Highway to Hell (a.k.a. Pennsylvania)
Yeah, so it turns out when you give guys your blog address, you can't blog about the dates you go on with them... so you are reduced to kinda having nothing to talk about. Though, I will blog about a topic that came up on that date-- one of which I didn't feel that I cleverly expressed my point of view, but which I have had time to think on. So despite the argument he gave me of the contrary, I would like to register an official complaint against:
Shitty Pennsylvania Drivers/Shitty Pennsylvania Traffic Patterns (created by shitty engineers)
It is a well known fact that other states poke fun at New Jersey for our use of U-turns. "What, can't you people make left-hand turns?" (Words that may or may not have been uttered during aforementioned date.) Well, guess what? We can, but we are much too smart for that.
Picture the following scenario:
Cute curly-haired nanny is driving down the road, kind of late for work, and so drives speedily in the left-hand passing lane through the New Jersey portion of her commute. Smooth sailing!! She gets over the bridge, decides to continue to pass all of the slow drivers, who know to stay over because Look out! She's comin' through! (And because New Jersey rules of driving etiquette state that slow drivers must stay in the right lane, so that speedier drivers may pass them, on the left.) So here we are, driving, driving, driving, and suddenly ACK!! What is this? A long-ass line of people just stopped in the left lane while people whiz by her on the right-hand side?!? And then she sees it: A left-hand turn light. The lane which she has so faithfully driven in all her life (okay, well for the past 7.5 years) to pass all of the slow drivers has suddenly, without warning, converted into a turning lane.
Now, in good ol' Jerz, left-hand turns do exist on some highways. However, the highways were planned smartly enough that there is a turning lane that separates itself from the left lane, thereby allowing those who want to turn left to merge over into the specially designated offshoot of the left lane, while also allowing those who want to keep speeding to do so. Much more efficient. Oh, and guess what? Those U-turns? Not just for turning "left!" They actually are multi-functional, serving as a means by which to TURN AROUND. Because in PA? You can't turn around. You just have to keep driving and driving until FINALLY you either come to a light where you can drive into a gas station on the corner and come out the other side so you're facing the opposite direction and can turn at the light, or you can make a death-defying turn around the median while threatened by oncoming traffic. It is all very dangerous, and it does not surprise me that I see an accident or two every day while driving to or from work.
And you know what else? This explains why when PA drivers are traveling down the streets in New Jersey, they hog up the left lane driving all slow, thereby damaging our traffic pattern and causing others to break the law by passing them on the right.
Because Pennsylvanians are freakin' crazy and should not be given licenses or engineering degrees.
Shitty Pennsylvania Drivers/Shitty Pennsylvania Traffic Patterns (created by shitty engineers)
It is a well known fact that other states poke fun at New Jersey for our use of U-turns. "What, can't you people make left-hand turns?" (Words that may or may not have been uttered during aforementioned date.) Well, guess what? We can, but we are much too smart for that.
Picture the following scenario:
Cute curly-haired nanny is driving down the road, kind of late for work, and so drives speedily in the left-hand passing lane through the New Jersey portion of her commute. Smooth sailing!! She gets over the bridge, decides to continue to pass all of the slow drivers, who know to stay over because Look out! She's comin' through! (And because New Jersey rules of driving etiquette state that slow drivers must stay in the right lane, so that speedier drivers may pass them, on the left.) So here we are, driving, driving, driving, and suddenly ACK!! What is this? A long-ass line of people just stopped in the left lane while people whiz by her on the right-hand side?!? And then she sees it: A left-hand turn light. The lane which she has so faithfully driven in all her life (okay, well for the past 7.5 years) to pass all of the slow drivers has suddenly, without warning, converted into a turning lane.
Now, in good ol' Jerz, left-hand turns do exist on some highways. However, the highways were planned smartly enough that there is a turning lane that separates itself from the left lane, thereby allowing those who want to turn left to merge over into the specially designated offshoot of the left lane, while also allowing those who want to keep speeding to do so. Much more efficient. Oh, and guess what? Those U-turns? Not just for turning "left!" They actually are multi-functional, serving as a means by which to TURN AROUND. Because in PA? You can't turn around. You just have to keep driving and driving until FINALLY you either come to a light where you can drive into a gas station on the corner and come out the other side so you're facing the opposite direction and can turn at the light, or you can make a death-defying turn around the median while threatened by oncoming traffic. It is all very dangerous, and it does not surprise me that I see an accident or two every day while driving to or from work.
And you know what else? This explains why when PA drivers are traveling down the streets in New Jersey, they hog up the left lane driving all slow, thereby damaging our traffic pattern and causing others to break the law by passing them on the right.
Because Pennsylvanians are freakin' crazy and should not be given licenses or engineering degrees.
posted by Jess at 10:39 AM
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