Observations from the Jersey Shore
Ahhh... the beach. I so thought this summer was going to take me there more, with WEEKENDS OFF!! and EVERY-OTHER MONDAY OFF!! and the other perks of a non-retail job. But alas, this is actually my first beach weekend.
Anyway, despite the fact that I was there alone and did not have a jammin' good time (relaxing, yes... wild and crazy? not so much), I do have a few beach-related things to blog about.
For example:
Banana Hammocks
Why? Why the banana hammock? I just don't get it. It's not like people don't make fun of the BH on TV shows, in books, in person. I just don't get why men feel the need to wear such teeny drawers. Especially men with lots of body hair. And really especially men with nothing to show off. Don't they know that the world is laughing at them?
You've Got the WHOLE Beach!
Why do you feel the need to sit right on top of me? There I sit, just chillin' with my chair and my iPod, reading a book, enjoying the sea breeze. Why do you need to place your chair (no make that 5 chairs, 2 umbrellas, 3 buckets o' toys, 2 coolers full of the lunch that your 3 kids are going to feed to the seagulls, therefore causing them to swoop around me, and I HATE BIRDS, as well as run right by me and kick sand on my freshly sunscreened legs) right in front of me? YOU RUINED MY PEACE AND BLOCKED MY BREEZE!!!!
The Cigar Smoker
Pretty much self-explanatory... It's disgusting. The fact that you are outside does not prevent your nasty cloud from blowing my way.
Dressed Up with Nowhere to Go
Full jewelry and makeup to the beach? A Coach wristlet? Why?
Various Others:
Anyway, despite the fact that I was there alone and did not have a jammin' good time (relaxing, yes... wild and crazy? not so much), I do have a few beach-related things to blog about.
For example:
Banana Hammocks
Why? Why the banana hammock? I just don't get it. It's not like people don't make fun of the BH on TV shows, in books, in person. I just don't get why men feel the need to wear such teeny drawers. Especially men with lots of body hair. And really especially men with nothing to show off. Don't they know that the world is laughing at them?
You've Got the WHOLE Beach!
Why do you feel the need to sit right on top of me? There I sit, just chillin' with my chair and my iPod, reading a book, enjoying the sea breeze. Why do you need to place your chair (no make that 5 chairs, 2 umbrellas, 3 buckets o' toys, 2 coolers full of the lunch that your 3 kids are going to feed to the seagulls, therefore causing them to swoop around me, and I HATE BIRDS, as well as run right by me and kick sand on my freshly sunscreened legs) right in front of me? YOU RUINED MY PEACE AND BLOCKED MY BREEZE!!!!
The Cigar Smoker
Pretty much self-explanatory... It's disgusting. The fact that you are outside does not prevent your nasty cloud from blowing my way.
Dressed Up with Nowhere to Go
Full jewelry and makeup to the beach? A Coach wristlet? Why?
Various Others:
- The lady who yells everything she says so that the whole beach can hear her
- The ice cream guy who practically runs down the beach like he doesn't want a pesky customer to catch him and *gasp!* buy ice cream
- The women who are actually displaying bravery by wearing bikinis
But at least I got a nice tan!
posted by Jess at 9:13 PM
2 Comments:
There's something about those banana hammocks, hey? They make (most) women run the other way, dry heaving like there's no tomorrow. What do men see in them? Is it about maximum tanning coverage? Showing off the package? It's a big fat mystery ...
i will not go near the BH issue. just thinking about it makes my ears itch. blech.
buffer zones: very important to bring along extra blankets, etc. to secure a perimeter. (blaring loud annoying music sometimes helps as well).
smokers: pretty much a lost cause. i think they should have to wear a plastic bag over their head during (and five minutes post) the smoke. that'd learn 'em.
ice cream vendor: i must confess that i wouldn't seek out customers. if i had to stand there all day while the little rug-rats got to play in the water, i'd be hoarding the ice cream for myself!
good work on the tan. i'm sure it was worth it!
Post a Comment
<< Home