Rock Bottom?
I hate my job. I don't think I've really mentioned it before, mostly because it wasn't always so. In fact, although most other people I know would hate my job, I always found that to be one of its drawing traits. Look what I can do that you'd never in a million years have the patience for...
Yeah, well. My patience have run out.
For two years, I have been getting praise from various important people around my district: my administrators, members of the child study team, my department supervisor, principal at the middle school, the superintendent. They actually made the middle school behavioral teacher come observe me because they thought she might learn something. She had been teaching for several more years than I had.
I'm not saying all this to toot my own horn. If you actually could see the state of things right now, you'd understand why I need to look back on these memories.
I'm not really sure how to explain things, because it has been happening little by little since September, and it is the culmination of so many things, and I also don't want to be too specific because, you know, public blog. I guess the short version is that most of my students were used to one particular behavior management system used by their previous teacher. When they were passed along to me, I adopted said system for consistency (since it had been working for two years), except that, beyond my control, one key component was missing: a place for students to go when they became out of control.
And then I got a new student. This student is much more street smart than the rest of my bunch, and introduced to my class lovely phenomena such as The Finger and Sarcasm ("Ohhh... I'm soooo scared of losing free time..." "Oh, like you're really hurting me by not giving me that reward...") He realized that the other students looked up to him and would copy him, and so his reaction to things he didn't like, no matter how small, was explosive. Then, he began running around the room, getting in other kids' faces, yelling. He figured out that as long as he wasn't physically hurting anyone, he could be as out of control as he wanted to be, and there was no real consequence of value to him. He wasn't removed from the room because there was nowhere for him to go. And the other kids took it allll in. And started to copy.
It wasn't long before my room started spiraling out of control. I went to various people in my school for help (including admin), and no one really gave me any kind of usable advice. They would listen to me, maybe vent about other administrators and what they weren't doing, but no one helped because I don't think they knew what to do either. So it became my fault.
These are students who already don't listen to their parents, stopped listening to me, and also stopped listening to administrators. What kid isn't afraid of the principal? Mine aren't. Yet I am being told that I gave up my authority. What about the principal? What about their parents? I have become the scapegoat.
I follow the school's mandated curriculum. I asked for alternate programs because I believe the ones we are given (mostly scripted, direct instruction, and lack of manipulatives) are not appropriate for special ed students. I was told that it will not be changed, I must use it, and I can make adaptations where I see fit. I did just that, and now I am being told that my lessons are "not engaging enough." I teach the lessons I am supposed to teach in the same way that the whole school is supposed to teach them, and now I am being faulted for following their shitty boring state mandated lessons.
My department supervisor told me to cut down on academic tasks until their behavior is back under control. I did this, and then I was observed by an administrator who told me that what I was doing was "not academic enough," and that he was "concerned" about my chosen methods.
I do not have tenure yet, and so my job for next year is at risk. On one hand, I feel secure in that I am dual certified (regular and special ed), and that I have experience in a district and a type of classroom that looks impressive on any resume. I could probably find a job anywhere else, but of course, my salary would start at Step 1 again. On the other hand, What the Fuck? My contract might not be renewed because I am having trouble controlling a group of children that no other person in the school is able to control?? I have heard other teachers mention that the possibility being given my class is a school-wide worst nightmare.
Sigh. So anyway, in the meantime, now that it's too late, I have finally been giving permission to change up the curriculum. Tomorrow I am visiting two other similar (but of course, "better managed") classrooms in different schools tomorrow to get ideas.
Some people get stressed and lose their appetite. I have never been blessed with such a fortunate reaction to stress. Instead, I pig out, break out in stress hives all over my hands, and my lip erupts with a pleasantly pink and possibly transmittable cold sore. (Read: I am gaining weight, I can't stop scratching, and I can't even kiss my boyfriend.)
I don't know. Maybe I'm just being whiny. And if so, thanks for listening.
Yeah, well. My patience have run out.
For two years, I have been getting praise from various important people around my district: my administrators, members of the child study team, my department supervisor, principal at the middle school, the superintendent. They actually made the middle school behavioral teacher come observe me because they thought she might learn something. She had been teaching for several more years than I had.
