The Frizz Chronicles

A Short Entry for Christine

2009-06-17T17:03:00.003-05:00

(So she doesn't feel alone in wedding-planning madness.)

Wedding planning is finally under way. And by "under way," I mean we have one appointment at one potential venue next week. And this potential venue is potentially out of our budget, unless we keep our guest list to about 50. Which, honestly, is all we really have in terms of close friends and family, so it IS doable.

We decided to get hitched in January. Both of us had always imagined a spring or summer wedding, but decided that time of year is less important than my brother being there. Plus, Alex continues to worry that I will suddenly change my mind, so for him: the sooner the better.

So... that leaves us about 6 months to plan a wedding. Which is plenty of time, really. But given my tendency to procrastinate (and also fight with my mom when she tries to get me back on track), this could get hairy.

You're My Friends, Too

2009-05-29T17:51:00.003-05:00

Has it really been since January 3 since I last posted? I am surprised Blogger didn't just up and delete my account, figuring I'd never be back. Holy crap.

Anyway, those of you who are my "friend" on facebook may or may not have (may not have being more likely, because I doubt anyone is wasting time thinking about this) noticed, January is about the time I jumped on the FB wagon and became a poster of tidbits. What am I doing now? How do I feel about the weather? What kind of day did I have? What am I eating for dinner? All of my life wrapped up into neat little one-liners.

This has been good for me. Work has been so hectic, it is a rare day that I can come home and compose more than one sentence at a time. And even though it is hectic, I still love it... So the need to vent isn't really there. And then there's the stability of my relationship. And so before I loved my job and had a stable relationship, my blog was about my ridiculous job and my adventures in dating and then there was the filler stuff about my dogs and my occasional forays into the kitchen. But that filler stuff does not an interesting blog make.

Or does it? Or do I really care? I don't know. I suppose if I have trouble coming up with coherent paragraphs (which, clearly, I have having trouble with right now), I can write single line snippets about things I already posted on facebook, like

I am engaged.
Coconut has pink eye. She is on a 10 day, 3 times per day regimen of eye drops and ointments. Poor baby keeps rubbing her face up against the couch. I hope I don't get it.
My dad taught me how to change an electrical outlet last week and then I practiced by changing about 10 of them at my grandma's shore house.
I watched the season finale of Idol while drinking wine and eating frozen pizza. Good times.

Or things that I don't really want to write on Facebook, like

I wonder how to get my dogs to stop eating their own shit without following them around and scooping up after them, because they don't just leave it alone until I can clean it up on the weekend. I've tried sprinkling it with cayenne pepper, thinking that if they tasted a couple turds that were too spicy, they'd think ALL turds were spicy and thus undelicious. Following them around for a few days sprinkling cayenne on all the poop would be easier than following them around FOREVER cleaning up all the poop. It didn't work-- they think cayenne-covered shit is just as tasty as plain. Anyway, something's gotta be done. It's not making them sick, but it sure as hell makes me sick when they belch ass-smell into my face.
I've been doing Weight Watchers since February and have lost 16 lbs, which is great and all... better than nothing, better than gaining, weight stays off longer when it comes off slower, blah blah blah blah. It's taking too long and I know it's my own fault for being so lax about it and not exercising, and still the fact that I am paying for it every month makes me feel like I should be losing weight anyway, without really trying. It's not working that way, obv, and I'm getting frustrated. My plan is to join Curves come summer. I know it's not a REAL gym, but it's something. I don't have to mess around with weights. I can't use weather as an excuse. It's a full body workout. Fast. Easy. SOMETHING. Better than nothing, see?
I don't want to plan my wedding. I want to be married. But the wedding planning? Blech. And it's not that I don't care what my wedding is like. I do... I just don't want to be the one to make it that way. Also, I wanted to have it sometime within the next year, but my brother is being deployed in February for 6 months, so unless we hurry up and do it in January, I have to wait until at least September of 2010. That's a long-ass time away, and the whole thing just makes me mad. It makes me mad at my stupid brother for joining the guard just to get the signing bonus, and then it makes me feel guilty because if something were to happen to him over there, really, my wedding would be irrelevant, and on top of it all, it makes me feel like I'm being some kind of ridiculous bridezilla whiner for being annoyed that I can't have my wedding exactly when I had initially planned. In short, I become a grump whenever people ask me IF I'VE SET A FUCKING DATE YET NO I HAVE NOT!!!! See? Grumpy.

And, A-HA! Apparently I still have some rant left in me. The Frizz Chronicles can survive after all!

Fangs

2009-01-03T13:09:00.004-05:00

When the whole Harry Potter craze started, I thought it was stupid and resisted reading the books for quite some time. Then my college roomie (hi Meg!) was given the first one for Christmas, and she read it, and she made me read it, and thus began a love affair.

I kind of thought the same thing would happen with the Stefanie Meyer Twilight series. I decided I was not going to read it, but then a coworker left an audio copy of the book in the faculty room with the sign "Anyone care to listen?" and I figured, eh, it's free, I can listen during my commute, TONS OF PEOPLE LOVE THIS BOOK IT CAN'T BE ALL THAT BAD!

People, I freakin hated this book. It is possible that the narrator's annoying voice and the awful way she said the protagonist's name, "Beh-lah," set me up not to like it from the very beginning. Maybe had I actually read it instead of listening to it, I would have liked it better. But honestly, I couldn't stand Bella as a character, and I spent the entire book thinking, "Jesus Christ just BITE HER ALREADY!!!!!"

I thought the book was corny and poorly written. I am actually a little upset that my mom just read it and then rushed out to get the next book in the series! Having no one to make fun of this book with bums me out big time.

The life

2009-01-01T16:52:00.004-05:00

While you were busy cleaning up our poop, JESSICA, we dogs were having the BEST YEAR EVER!!!

New Year's Resolution: Pick Up Dog Shit

2009-01-01T13:50:00.004-05:00

I have been a dog owner for a year and a half now. I have been a two-dog owner for the last 11 weeks.

I have never picked up dog poop in my own yard.

Stop! Now before you go getting all judgy judgy on me, I'd like to point out that during the time when we only had Coconut, there were only very small turds scattered around the yard, and most of them were sucked up by the lawn mower, and I don't think that anyone other than me has ever stepped in a pile while back there.

If you're still in the mood to judge, judge this: I bought this contraption

this morning, and then spent an hour walking the yard like a grid and scooping up every last solitary frozen piece of dog shit. I even scraped up the smashed-in ones!

I filled two entire large plastic grocery bags, and honestly, I was surprised by the weight of them! I had to fight the urge to bring the bags into my house and put them on the scale!

Which, oddly, brings me to this:

Alex's worst insults for people always tend to have "bag" tagged onto the end. Dickbag, Assbag, the ever popular Douchebag... you get the point. I asked him about this once, and he said that calling someone a bag of something is even harsher than calling them just that one undesirable thing.

I never really thought about it again until today. A shitbag is WAY worse than one single shit.

Snippets

2008-11-29T17:16:00.004-05:00

My house is uncommonly calm right now. I have a homemade soup simmering on the stove, and when I sat down to do some web-browsing, Marley helped herself to a spot on the couch and Coconut took her pre-Marley post as my blogging partner by sitting on my lap and watching the cursor travel across the screen.

*****

Thanksgiving was pretty good this year. We feasted at my parents' house, and Alex's mom and brother joined us. My brother was home for a change (he was deployed the last two Thanksgivings), and with the exception of A's brother (who was strangely quiet and made an abrupt departure), everyone seemed to enjoy themselves.

*****

Last Sunday we did Marley's mange treatment. She was a trooper during the bath, but I felt soooo bad sticking her soaking wet into a crate and making her air-dry. After about 30 minutes of watching her sit there and shiver, I took a hair dryer to her. (We have borrowed a space heater from my parents for next time.) She spent the next two days sleeping like a log, waking only to eat and go outsite, and her skin is still red and raw in some places. I can't believe we have to do this at least 3 more times.

