Something Fishy
The other day* I was sitting at a sushi bar watching my lunch being cooked (oops!) prepared, and some old guy was there by himself ordering things as he ate. "I'll have some of the salmon..." "Can I get another spicy tuna roll?" And then he looked at me and said, "Do you want to be a sushi chef?" To which I responded, "Um, well I--" "WELL YOU CAN'T! They won't let women be sushi chefs! Heh. Heh. Heh." And he smugly took a sip of his tea while I mentally rolled him around some sticky white rice, sprinkled him with caviar, and bit off his head.
* Meaning "the other day" as Meg uses it, which does not actually always mean The Other Day, but could also mean Last Week, A Few Months Ago, or When I Was Three)
*****
I was just talking to a friend who is unsuccessfully trying to find someone to accompany him to see a band that sounds like dying cats, and he said he might not even go because he would have to go alone, and going alone to concerts is weird. I told him that I used to date a guy (months before I began blogging) who went to concerts alone all the time. Then I realized, for the first time, after an entire year of not dating this guy due to the fact that he wouldn't commit to me and, in short, treated me like shit*, that he probably was taking other girls with him! Why didn't I think of this before?
Why do we always ignore the bad qualities of guys we want to be with, and ignore the good qualities of guys who want to be with us?**
I have been asking myself this question over and over, as I seem to have fallen into A Thing with this guy who is as sweet as can be, funny, cute, and smart... He calls when he says he will. He brings me Girl Scout Cookies on dates. And all these things could easily be put on the Pro side of the Pro/Con list I have running in my head, leaving only one Con: Too Attentive/Eager.
When every other relationship I've been in has left me on the side of "What Are We? I Need Answers!" and him on the side of "Relax. Whatever. Let's Fuck," why am I suddenly the relaxed, nonchalant, distant one? Why is it that when I finally find someone who is available to me, I suddenly become unavailable? Am I just making up drama where there is none because the prospect of a guy actually liking me, being available to me, being nice to me, is just way too scary?
And this is the part where you can insert your own witty comment, as I surely have none on the topic.
* Why did I want someone who treated me like shit and didn't want to commit to me? I just don't know.
** I have borroed the entire series of Sex & the City from a friend, as I don't have HBO. Beware of blog entries sounding suspiciously familiar to Carrie's column...
* Meaning "the other day" as Meg uses it, which does not actually always mean The Other Day, but could also mean Last Week, A Few Months Ago, or When I Was Three)
*****
I was just talking to a friend who is unsuccessfully trying to find someone to accompany him to see a band that sounds like dying cats, and he said he might not even go because he would have to go alone, and going alone to concerts is weird. I told him that I used to date a guy (months before I began blogging) who went to concerts alone all the time. Then I realized, for the first time, after an entire year of not dating this guy due to the fact that he wouldn't commit to me and, in short, treated me like shit*, that he probably was taking other girls with him! Why didn't I think of this before?
Why do we always ignore the bad qualities of guys we want to be with, and ignore the good qualities of guys who want to be with us?**
I have been asking myself this question over and over, as I seem to have fallen into A Thing with this guy who is as sweet as can be, funny, cute, and smart... He calls when he says he will. He brings me Girl Scout Cookies on dates. And all these things could easily be put on the Pro side of the Pro/Con list I have running in my head, leaving only one Con: Too Attentive/Eager.
When every other relationship I've been in has left me on the side of "What Are We? I Need Answers!" and him on the side of "Relax. Whatever. Let's Fuck," why am I suddenly the relaxed, nonchalant, distant one? Why is it that when I finally find someone who is available to me, I suddenly become unavailable? Am I just making up drama where there is none because the prospect of a guy actually liking me, being available to me, being nice to me, is just way too scary?
And this is the part where you can insert your own witty comment, as I surely have none on the topic.
* Why did I want someone who treated me like shit and didn't want to commit to me? I just don't know.
** I have borroed the entire series of Sex & the City from a friend, as I don't have HBO. Beware of blog entries sounding suspiciously familiar to Carrie's column...
posted by Jess at 5:30 PM
11 Comments:
It gives you a whole new perspective on movies like "Some Kind of Wonderful" when you realize that the cool one hanging around, adoring the protagonist from afar is the one we ignore in real life.
Hell if I know why women do this. I used to, and then one day, I stopped. I wish I had more insight.
"Why do we always ignore the bad qualities of guys we want to be with, and ignore the good qualities of guys who want to be with us?"
Why? because we're dumb. Story of my life.
We ignore these bad qualities at first because that's just the psychology/biology of dating. You don't notice the bad because of hormones and stuff. But eventually, after the exciting stuff dies down, you see the crap under the surface. You are so not alone here! Don't feel bad.
In fact - why do some of us (me) STAY with guys for YEARS even though we know they're bastards but put up with it anyway? If you can answer that, you deserve a cookie.
btw: you convinced me to go all out and start a blog. commence your stalkiness. :)
i have several (useless) comments.
1. i laughed out loud and am very happy at the thought of you biting that idiot's head off.
2. you should go to sigur-ros! anika even linked to them in one of her posts. admittedly, they are an aquired taste, but really very enchanting.
3. my ex took someone else to their company's christmas party, which included the Grey Cup game. not cool. and not smart considering i started working for the same company a month later and totally found out about it.
4. i have nothing remotely wise to share about relationships. (i stayed with aforementioned ex for four years after that Grey Cup scandal).
5. anika and i are also cruising through all seasons of sex & the city. very entertaining and enlightening. good choice!
Simple, Jess: you are waiting for me.
Jessica, I'm off your bandwagon. I. Love. Sigur. Ros.
Should have come to the concert with me ... now you've gone and angered your fans ;)
whinger - whatever. I'm way cuter than lea thompson.
claire - damn it. I could use a cookie right about now... p.s. welcome!
janie - are you sure anika is your soulmate and not me? we seem to be suspiciously alike... though that could mean that you are not my soulmate, but rather anika is my soulmate as well as yours. except I hate sigur ros. so no.
al - subconsciously, yes.
ani - I'm sorry... I did give them a chance... a 5-hour chance from Pennsylvania to North Carolina. They just don't do it for me.
dino - I value my fans. but I value my eardrums more. no offense guys.
But just think of all the fun we could have had in Atlantic City! And I just got paid ...
and here i sit watching sex & the city on a friday night instead...
awww jess!! we are programmed to want things we cant have...so the people who are distant and dont give us everything we want, we want them...and everyone else who is available is not so appealing. so we have to overcome that want for the unavailable person or we will forever be chasing what we can't have. those are my words of wisdom for the day...oh and watch for my new blog coming soon!! (when i have time to set it up lol)
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