Waking Up in a Cocoon
So I just went into the downstairs bathroom to look at myself in the mirror (yes, I'm that vain) while I was waiting for my dog to come inside after her nightly going-out. And I looked over, and I saw this:
Ohholycrapthatthingisfreakinghuge!!! Like seriously, I'm not exaggerating, it had to be the diameter of... hmm... what is something round and universal? A wine glass! The spider was the diameter of the bottom part of a wine glass. If I had had a wine glass to smash down on him, he would have squished out, and I bet when flattened, the tips of his legs would have actually stuck out around the sides a little bit! But I cannot stand the feeling of a bug squishing inside a tissue, and he was in a little bowl thingie, so I couldnt smash him with a shoe, and so I tried to pick up the bowl so I could take it outside and fling it and hope the spider would fly out and not attach itself to the bowl by a web string, but it just ran around the bowl whenever I tried to do that and I kept getting scared that it would jump out at me or run over my hand or something!
It was the blog that saved me.
Because I thought to myself, I need to take a picture of this thing! I need to show it to my worldy readers! (And since none of them are Australian or African, I feel confidant that it is the hugest spider they have ever seen outside of captivity.) And so I left the light on and ran upstairs as fast as I could (lest the spider be missing when I got back... then we'd have a real problem on our hands!) Luckily, he was still there when I returned, and apparently he didn't like the flash of the camera, because after taking a couple pictures, I tried again to pick up the bowl and the thing played dead! And I kept nudging the bowl, prompting him to move. Go ahead spider... run around that bowl in circles! Spin a web in there! I'm not scared of you!* But he didn't move.
Then I took him outside, and tried to shake him out of the bowl... except he still wouldn't move. And I banged the bowl on the flower pot (see? I'm nice- I was trying to give him a new home in a dying hybiscus!), but he still wouldn't move.**
And so finally I just turned the bowl over and banged on the top, and when I turned it right-side-up, the spider was gone, leaving nothing behind but a small trail of web.
And now I totally have the heebie-jeebie creepy-crawlies, even more than before because I was trying to identify the spider on the web and saw waaaay too many creepy-crawlie pictures. I itch, and I will probably have yet another dream about waking up in a cocoon of spider web. Great.
* Except I really was.
** Can you tell I'm 4 days away from teaching 3rd grade? I'm starting to write like a repetative children's book... "And he STILL wouldn't move!"
Ohholycrapthatthingisfreakinghuge!!! Like seriously, I'm not exaggerating, it had to be the diameter of... hmm... what is something round and universal? A wine glass! The spider was the diameter of the bottom part of a wine glass. If I had had a wine glass to smash down on him, he would have squished out, and I bet when flattened, the tips of his legs would have actually stuck out around the sides a little bit! But I cannot stand the feeling of a bug squishing inside a tissue, and he was in a little bowl thingie, so I couldnt smash him with a shoe, and so I tried to pick up the bowl so I could take it outside and fling it and hope the spider would fly out and not attach itself to the bowl by a web string, but it just ran around the bowl whenever I tried to do that and I kept getting scared that it would jump out at me or run over my hand or something!
It was the blog that saved me.
Because I thought to myself, I need to take a picture of this thing! I need to show it to my worldy readers! (And since none of them are Australian or African, I feel confidant that it is the hugest spider they have ever seen outside of captivity.) And so I left the light on and ran upstairs as fast as I could (lest the spider be missing when I got back... then we'd have a real problem on our hands!) Luckily, he was still there when I returned, and apparently he didn't like the flash of the camera, because after taking a couple pictures, I tried again to pick up the bowl and the thing played dead! And I kept nudging the bowl, prompting him to move. Go ahead spider... run around that bowl in circles! Spin a web in there! I'm not scared of you!* But he didn't move.
Then I took him outside, and tried to shake him out of the bowl... except he still wouldn't move. And I banged the bowl on the flower pot (see? I'm nice- I was trying to give him a new home in a dying hybiscus!), but he still wouldn't move.**
And so finally I just turned the bowl over and banged on the top, and when I turned it right-side-up, the spider was gone, leaving nothing behind but a small trail of web.
And now I totally have the heebie-jeebie creepy-crawlies, even more than before because I was trying to identify the spider on the web and saw waaaay too many creepy-crawlie pictures. I itch, and I will probably have yet another dream about waking up in a cocoon of spider web. Great.
* Except I really was.
** Can you tell I'm 4 days away from teaching 3rd grade? I'm starting to write like a repetative children's book... "And he STILL wouldn't move!"
posted by Jess at 9:17 PM
6 Comments:
So when a third grader comes up to you in the near future and informs you that there is a huge creepy crawly thingy in the school bathroom what are you going to do? You will have to be brave. At that point you will be their protector, lol.
Jessica, you are a true hero. I have never heard of such brave-ness as you have demonstrated. I am proud of you -- I could never have handled a situation like this in such a calm manner.
(p.s. can you come and kill all the big-and-scary spiders at our house please?)
jessica, you do indeed deserve a purple heart.
however, i must say, i think any post with such an atrocious picture should have a large WARNING at the top. you can imagine my shock and dismay when i excitedly went to check your blog and was accosted with the nastiness of it all! *sigh*
perhaps you should steal one of the children from you school. having a 7yr old at home comes in handy in many ways, including 'spider disposal.'
keep up the good work. on day we will be able to completely annihilate the creepy buggers.
Yeah... I guess calling it "waking up in a cocoon" didn't give you much warning...
And if there is a spider in my classroom, I will make one of the boys get it.
And I noticed one of those sticky mouse traps behind a bookcase the other day... I don't look forward to coming in and finding something attached to that...
and why would you assume that
1) an African/Australian wouldn't read your blog
2) an African/Australian would have seen a spider that large?
just wondering...
Well no one who ever left a comment has specified being from either of those places, and I was under the impression that Austrailia and Africa are where all the huge spiders are... But hey, if I'm wrong, I consider myself corrected.
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