*****

Alex's birthday was last Friday. I gave him some golf club he hasn't shut up about for the last year and a half. On Saturday night we went to Harrah's. It's not our favorite casino, but it's the only place we've ever won anything significant. We had dinner at the new McCormick & Schmick's they have there. We were both totally unimpressed-- my Fresh Seafood Mixed Grill was bland, and the risotto it was served on was tasty but mushy. Alex asked for a crabcake alongside his filet mignon, and the waitress ended up bringing him an entire crabcake entree in addition to his filet entree. He was scared to send it back for fear that someone might spit in his dessert, so that ended up costing us an extra $30. Also, we didn't really win anything.

*****

My cousin's Bat Mitzvah was two weeks ago. My mom made the interesting observation that no one seems to dance anymore unless it is a choreographed dance like the Cha Cha Slide. Apparently it is more about knowing the words to every song. Most of the teens just kind of bounced around in groups, yelling lyrics at each other. The high point (for me, anyway) was when my brother and Alex won the dance contest. The couples dance contest. As a couple. We also got my grandma to don a giant pink fur pimp hat and red aviator sunglasses. I have already ordered the picture of that one from the photog's website.

Marley and Alex and Me

2008-11-22T07:24:00.002-05:00

The test results came back for Marley's most recent poo sample, and not only did the giardia not go away, but she has roundworms too. Giardia AND mange AND roundworms. Her little body is teeming with all these disgusting parasites. Her nickname has become Buggy, and I continue to feel more and more sorry for her. Apparently, the one dose of heartworm meds (that also prevent some other worms) that she has had since we got her was not enough to protect her from the dangers of eating rabbit turds. You might remember, I had this same issue with Coconut when we first got her, but she (knock on wood) managed to avoid catching anything. Anyway, now Marley is on three different oral meds, and we'll be doing her first mange dip tomorrow.

*****

In other news, and yes, there are other things going on in my life, I have perhaps the best boyfriend ever. I came home on Thursday (Alex's day off), and he had cleaned the whole main floor of our house, including floors, cooked dinner, did all his laundry, and even bought me a medicated Chap Stick (although that was probably for selfish reasons, wink wink, har har). When I opened the cabinet to get my coffee mug the next morning, I saw that he organized all the tupperware, and when I opened the closet to get my coat, all of the shit that used to be on the floor in there was gone.

Now I sort of feel guilty for sitting around all day today, like maybe I should have cleaned the bathroom and stuff instead. But obviously I don't feel that guilty, because here I sit, blogging away.

*****

Kid-Bit (it's back!)

Sometimes, because my students aren't entirely... aware of what goes on around them, I forget to watch what I say. The other day, one of my aides received a giant bouquet of flowers, and explained to us that they were sent from her boyfriend, who she fought with the night before. The fight ended in him saying, "fuck you," and her throwing him out of her house. "So they are Eff You flowers, " I said.

And my little A repeated, "A FEW FLOWERS!"

"That's right!" I told him, "A few flowers."

More Dog Stuff

2008-11-21T06:23:00.002-05:00

So remember how a couple weeks ago I was all, "Take That, Vet Office Lady!" because I asked her if Marley's hair loss was due to her parasite, and she said no, and I found information to the contrary online?

Um, Marley has Mange.

I feel so bad for her. When I took her to the vet on Wednesday night, they knew immediately when they saw her. Still, they did several skin scrapings to be sure. I am tempted to put the word "scrapings" in quotes, because a scrape sounds harmless and does not convey what they actually did, which was pin her down and use a razor blade to remove samples of her skin. It made me want to cry.

It turnes out that the type of mite she has is not really contageous to humans or other dogs... she most likely got it while nursing, and the reason the hair loss only started to show recently was because her immune system was down from her initial set of vaccines.

The treatment sounds aweful, and I am dreading it. In addition to the disgusting-smelling pill I am throwing into her food bowl twice a day, we are going to have to do a "dip." There are several steps to this process. We have to start by putting protective drops into her eyes. Then we have to wash her with a special shampoo, and towel dry. Then we have to mix a dropperful of what is essentially an insecticide with a half gallon of water and pat her down with spongefulls of it until it is all gone. They said it smells terrible and that it should be done in a well-ventilated place and that we need to wear rubber gloves! I have to protect my skin from the stuff I am putting all over my dog! She then has to air-dry... She is so skinny and she is going to have to be in a room with an open window and it is freezing outside and I can't even bundle her up in a towel. I am also told that because it is such a strong chemical, she will seem like she is drunk for a couple days. OMG!!! We have to do this four times, too!

I can't believe the difference between getting a dog from a reputible breeder and getting a dog from someone who apparently went to some shady-as-shit operation where they leave out parasite-infested water and their breeding dogs have mange. Coconut came with papers to which all of the labels from her vaccines had been attached. I don't even know Marley's birthday.

Dog Cookies and People Cookies

2008-11-08T15:44:00.003-05:00

When I reached up to get a dog cookie from the bag on the top of the fridge, I was not expecting said bag to be empty. I haven't given treats for peepees in awhile, since both dogs tend to fixate on the treats and not actually go to the bathroom. So when I did find that there were no cookies in the bag, my first thought went to Alex. Is he using them to secretly trick the dogs into liking him better? Then I thought, oh, they are sitting on an open box of trash bags. Maybe last time I took one, I didn't close the bag all the way, and they tumbled out into the box...

Alas, that is when I stood on my tippy toes to check the box, and came across the unfortunate view of mouse poop. Lots of it. Allllll on top of the garage fridge.

I think we all know where the cookies went now, don't we?

When I called my dad to shriek about the whole situation (Alex is working and didn't answer his cell), he gave me several options, as follows:

Sticky pads... but then you might have to deal with finding a live one stuck to it.
Trap... with the same drawback as above, unless you get a humane trap, in which case you have to find a place to let the mouse go where it won't just return to your house.
Poison... which "eats them from the inside out," (ugh) causing them to look for water, which will be outside, which will mean they are not in your house.
Keep putting food in the garage. This will not get them out of the garage, but it will keep them out of your house, since they won't need to search for food elsewhere.

He then continued to run through a number of scenarios in which: the baby mouse was able to return to the nest (that he imagines to be under my deck) toting an entire Milk Bone and filled with pride; the father mouse carries back one under each arm, which is difficult, but he has responsibilities to provide for his family, so he trudges along; one thousand mice make a sort of assembly line from under my deck to the top of my fridge, passing along one at a time until the entire bag is empty.

I am dreading the whole capturing process, because Alex is a Girly Man, and it is almost certain that he will refuse to take care of any kind of creature, dead or alive. You may not believe me (though I imagine if you know Alex, you will), but he actually makes me kill the bugs and empty fuzzy leftovers into the garbage desposal. I assure you that dealing with the mice will be the same.

*****

Not that you want to read about mice and then read about cookies, so sorry about this. You can come back later to read this part if you want.

When I laid eyes on this recipe for Crispy Salted Oatmeal White Chocolate Cookies, I knew I'd have to make them. However, the recipe calls for flaked sea salt. This is not easy to find. I have found fine, crystallized sea salt. I have found flavored sea salt. I have found sea salt grinders. I have not been able to find it flaked, except online. And if you think $8-10 + shipping is a lot for salt, when you will only use two to three flakes per cookie, I would tend to agree with you.

A Crispy (Unsalted) Oatmeal White Chocolate Cookie sounds delicious, too. So, I decided to go ahead and make them anyway, sans flaked sea salt. (Are you tired of me saying, "sea salt," yet? Sea salt. SEA SALT! SEASALTSEASALTSEASALT!!!!!)

Anyway, they aren't that good. Kind of plain, honestly. And I don't know that the FSS (you're welcome) would have saved them. I mean, the people on that site raved about these cookies, so maybe it would have... Maybe that was just what these cookies needed to pull them out of Blahland and into MmMmMM!land. But now that I've had them this way, it's out of my system, and I'm not so anxious to try it again.