I'm not saying all this to toot my own horn. If you actually could see the state of things right now, you'd understand why I need to look back on these memories.
I'm not really sure how to explain things, because it has been happening little by little since September, and it is the culmination of so many things, and I also don't want to be too specific because, you know, public blog. I guess the short version is that most of my students were used to one particular behavior management system used by their previous teacher. When they were passed along to me, I adopted said system for consistency (since it had been working for two years), except that, beyond my control, one key component was missing: a place for students to go when they became out of control.
And then I got a new student. This student is much more street smart than the rest of my bunch, and introduced to my class lovely phenomena such as The Finger and Sarcasm ("Ohhh... I'm soooo scared of losing free time..." "Oh, like you're really hurting me by not giving me that reward...") He realized that the other students looked up to him and would copy him, and so his reaction to things he didn't like, no matter how small, was explosive. Then, he began running around the room, getting in other kids' faces, yelling. He figured out that as long as he wasn't physically hurting anyone, he could be as out of control as he wanted to be, and there was no real consequence of value to him. He wasn't removed from the room because there was nowhere for him to go. And the other kids took it allll in. And started to copy.
It wasn't long before my room started spiraling out of control. I went to various people in my school for help (including admin), and no one really gave me any kind of usable advice. They would listen to me, maybe vent about other administrators and what they weren't doing, but no one helped because I don't think they knew what to do either. So it became my fault.
These are students who already don't listen to their parents, stopped listening to me, and also stopped listening to administrators. What kid isn't afraid of the principal? Mine aren't. Yet I am being told that I gave up my authority. What about the principal? What about their parents? I have become the scapegoat.
I follow the school's mandated curriculum. I asked for alternate programs because I believe the ones we are given (mostly scripted, direct instruction, and lack of manipulatives) are not appropriate for special ed students. I was told that it will not be changed, I must use it, and I can make adaptations where I see fit. I did just that, and now I am being told that my lessons are "not engaging enough." I teach the lessons I am supposed to teach in the same way that the whole school is supposed to teach them, and now I am being faulted for following their shitty boring state mandated lessons.
My department supervisor told me to cut down on academic tasks until their behavior is back under control. I did this, and then I was observed by an administrator who told me that what I was doing was "not academic enough," and that he was "concerned" about my chosen methods.
I do not have tenure yet, and so my job for next year is at risk. On one hand, I feel secure in that I am dual certified (regular and special ed), and that I have experience in a district and a type of classroom that looks impressive on any resume. I could probably find a job anywhere else, but of course, my salary would start at Step 1 again. On the other hand, What the Fuck? My contract might not be renewed because I am having trouble controlling a group of children that no other person in the school is able to control?? I have heard other teachers mention that the possibility being given my class is a school-wide worst nightmare.
Sigh. So anyway, in the meantime, now that it's too late, I have finally been giving permission to change up the curriculum. Tomorrow I am visiting two other similar (but of course, "better managed") classrooms in different schools tomorrow to get ideas.
Some people get stressed and lose their appetite. I have never been blessed with such a fortunate reaction to stress. Instead, I pig out, break out in stress hives all over my hands, and my lip erupts with a pleasantly pink and possibly transmittable cold sore. (Read: I am gaining weight, I can't stop scratching, and I can't even kiss my boyfriend.)
I don't know. Maybe I'm just being whiny. And if so, thanks for listening.
posted by Jess at 5:00 PM
1 Comments:
Woah.
Ok, i'm playing a little catch up over here on your blog.
I'm really surprised to see that everything is crumbling in your classroom. My Cousin G, while being an art teacher and only having the Life Skills kids a few days a week for a short period, was the ONLY art teacher that would deal with the Life Skills kids and their distinct and assorted personality problems. So i've heard how sometimes these kids get shafted by the district and of course it ends up in the teacher's lap to try and fix it all.
In her district, i believe they have some sort of "Time Out Room" - they also have a Bat Phone that calls the office who sends down an administrator when the Special Ed teacher calls. It seems to work for them, but if you can't get that kind of support (and the kids don't care) it's not going to help.
That totally sucks, Jess. I would also be concerned (not to add to the pile) that if you look for a job elsewhere that your references won't be as glowing as they would have been a couple of years ago.
GAH.
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