Smokin'

I made meatballs on Wednesday night. They came out sucktacular, with a side order of Grease All Over My Oven. I blame this on Alton Brown, for telling me exactly how much each meatball should weigh, and then telling me to bake them in mini muffin tins so they will brown on all sides and the fat will drip into the bottoms of the muffin cups, but then not mentioning that the diameter of the meatball is actually more important, because if the meatball does not suspend itself atop the rim of the cup, but rather just sits inside the cup, there will be an overflow of fat drippings and they will have nowhere to go but up onto the top of the tin and over the sides (because a muffin tin does not have a rim, as a cookie sheet does), setting off your smoke alarm and scaring your dog.

Alton also failed to mention that should you have an inch-thick layer of grease on the bottom of your oven, running the Self Clean feature is probably not the best idea, for the grease shall smoke to such a degree that your entire house fills with smoke and your eyes water and for the love of god you will not be able to breathe!!! You will end up having to open up every window and door to let in some fresh air, run every fan and vent in the house (and this will make it very hard to hear the TV) and despite the unseasonably warm weather, you will be freezing.