Sickly

2008-11-08T07:42:00.007-05:00

Poor little Marley has a parasite. I only just found out yesterday because Alex forgot to bring a stool sample with him when he took her to the vet weeks ago, and then I forgot again until Thursday. I feel sooo guilty that: #1 She has probably been feeling starved since the day we got her, #2 She has also probably been feeling parched, as I was putting up her water between meals (she was drinking rediculous amonts and it was making it hard to house-train her); Now I know that the giardia can cause dehydration.

About a week ago, I noticed that the hair on her face is looking sparse, and more recently I noticed small patches missing from her body. When I went to the vet's office to pick up the meds yesterday, I explained what I saw and asked if it could have to do with the parasite. The lady behind the desk said no, but what do you think? If hair-loss can be caused by lack of nutrients, and a parasite can cause lack of nutrients... wouldn't the two be connected? Actually, I just found a website that said asymmetrical hair loss can be caused by parasites, so pft: Take That, Vet Office Lady.

Anyway, I am hoping that once the meds start to work, her hair will grow back (so I can be right) and she will start to gain some weight (so I won't feel like I'm playing some kind of Flintstone's bony xylaphone every time I pet her stomach).

P.S. on the Vet's Office... When I made her next appointment, I made a request for the vet I wanted. The office lady was not surprised-- apparently "younger clients just don't get Dr. Bitchyvet... but most of the older clients like her a lot." I don't know what that says about her... Maybe we younger pet owners are too sensitive about our pets? Who knows.

Trick or Treat

2008-10-31T18:28:00.003-05:00

The whole Fainting at the Secret Restaurant thing left a bunch of people asking me if I am pregnant. I'm not sure why... I've never heard of pregnant women going around fainting all over the place, but that's the first question everyone had anyway, so I guess I'm just out of the loop. Anyway, then there was this whole slip-up where I missed a couple days of the Pill, and so I took the missed ones all in one day along with the one I was supposed to take (not the right thing to do), and that messed up my period, and then I started thinking, Holy shit, what if I really AM pregnant?! But I'm not, so we can all relieve a big sigh of relief there!

Anyway, cheers to Alex for not freaking out when I informed him of the possibility. I mean, he was freaked out, but he didn't freak out. If you can see the difference.

Also, Marley wants to say hi.

I'm not sure why her eyes look all freaky in this picture... I think they don't if you click to enlarge, if you're interested.

I don't remember Coconut being this clumsy and awkward. Maybe because she was never going to get that big, her limbs were more in proportion? Marley has long legs and big paws and she leaps around all the time slamming into walls and furniture and falling so that all four legs are sprawled out. I can't get her to learn "down" because she gets so excited about food that every time I try to lower the treat to the ground, she stands up and jumps around instead of her butt sliding backwards. She doesn't respond to sound aversion like Coconut does, so the whole Shake-a-Can-of-Pennies thing doesn't do anything more than scare the dog who isn't doing anything wrong. She doesn't love the spray bottle, but again, as soon as I take it out, Coconut runs away, tail between the legs, and hides behind a chair. Something else that Coconut is, and Marley is not: a complete sissy.

One Weekend, Two Big Events

2008-10-14T17:54:00.006-05:00

When I called my mom Saturday night to tell her I had news, she was pretty sure I was going to tell her I got engaged. What a let down it was to tell her that we adopted another dog... And right now you're probably having the same mental reaction that she had vocally, thinking a big old, "...? ...Oh! ...Um, okay! ... Congratulations?"

So she was sort of a rescue, and I say sort of because it's not like we found her starving on the street or pulled her out of a shelter or anything. In fact, the 8-week-old English Pointer was purchased a week before by Alex's coworker's well-meaning brother who then realized he had no business owning a dog and began looking for someone to take her.

I allowed myself to be "tricked" by Alex, who called me asking if I wanted the new puppy (we've been talking about getting another one), told me she was super cute and trained to the peepee pad, and a light shedder, and would only grow to be about 35lbs. "Why don't you just come down and take a look at her?" he asked me. Of course, you can guess the rest, but I'll tell you anyway:

I took her home that night. It's true, she IS super cute, but she is certainly not reliably trained to the peepee pad (something I learned the hard way when I returned home from work yesterday to poop and pee everywhere), and she will probably be closer to 50 or 60 pounds! I am such a sucka.

As of right now, she doesn't have a permanent name, but I'll keep you posted.

Coconut is slowly adjusting to the situation. She is not quite sure if she likes The Playmate or resents The Stealer of My Humans' Undivided Attention.

*****

On Sunday, we went to a secret restaurant of Alex's mom's birthday. It's not actually a secret, but there's a lot of mystique surrounding the whole thing, and well, I'll just let you read about it here, because that guy does a better job of telling about the place than I will.

Plus, I can only speak to the deliciousness of the bread and the house salad, because right about the time that our entrees came, I got extremely hot, a little dizzy, and when I stood up to walk to the bathroom and splash some water on my face, I passed out!

I don't even really remember what happened... I was jammed in a corner, and I asked A to get up, which meant his mom also had to get up, and when I stood, he looked like he was miles away from me, and next thing I knew, his brother was standing over me asking if I was okay and some doctor from the table next to us was taking my pulse and asking me if this ever happened before (which it has). When I was able to sit up, I was ushered outside where it was cooler, and right about the time I decided I was ready to face the embarassment and reenter the restaurant to taste what was supposed to be one of my best meals ever, Alex's family emerged toting leftovers.

Everyone was all, "Don't be embarassed," and "Don't apologize! I'm just glad you're okay!" But you know. Still embarassed. Still sorry for ruining a delicious dinner.

And also? I'm thinking now that this has happened twice, I should perhaps have myself checked out. It'll have to wait though... my benefits don't kick in until November, and I can't afford the doctor visits.

Growl

2008-09-30T09:06:00.002-05:00

I have been quite happy with my vet office since we got Coconut a little over a year ago. I had to take her somewhat often during the first couple of months to get various series of vaccines and whatnot. Since then, since she has stayed healthy (knock on wood), we haven't had to go until today, when she was scheduled for her yearly check-up and rabies shot.

I usually deal with one specific vet. Her name is not the one listed on the sign, so I don't know if she is a recent partner or what, but I really like her. She is nice to my dog and she is patient with my questions. Today, however, we saw the other lady.

I know it's only a vet's office, but her bedside manner definitely left something to be desired.

First, I asked her if I should get Coconut stripped (I read somewhere it keeps their coat healthy) and she actually rolled her eyes at me and said, "I don't care what you do with her-- that's like asking me if you should get your hair cut!" Oooh kaaayy...

Then, she called my dog fat. Again, I know this is a dog we are talking about, so I'm not looking for her to use sensitive phrasing, but she could have said something like, "She is getting a little fat, so you might want to cut back on her food." Instead, it was like, "She is fat! You are feeding her too much! And stop giving her treats!"

Next she called her "bad" because she was squirming when Vet tried to look in her mouth, yelling, "STOP IT! Oh, you are BAD. Sit your fat bum down." I know that a well-trained dog will tolerate prodding by strangers, but she is good for her groomer, and good for her trainer, and really, I think it was just the mean ol' vet who she didn't feel comfortable with.

The last thing I asked her to do was cut Coconut's nails. I thought they seemed long, especially since I haven't been able to get her groomed due to her expired rabies shot. Seems to me that a vet should be able to look at dog nails and say, "Actually, they look okay to me!" But she did not. She cut Coconut's nails, and when she hit the quick and it started bleeding, she glared at me yet again, saying, "There wasn't much to cut off. Don't you like your nails long? Look! It has hurt her!"

I left feeling terrible about my apparently fat, bad, injured dog and my apprently stupid and shallow questions about her well-being.

Coconut was not the only bitch at the vet today.

Work, Cook, Sit

2008-09-22T18:22:00.003-05:00

It's been a little over a week since my last post, and honestly, I don't have much to talk about.

...

