially packed with sugar and stimuli.
Soooo... woot! She changed my court date, and was even nice enough to give me an evening appointment that isn't until January!! Woohoo! Christmas gifts for all!
*****
ChowDownKid has taken notice of the Lean Cuisines I carry with me down to the lunchroom almost every day. A couple days ago, he tried to insult me by whining, "You eat frozen food from a box!" To which I replied, "Yup. I do." CDK: "Yeah! They're frozen! From a box!" Me: "Yeah. I like them."
He seemed defeated at the time, because his insult didn't take, but now every once in awhile he'll summon me, "Yo! Frozen Food!"
I guess when the alternative is Tyrannical Bitch, Frozen Food isn't such a bad nick name.
*****
Now, it's time to leave for the vet, urine sample and all.
posted by Jess at 3:03 PM
2 Comments:
I Can't Believe it's Not Butter... Heehee!! oh wow, that's the best dog pee thing i've heard in a while. :) Collecting anything from your dog's back end is never fun - Never.
Good luck with that. :)
in the words of my 2 yr old nephew, "You a funny guy!"
you crack me up. i love the it's-not-butter and the longer-and-boringer business.
Post a Comment
<< Home