I'm still loving my new job. I still have a long way to go until I'm entirely comfortable with what I'm doing, but I'm enjoying the learning process, and the work I have to do has been more interesting and fun than tedious.

*****

I haven't cooked anything real in a long while. Sure, I've heated up several things to form a somewhat healthy yet preservative-overloaded meal. Last night was packaged london broil with au jus, pierogies, and broccoli with cheddar sauce. See what I mean? Protein, starch, veggie... but also fat and plenty of hydrogenated whosiwhatits. Ah well. I made up for it tonight by making a version of HG's Famous Bowl, with enough leftovers to afford me two more servings. PLUS, since I made Italian seasoned/broiled chicken instead of the breaded fake chicken, I can make some pasta and sauce and then I will have even MORE meals! Go me!

*****

Walking into home improvement stores immediately puts me in a foul, foul mood. I don't know if it is the smell of wood/tools/mulch or the high, expansive ceilings and loud, echoing announcements, the fact that if you can actually find someone to help you, he never actually knows how to help you, or that I resent the fact that I ever have to go to these stores in the first place because I either want everything to be done already or for it to get done without my involvement. Take your pick, I guess.

Anyway, Alex and I went to such a store this weekend, and we realized that we can probably redo our half-bath downstairs for under $300. This includes a new pedestal sink to replace the nasty, mildewy cabinet/sink combo that is there, tiles to replace the DISGUSTING carpet (why the eff would someone carpet a bathroom?!?!?!), AND a mirror and light fixture! Why haven't we done this already?! We are L-A-Z-Y! We are waiting until next weekend when we'll have the cash (CASH!) to pick everything up, and hopefully my dad will help us out with the plumbing and electrical stuff. The best part: Once the downstairs bathroom doesn't skeeve me out, I will use it way more. Because it has a fan. If you get my... drift.

*****

And while we're talking about home improvements, something needs to be done about our couch situation. When I moved into my apartment, I bought lovely furniture. When Alex and his bozo friends helped move me out of my apartment, they refused to take the legs off the couch, and instead opted to remove the railing from the stairwell instead. The outcome: My couch was punctured by the railing hardware, which they left there, and the upholstery ripped. I don't know how to fix it, and I don't want to pay to have it reupholstered, and it hasn't been much of an issue because we've been using a hand-me-down couch from Alex's boss. It is an issue now because the couch's stench of dog has gotten increasingly worse, even with regular Fabreezes (extra strength, even), and you can smell it from anywhere in the living room. I know it's our own fault-- we should have never even let the dog on the couch. But what's done is done, and now it's where she sleeps. I want to bring in my couch from the garage, but I don't know how to mend the rip (I am scared that just sewing it will rip the fabric more, as it is pulled so tightly), and even if I do manage to come up with a solution (iron-on patch covered by a decorative throw?), I don't know how to keep the new couch from getting doggy smelly. The short version: Our current couch smells, our other, non-smelly couch is ripped, I want a new couch.

*****

I guess for someone with nothing to talk about, I managed just fine.

Sigh of Relief

2008-09-12T17:55:00.004-05:00

After an attitudy phone call from the personnel lady last week claiming, "If you don't turn in your paperwork, you WON'T get paid next week," I promptly made the trip over to her office to turn in my shit. Just about the only way to get me to complete paperwork in a timely fashion is to threaten my bank account. P.S. I haven't told this to anyone ever, but the only true critique (an "X" in the "Unsatisfactory" box) on my final evaluation from The Suck-Ass District in Which I Used to Work had to do with that very issue. Weird, no one ever said anything to me about it, so I thought they didn't notice... Achem. Anyway. So I turned my stuff in at New and Awesome District, where I was gently scolded and told that I'll have to wait 60 days to get benefits because I missed the deadline, but that I would, in fact, get paid on time.

And thank goodness I did, because sheesh, unemployment is nice dough to get when you don't have a job, but it doesn't match what you get paid on a regular salary (at least, mine didn't) and because of ~~the stupid water-losing, leaf- and dead-mouse-collecting, expensive chemical consuming pool~~ some reason, we spend a lot more money in the summer.

I also opened a high-yield savings account so that come next summer I will have enough saved that I don't have to feel guilty for not working. THEN, if I decide to take some home therapy hours or do summer school, we'll have enough cash to ~~hire a painter or go on vacation~~ invest in a very impressive portfolio. Or something.

*****

Week 1 of the job is over, and I still love it. I am getting more comfortable with the whole program, learning how to get the most out of each of my aides (who are great anyway), and did I mention how freaking cute my kids are? So fun!

Rearing to Go

2008-09-05T04:56:00.003-05:00

Yesterday was my first full day with kids, and ohmygodpeople these kids are so fucking cute. They are tiny and sweet and say hilarious things. Yesterday I mostly just let them play, so I could see what they like, how capable they are, what they know, how much they talk... The day was awesome. I will be placing a few more demands on them today, so we will see if any major behaviors emerge. I hope I'm not jinxing myself by saying so, but I think I have a great group.

My eyes popped open 30 minutes before my alarm today, and for the first time in several years I didn't grimace and roll over. My head wasn't flooded with anxious thoughts. I didn't think, "Ugh, I don't want to go to work today."

I simply woke up and started my day.

Validated

2008-09-01T08:05:00.003-05:00

There were several rumors circulating about the superintendent in my former district: "he is an asshole" was at the top of the list, followed by vague notions about short-lived stints in a number of districts, sexual harassment, and a dislike of anything having to do with special ed departments. I can vouch for the being an asshole thing, and as it turns out, I'm not the only one.

As it turns out, one of the other special ed teachers in my new school used to work in a district where the same supt worked. She had had coworkers who experienced the sexual harassment, and she actually had issues very similar to mine-- he had it out for her, and just before tenure, she was not renewed. She had never gotten a bad observation, yet when she asked for a reason in writing (so she could collect unemployment), he cited poor performance. She ended up getting a lawyer to handle it all.

I'm not glad all this happened to her, but I am glad that it didn't only happen to me! And if she and I randomly ended up in the same school and both have had problems with this guy... imagine how many others there must be out there!

A little more detail

2008-08-26T19:03:00.003-05:00

When I left my last job, I thought to myself, Well at least I can feel confident knowing that no job I end up with could possibly be as difficult as this was...

And then I went ahead and got the one job that might just be even more difficult.

I don't know a lot about how web searches work, but I'm hoping that if I link to this site and this site, you will be able to put two and two together (or one and one together?) and figure out the population I'm teaching and none of my students' parents will land themselves on this page to read about how scared shitless I am to teach their children.

I don't know what made them choose me, other than desparation, because like I said: SCHOOL STARTS IN A WEEK. They are a desirable district with hundreds of applicants for any given position. Apparently school jobs are hard to come by, if you haven't heard.

I do think this job will be more fun. I think the kids, even if more difficult in certain ways, will be sweet. I don't think they will disrespect me (on purpose) like my previous students did because they are young and (from what I've heard) their parents teach them better. The parents are involved in their children's education, know about their disability, and work at home to renforce what we do in school. Will they be a pain in the ass? I am certain of it. But at least they care.

Essentially, I will be teaching these kids how to communicate through speech and sign and, well, just about any other way I can. How cool is that? How scary is that?

It's Official!

2008-08-25T16:10:00.004-05:00

Phew! I met with the superintendent today, and she spoke with me as if, duh, I already had the job. "Have you introduced yourself to your building principal?" Ummm... no... because I didn't want to walk into his office and say, "Hi! I'm Jess, and I just might be a new teacher in your school!"

But anyway. Relief. And a touch of I Think I'm Going To Shit My Pants.

School starts in a week (OMG!) so I will let you know how it's goes!

*****

Alex and I went on a dinner cruise last night. It was just okay... mostly older people with a mediocre buffet and a cheesey DJ. It was kind of like a bad wedding. But on a boat.

We spent most of the evening drinking on the deck. Perhaps the most exciting part of the night was when I was cold and Alex offered me his jacket. As we were sitting there I happened to feel something in the pocket... a small, square box. I thought, Could it be??? Is he going to propose to me tonight???

And I waited and waited, and kept looking around giving people the evil eye so they would go away, because surely he was just waiting for some privacy.

And then the ship docked and we left, and I had no ring on my finger. Maybe he just decided that it since it wasn't quite what we were expecting, he is going to save it for another time? Still, I HAVE to see that ring...!!!

So when we got home, I waited until he went to the bathroom, and I snuck a peek inside the box, and...

It was a 5-year pin from his workplace that he received at last year's holiday party.

Hrumph.

Chaos!

2008-08-21T05:12:00.004-05:00

Okay, so it's been a two days since the elation of my previous post, and I'm past yesterday's nail-biting stressfullness, and if you are wondering why I'm posting at 6:30 in the morning it's because I'm about to go to Not Work.

Apparently there was a little mixup. Maybe? I dont know. Perhaps?

I was definitely offered a teaching job on Tuesday afternoon. Nothing about the conversation I had with the woman makes me doubt that it was an actual offer, and she said nice things about there being a lot of discussion about the candidates but that the overall feeling was that my heart and head were really in it and Would You Please Come to the Job Training Sessions on Thursday and Friday? You know. For this job we're offering you?

I alerted just about everyone I know to my good fortune, celebrated with a glass of wine, and slept easy for the first night all summer.

THEN: While shopping with my mom yesterday, I received a phone call from the superintendent's office of the same district, asking to set up A Second Interview!!! "I was under the impression I had the job," I stammered. To which the secretary snottily replied, "Well I'm sorry if you got that impression... only the superintendent can make that decision... We have an opening on Monday." "Uh... but I was asked to go to this training..." "Well a meeting with the superintendent is a little more important than whatever training you're supposed to go to!" "Okay, pencil me in at 10... so... should I still go to the training?" *Huge Sigh... I'll have to find out and get back to you."

So hours go by during which I become testy with my mom and some lady at Home Depot who lost my window measurements.

I'm finally called back, and am told that I need to understand that I should not have been told I already had the position, that the final decision comes down to the superintendent, and I am welcome to attend the trainings if I'd like, but that I will not know if I have the job until after Monday.

My mom and some of her teachery and administrativey friends believe this is all just a formality; why would they ask me to attend the training if I wasn't the only candidate being recommended to the superintendent? Apparently only the sup can legally offer a job and discuss salary, but it would be nice if someone would just tell me if this is all a formality, or if I am getting up at 6 to show I am a go-getter by attending a training for a job I may not have.

Also, as if this wasn't all enough to think about, a former coworker who now works for another district searched out my phone number through mutual contacts and called me at home last night in an attempt to poach me from my ex-district. Wasn't she pleased to find out I am actually looking for a position! She has been asked to recommend someone (apparently the candidates they have interviewed thus far are... concerning), and thought immediately of me; she'd love to work with me again; the class sounds really nice, as does the school, and will I come in for an interview?

Oh, and um, Alex's ex-almostgotmarried-highschoolsweetheart works somewhere in the district, possibly in that school, but he's not sure.

...!?!?!?!

And that's where I am right now. In summary: Two possibilities, no certainties, up too early, and SCHOOL STARTS IN LESS THAN TWO WEEKS!!!!! Also: Alex's ex-girlfriend.

osdjghsdfvbs;dfnsofnvf!!!!!!!!

2008-08-19T15:42:00.001-05:00

I GOT A JOB!!!! I GOT A JOB!!!! I GOT A JOB!!!! I GOT A JOB!!!! I GOT A JOB!!!! I GOT A JOB!!!! I GOT A JOB!!!! I GOT A JOB!!!! I GOT A JOB!!!! I GOT A JOB!!!! I GOT A JOB!!!! I GOT A JOB!!!! I GOT A JOB!!!! I GOT A JOB!!!! I GOT A JOB!!!! I GOT A JOB!!!!

Details to follow! Too excited now!

Just a Couplea Things

2008-08-15T08:20:00.002-05:00

Worst Idea Ever: Putting Maroon 5's Harder to Breathe on my Couch-to-5k mix. It does not inspire me to keep going, but rather, it makes me feel like I am drowning.

*****

Weirdest Thing of Late: I succombed to the advertising pressure and bought a PedEgg. I can honestly say that filing your feet is the strangest feeling, and the sound is even worse. And you know how on the commercial they show the girl open up the lid and there are all those foot shavings in there and she dumps them in the trash can and *gag*...? Um, yeah that actually happens. It's gross. But still... my feet look so much better.

*****

This Will Make You Want to Hurl: SOMEONE, we won't mention who, put old food in the bottom of an empty outdoor trashcan without a garbage bag. I thought only had some crumpled up grocery bags in it. On trash day, I turned it over so rain wouldn't get in it and walked away. Today, the dog was sniffing around and scratching at it, and so I lifted up the can, only to be faced with rotting hummus and cheese, both covered in maggots. GAG GAG GAAAAG!!!!!!!! Maggots are my gross-out thing, and there they were! In my back yard!! Someone is getting in big trouble when he gets home...

Recommended: Cold Onions

2008-08-13T16:26:00.005-05:00

I happened to catch the show Food Detectives the other night. If you haven't seen it, you aren't missing much. I suppose it is interesting enough-- they address different food myths and tell you the science behind them. I just feel like they made an entire series out of something that could have fit into a one-hour special.

Example: In a recent episode they test the best way to recover from eating something that is too spicy. They try water, soda, beer, bread, and milk. I knew the answer before they even started, and so it didn't surprise me that they saved the milk for last. But that seems to be how every episode goes. Want to know the best way to chop an onion without tearing up? Check out the order of the theories they are going to "test," see which one comes last, and move on with your life.

That said...

I actually sat through the entire onion episode. They tried cutting the onion under water, and a couple other things I don't remember, but the last one... the last one my friends, was to make the onion cold first. They suggested that putting an onion into the fridge about 20 minutes before you need it will significantly cut down the onion chopping cry fest.

I didn't think about it again until tonight. I made a very impressive and healthy (no really, it is!) shepherd's pie. It calls for 2 onions, but I had just one whole onion in the cabinet, and a half-used onion in the fridge. I pulled out the refrigerated onion first and chopped it up without even thinking about it. Then, I took out the onion from the cabinet, and just seconds into chopping, my eyes were burning and tearing and I was wiping my face on my sleeve in an attempt to cut with my eyes open and not forfeit one of my fingers.

And then I remembered that episode of Food Detectives. A-ha! It really works!

I still don't know if I'd sit through an entire episode of the show again, but I would definitely check out all their tests, find out which one comes last... and then do that.

UPDATE: The shepherd's pie was just okay. I wasn't really a fan of the overwhelming thyme flavor. For next time, maybe some grill seasoning or seasoned salt instead? However, the mashed potato/cauliflower topping was delish. It was a nice way to lighten up the mashed potatoes without going full cauliflower mash. I ended up scraping it off the leftovers and saving only that. Heehee.

A Very Interesting Story About Gutters

2008-08-13T12:37:00.006-05:00

Since we purchased this house over a year ago, we have come to find that each and every time we want to start a project, we are blocked or thrown off course by a previous owner's half-assed job. I know this tends to be typical when you buy a "fixer upper," but damn, we didn't really think we had much to fix up other than a fresh coat of paint everywhere and some new floors, and even those things have been halted by uneven ground and layer upon layer of wallpaper.

Yesterday I called someone to come clean out our gutters. He arrived today in a big unmarked truck-- an old guy in baggy jeans, a wife-beater, and a dirty, floppy white(ish) hat. The estimate was reasonable, and so I figured the strangeness of it all far outweighed the possibility of having to call another guy and schedule another estimate. Plus this guy could do the work today.

As he inspected the back of my house to make the estimate, he questioned me about a missing endcap and downspout, and which point I shrugged my shoulders and told him he could go ahead and fix that too, if it wasn't too expensive, and it wasn't.

When he was finished the work, he came around to report that the reason for the missing endcap is because when the woodstove (which we hate and want to get rid of because it is big and ugly and we are not Add-wood-Set-fire-Sweep-ashes type of people when we have a perfectly good heater that warms the house just fine, thank you) was installed, they built the chimney right on top of the gutters. When the water, which was supposed to flow to the right, had no where to go, they simply took the endcap off the left side and figured that would be fine, as long as the water had somewhere to go.

I'm pretty sure this is the cause of the cracked cement under where (heh heh... underwear) we usually have a nice waterfall when it rains.

And because I had nothing better to do, I took a picture, along with some others, for your viewing enjoyment:

Click me to see bigger!

Psycho organization of kitchen cabinets as procrastination for job search

Pissed off dog who does NOT want to be in this picture, thankyouverymuch!

A Smattering of Things

2008-08-11T08:10:00.003-05:00

Hi All! It's been a couple weeks, but the update is pretty simple:

Another interview
Still no job
3 days down the shore with Mom and the dogs

I don't really want to elaborate on the first two. As for the last one, the time down the shore was okay, except that we've been working on cleaning out the house (it is my grandma's, but she doesn't live there anymore) and she is a pack rat and I have to say that it borders on a sickness. Like there is not much difference between her and the people you see on those crazy pack rat clean house shows, except that all of her mess is shoved into closets and drawers and corners because she likes the rest of the place to look perfect. You would not believe how small the apartment is, and yet how many bags of trash ended up on the curb. How did she fit it all in there?? I'm sure I don't know.

*****

My newest cooking project is poached eggs. This site in my blog feed reminded me of them, and at the time, my friend Alison was visiting for the weekend. We decided to make them the next day. Her method did not match SK's method, but they came out great, just the same. This morning I decided to make them on my own. I tried to do one with the whirlpool, and one without the whirlpool (which is how Al does them). I have to say, maybe my twister wasn't tight enough, but all the spinning water did was send the whites off in shreds around the pot. The whole thing eventually sort of came together, but I think one I just dropped into the almost-simmering pot turned out better. Next I will try the Julia Child method of dropping the still-shelled egg into the water for 10-20 seconds before breaking it into the water. I'll let you know.

*****

Another thing Alison and I did during her visit (what, you didn't think I held her hostage so she could cook for me, did you?) was see the new Batman movie at the IMAX theater. I have to say, the movie was great, I think, but I'm not entirely sure because I spent most of the time massaging the kink out of my neck and struggling to look around and figure out how what was happening on the left side of the screen related to was happening on the right. And behind me. It really was just too big. I don't know how the people in the back row fared-- it's possible that they were at an angle and distance that gave them a full enough view to be able to follow along and feel like they were in the movie, but we were somewhere in the middle. Ass-kicking scenes were especially hard to follow. The best part of the experience (and the reason I remember IMAX being cool) were the Flying-Over-Gotham scenes. A couple times it felt like I was about to fall off the edge of a building, only to glide across the street and through a skyscraper window. That part was pretty cool. I'd like to see it again in a regular theater... or even just in my own living room.

*****

I finally completed Week 1 of Couch-to-5k. It took me two weeks because the first week I did it left me pretty much feeling like I was either going to collapse into a cramped up ball or pass out from hyperventilation. There were only 8 one-minute running intervals during of 25 minutes of movement, but I could only do three of them the first time I went out. The second time I went I did 6, and I was finally able to do all 8 the third time I went. I decided to do a second week because I didn't feel like I was ready to move on.

Last night I made a new playlist on audacity for Week 2 with chimes at the new intervals. I definitely should have listened through it first. The first song sounded okay, but I forgot to adjust the volume of the chime, so I almost missed the first one. Then the second song came on and I don't know how it happened, but it was playing super super fast and so it sounded like I was listening to the Chipmunks. I thought I'd be able to keep going and not let it bother me, but just, No. I ended up walking the whole thing instead, and I was a little frustrated to realize that I got home at approximately the same time I would have if I ran. I suppose once I gain the endurance to actually keep running for distances, I can work on speed.

*****

It poured yesterday from start to finish, and Alex and I decided to celebrate the drink for our much dehydrated lawn by watching movies. All day. Four of them. In a row.

We started with Dan in Real Life. Then 27 Dresses. Then Strange Wilderness. Then Mr. Woodcock. Alex ~~actually likes romantic comedies, especially anything with Hugh Grant~~ really only likes movies with guns and/or fart jokes, but he watches romantic comedies for my sake, because I'm a girl. It was totally ~~his~~ my idea to watch the romantic comedies first, to get them out of the way, of course, and then move on to the stupid ones. For the record, Strange Wilderness was just as awful as you'd expect.

Fun with myPod

2008-07-28T17:49:00.002-05:00

Far be it from me to whine about an almost ideal situation, but...

My time spent reading on the beach a couple weeks ago was relaxing, but it seems that whenever I read in the sun, I wish for a better way. If I sit up, I worry about shadows creating book-shaped tan lines on my legs, and if I lay down, my arms get tired holding the book in the air. (Wah. Reading on the beach is too hard.)

This week, I came up with a solution. I borrowed a book on CD from my library, copied it onto my computer, and uploaded it to my iPod. I spent about an hour by the pool today testing it out, and I am proud to report that Woohoo! It is lovely to listen to The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe* while laying in the sun.

In addition...!

I have been staring at the Couch-to-5k running program for about a month now. I open the site, try to pep talk myself into going for a run, and then make up some excuse not to (I just ate, it is raining, I don't feel like showering again). Recently, I ran across these podcasts, which set each week's routine to music, with a guy's voice telling you when each interval has ended. I love the idea, but I don't love the music. So... I created my own mix! I was able to string together songs with Audacity, and since I don't have a microphone to record my voice, I stuck in a bell chime sound effect at each interval and damn I am a nerd with too much time on my hands.

* Can you believe I have never read this??

Seven and Counting

2008-07-25T08:20:00.003-05:00

I had another interview on Wednesday. It was just a temporary position, from September to December, but the school is 10 minutes from my house, and the age group and position were ideal, and who knows what kind of doors a long-term sub job might open up.

The interview itself wasn't terrible, but they kept asking me about programs I don't have any experience with. And the weirdest thing that happened was that they made me write an essay! Say whaaa? They literally interviewed me and then stuck me at a desk in the teacher's lounge and asked me to write an essay about the importance of effective parent-teacher communication in an elementary school. It said "Writing Sample" at the top, and I felt like I was back in high school. And if that wasn't awkward enough, there was a huge clap of thunder and the power went out and I was sitting in a pitch black room with no windows and two more sentences to write. I looked around wide-eyed, but obviously that didn't help anything. Within 20 seconds, the generator and flood lights went on, I finished up and hightailed it out of there. Then, I got stuck at the enterance of the building because I was afraid to walk to my car though the torrential downpour (is that redundant?) for fear of getting hit by lightening. The principal who had just interviewed me kept passing by and saying, "stay as long as you like!" And I was tempted to say, "Well I'd like to stay through December..." But I settled for my nervous, "Thanks. Huh huh."

Laundry Day

2008-07-21T22:20:00.002-05:00

Today was spent doing load after load of laundry. There were actually sweaters at the bottom of that pile! It has probably been about 2 months since I have worn a sweater, so that just tells you how long it's been since I have washed clothes. Or rather, it tells you how long it has been since I washed ALL my clothes, because there have been a couple of underwear and t-shirt loads in there. No joke.

Alex keeps trying to get me to wash his clothes, and except for throwing in a couple of his t-shirts that make their way over to my side of the closet, I have refrained. I already do most of everything around the house, and I am afraid that if I do his laundry even once, I will be doing it for the rest of my life. His suggestion today was that if I catch him up on his laundry (his pile is even bigger than mine was), "we can just throw all our laundry into one hamper and we'd only have to do like one or two loads a week!" Um, "we?" I doubt that was a Royal We, but rather he meant to say "you." So no. I will not do his laundry.

In addition to washing clothes, I also did some purging. I threw out 20 pairs of shoes (14 flip-flops, 3 sneakers, 3 dress flats) and a bunch of clothes. I plan on digging even deeper, into my 2 under-bed boxes of "skinny clothes" (if you consider a size 12 skinny) and just getting rid of all of it. If I lose enough weight to get back into those clothes, I think I actually deserve to get new clothes. Also, um, I wore those clothes like 4 years ago. At this point, they probably aren't all that. If I gain any more weight, I deserve the punishment of spending money on even bigger sizes. So there, Self! HowdoyalikeTHAT! I do.

More Boring Jabber About Food

2008-07-21T12:54:00.007-05:00

Just about the only time I ever wish I lived in the city (aside from the times when I have to refuse "just one more drink" because I have to drive back to my house rather than stumble down the street) is during the summer when I find a recipe I want to try and can't just walk down to the corner market and pick up the ingredients. There is a grocery store very close to my house, but still, a trip there requires getting into an hellishly hot car, maneuvering around the ill-engineered parking lot, and fighting with the self check-out because No I did NOT place something unauthorized in the bagging area! Whining aside, I tend to do a good deal of quick, "just running in to pick up a few things" trips (which inevitably turn into "ugh, this basket is too heavy; I need to go get a cart"). I have learned that if I am working on a new recipe, I should buy more than the recipe calls for, because sometimes I can't stop cooking something until I get it right.

Remember the quest for the 2nd Best Macaroni & Cheese? I made 4 different recipes until I decided next time I'll use Martha's recipe, but with italian breadcrumbs rather than the bread cubes it calls for, and even then, it won't match my mom's. But you know, I'm only looking for the 2nd best.

Last week I made 3 different batches of Blondies. First made this recipe, which didn't rise at all. Then I made this recipe because it was the same ingredients, with the addition of baking soda and powder. Finally, I made the second recipe again, but instead of melting the butter like both recipes directed, I just let it soften on the counter. I also left them in the oven about 15 minutes past the longer suggested baking times. They came out good, but after all of that I decided I like brownies better, anyway. And really, I'd take a good water ice over either.

This morning, I made my 4th omlette in 3 days. I've been working on it since this post, and I have made a couple discoveries.

Discovery the First: Although most cooking show hosts tell you to stir the eggs a little when you first put them in the pan (before they start to solidify), I have found that leaving them alone until the bottom cooks keeps the whole thing from sticking to the bottom.
Discovery the Second: This seems like a no-brainer, but ratio of eggs to pan diameter matters. 2 eggs in my small pan (the one in which I can perfectly scramble 2 eggs) doesn't work because the omlette gets too thick and the inside stays gooky even after I lift the edges and scrape some of the raw egg to the sides. Same for 3 eggs in my 10-inch pan (though this seems to be the recommended ratio). Today I did one egg in my small pan and it was the best one I've made, though I would have liked more.
Discovery the Third: Also seems obvious, but heat is important. Too low and the thing never cooks, too high and the bottom burns. I have yet to avoid a bottom that is just a little more golden than I'd like, but today's was close.
Discovery the Fourth: A thin, tri-folded omlette is where it's at. For me, at least. I definitely prefer thin layers to a thick, folded-in-half jobbie.

So there you have it. I am no expert, but making a bunch of the same thing back to back helps me figure out where I'm going wrong and fix it.

Why don't I approach everything this in my life this way??

Drunk Post... Yes!!!

2008-07-19T23:56:00.003-05:00

BLAST it being 1am and me having too much to drink (1 bottle of wine + 1 glass of wine = 1/2 bottle and 1 glass of wine too many for Jess). I am spinning, yet not even trying to sleep, and also am downing many glasses of water and crunching on lots of ice. I like eating ice. I know it means something about me-- what of it? Currently also watching Fletch. Don't think I've ever seen it before, but right now Chevy Chase is prancing around a hospital calling himself Dr. Rosenpenis and checking out some dead guy's spleen. What is a spleen anyway? I'm sure I don't know. Also: something about smelling salts, which I have never smelled but am quite curious about. Note: Extra's white shorts entirely too short. The year 1985 NOT AN EXCUSE!

The topic of short shorts made me remember when I was in 7th grade and went to the library with my friend to work on a project. There was some guy there, camped out in the children's section where we were working, playing with himself. He played with himself under the table. He walked past us with his dong hanging out of his too-short running shorts, and he walked over to the card catalogue right next to me with his shit hanging over the top of his shorts. At the time, my friend and I were too embarassed about the whole thing to tell anyone. We instead wrote a letter about it describing the guy and dropped it on the librarian's desk. Now, I'd be all, "EWWW!! PERRRV!" I wish I had done that at the time.

I dont know what that story had to do with anything, but I am drunk. Excuse me.

Scrambled

2008-07-18T08:31:00.002-05:00

I drank an entire bottle of wine last night, and though it wasn't too early when I passed out, my eyes sprung open around 6 this morning. I still felt exhausted, but my efforts to fall back asleep did not work. When Alex came down at 9 to leave for work and I complained about this fact, he said something along the lines of, "yeah well, you do have all day."

So I made an omlette. Or rather, I made scrambled eggs with scallions and ricotta cheese. I don't actually make omlettes because I just can't seem to make it work. They stick to the pan, the bottom gets crusty, the inside doesn't cook, and no matter how many Food Network stars I watch, I cannot duplicate. Anyway, I make awsome scrambled eggs.

In other news, Alex and I inadvertantly watched two Abigail Breslin movies in two nights-- No Reservations and then Definitely, Maybe. Both movies were kinda Eh, but you know... I suppose it was to be expected.

Sometimes I wonder if my mailman gets annoyed that there is a Netflix envelope for him to take from my mailbox almost every day. I did call the post office to see if there was a collection box within walking distance to my house, but there isn't! I always imagine him hitting his stride, his bag getting lighter and lighter as he makes all his deliveries, and then he steps up to our house and rolls his eyes when he realizes he has to add something to his bag. I'll leave him something nice around Christmas.

Confessions

2008-07-16T09:55:00.003-05:00

There is a blog share going on, and although I'm not a part of it, I did read a bunch of the entries, and I guess it made me feel like I need to share something important. Below is my own non-anonymous blog share.

I like the act of teaching, but I don't like the stuff that goes with teaching. The planning, the paperwork, the observations, the attempts at parental communication... During my three years of teaching, I often wished I was an aide instead. I wanted someone to tell me what to do; I wanted to work with kids, but go home at the end of the day and have nothing work-related to do until the next morning. I often wonder if the shit that went down this year happened so that I would get out of teaching entirely.

This scares me because I don't know how to do anything else.

Since we have been together, Alex has been talking about starting his own business. He sees this (my jobless days and dead-end interviews) as the perfect opportunity to start something up. He has a good idea, and it's something I would enjoy following him into. If he said that he and his brother were going to start the business, I'd be wholly supportive and do anything I could to help. But the fact is that he still works 12-hour days, and so the start up of this whole thing is going to fall on me.

If I knew how to run a business, I'd be okay with this. I do have the time, and truthfully, I've been a little bored, and if there were an enjoyable way to be spending my time that might earn us a little money, or hell, even earn us a lot of money if we do it right, I would be totally on board. Instead, I imagine stress and panic attacks and although the start-up cost is minimal holy shit what if this doesn't work and then I also don't have a job and now we're really in the shit?

On the other hand, I don't want to ever regret not doing this. I don't want to end up in a job I'm not thrilled with and wish that we had just gone for it, but not be able to quit because we need the money.

I wonder which is worse: To go for it and fail, or to never go for it at all?

Downs and Ups

2008-07-14T16:57:00.004-05:00

This week had good points and bad points. I suppose mostly good, with a black cloud of unemployment hanging over everything.

I got one rejection letter and a bunch of nothing else after my 5 interviews. I think after my first Interview O'Sucksalot, I did much better, and I am going to blame all the dead ends on the Scarlet N (for Non-Renewal) I now wear on my lapel. I keep trying to think of an alternate plan, but can't think of anything I'd really enjoy doing, that I am qualified to do, and that would pay me as much (or as little?) as teaching. I am in love with having my summer off, but really, I'd join the ranks of the 12-month Employee if it meant I could buy a bottle of nail polish without feeling guilty.

But since I don't want to focus on the bad, I'll focus on the positive:

Alex had the whole week off, so we got to spends lots of time together.
We did make it down the shore. We left Thursday morning, and made it to the beach by 11. The sun was warm, the sea breeze was cool, and though the water was too cold...
...It warmed up enough by Saturday to enjoy some serious wave-jumping, courtesy of Bertha.
We had dinner with Alex's mom at Sonsie in AC, which was rediculously expensive, but also rediculously delicious.
We discovered that penny slots are super fun because your $20 can last you a long time, and even win you a couple hundred bucks!
I finished The Book Thief and made it 3/4 through Water for Elephants.
I snuck in another couple hours on the beach before driving home on Sunday.
It was my mom's birthday (51!) and we had dinner at my parents' house. I always find this comforting and relaxing, so even though I was itching to get back to our house, I enjoyed myself.
We cleaned the house before we left on Thursday, so when we finally did get home, it was extra nice.
There were two Netflix rentals waiting for me (Spiderwick Chronicles and No Reservations, woot!), along with my Stimulus check (which is being used to pay back my mom, who had to lend me money to pay my taxes, but whatev... debt cleared).

So there isn't much more on the agenda for this week, save driving my mom to an eye doctor appointment (which almost guarantees me lunch, too). Maybe, MAYBE, I will do something productive around the house, like work on peeling the wallpaper in the laundry room... but no promises.

AHH!

2008-07-01T14:50:00.003-05:00

Today I received 4 phone calls from potential employers. I have an interview tomorrow, 2 scheduled for next week, and one secretary who is supposed to call me to set something up, also for next week. Holy crap, people! 1) I hate interviews. 2) Alex is off next week and we were supposed to go down the shore, and what if we don't make it at all? 3) I really need a job, so I should not complain about that.

Interview 1

2008-06-25T12:20:00.003-05:00

I had my first (hopefully not last) interview today. Actually, as I was on my way out the door, another district called to "pre-screen" me for their official first round of interviews. The second the guy started asking me about my past and my reasons for leaving Past District, I got all nervous and my voice started shaking. After his call, I tried to think of a good answer for the Actual Interview I was on my way to, but I still think I fell short on that one. Other questions I think had suck-ass answers:

What do you consider your biggest triumph and your worst failure?
What was one of the suggestions on a recent evaluation?
What would you have done differently at your past job?
What do you know about APA? (At least this one is easily researched.)

Because I no longer want to dwell on these questions (today, anyway), I am going to tell you about my appearance... because I looked fabulous. I can't find the links to anything I wore, so you'll have to use your imagination.

Dress: Navy blue faux-wrap. Cotton fabric textured with tiny navy dots. Wore with a white cami, but when I am not trying to get a job, it shows just the right amount of a little too much cleavage.
Shoes: Red leather heals with a rounded toe and a skinny red leather bow. If they were a little higher, they'd be sort of pin-up style.
Accessories: the usual little diamond necklace from Alex, but also a chunky wooden bracelet, bright yellow with painted red flowers. (I had to add another color so I didn't look like I was trying to be red, white and blue.)
Bag: Light brown leather clutch.
Etc.: Nails were OPI Sweetheart (a sensible pale pink), and even my hair came out great thanks to the low humidity and my new dryer.

I almost wish employers gave positions based on appearence, because I know I looked hotter than the chick who walked out as I crossed the parking lot to go in.

Seeking

2008-06-23T20:58:00.002-05:00

So I finally sent my resumes out today, which is pretty bad considering my cover letters are dated June 8. I sent 56 of them. Plus I emailed everything to three schools. I have an interview at a really competitive district on Wednesday and am freaking out. I am still struggling to come up with a non-bullshit sounding answer for the inevitable question, "Why did you leave your former position?" I can't put the emphasis on the district's faults, but I can't put them on my own, either. And I feel that something generic like, "I am looking for a change," seems contrived and shady. Especially if I say that, and then they follow up the question with, "Did you resign or were you nonrenewed?" Then what? I can't lie. Grr. Suckage.

Anyway, tomorrow will be spent pouring more money into this job-seeking venture. Nails, brows, an outfit (last time I went through interviews, I weighed about 30 lbs less)... On top of the $60 I've spent on stationery and stamps, not having a job is costing me a lot.

P.S. Today I applied for unemployment.

*****

There was a dead chipmunk in the pool today. It was gross and I had to fish it out and throw in chemicals, and um, I threwitoverthefenceintotheneighbor'syardWhat?!

Sigh of Relief

2008-06-19T08:36:00.002-05:00

Yesterday was my last day, or hours, actually, and I spent them at the elementary school. People I hadn't seen since I was transferred kept commenting on how wonderful and "healthy" I look. That normally led them into asking if I have lost weight. Just off my shoulders, I'd reply.

It is amazing to me that I am unemployed, have no idea what is to come as far as career and income, and am still so much happier than I have been. This might change if September comes and I still am jobless and we can't pay the mortgage, but for now...

Ahhhhhhhhhh...

Several Smiling Emoticons

2008-06-17T05:09:00.001-05:00

Including today and tomorrow...

Approximately 10 hours left in district!!!!

Sales, Scrapping, Flies, Food

2008-06-16T20:35:00.005-05:00

Two guys rang my doorbell, and when I opened the door, they claimed not to be selling anything, but why don't I look at this binder that just happens to list all the replacement services they offer? Having fallen into this trap before, and consequently entertaining the gutter guard guy for approximately 2 hours despite all polite and then even direct attempts to get him out of our house, I told these guys no thank you, that we are not ready to do anything yet. And you know what the one guy did? He pointed out the cracks in our front windows! The thing is? I know the cracks are there, and yet, I am STILL telling him no. If the cracks alone were enough to convince me to spend over $30,000 to re-gutter, re-window, and re-side the entire house, I would have done it! This asshole pointing out my home's embarassing cosmetic faults won't do anything but convince me to contract someone else when we do have the money. Jerk.

*****

It's Baaa-aaaack...

Yes, my friends, Scrapbooking is going to make a comeback in my life. I have a bunch of photos sitting on my hard drive. Now, I am hoping that without my ex-job sucking the life out of me, I will be able to revisit the things I used to enjoy. Crafty things. Scrapbooking. Beading. Card-making. Just the thought of it is making the black part of my heart shrink a little and the nerdy part sing B-52s tunes. Rock Lobster, indeed.

*****

There always seems to be a fly in the house. Apparently, flies can live for about 15 days, but I like to think that the lack of shit and garbage sitting around my house (on most days) would shorten their lifespans, and that it's not always the same fly. Plus there are always little fly corpses on the (cracked) window sill.

I don't normally try to kill the flies, because I'm not very good at it. I don't like to smash them against walls because I don't want to clean up their guts, and I really don't have the coordination for the mid-air swat.

Anyway, I was excited to trap a fly earlier when it landed on a candle and I covered the jar with the fly swatter. I walked the little cage over to the door, moved the swatter, and... the fly wouldn't fly! It just kept walking around in circles on the wax. I had to shake the candle several times before eventually turning it upside down and smacking it. It finally disappeared, but when I walked back in, there was a fly chilling on the TV screen. Suspicious, don't you think?

IMPORTANT FLY UPDATE: Just minutes after publishing this post, I heard a buzzing sound on the table next to me. Careful examination of the crime scene left me zooming in high def on a fly chilling inside my bag of Sour Patch Kids. A true flyitarian, I quickly grabbed the top of the bag, crumpled it up so the fly was stuck inside, and ran it to the trashcan. I like to think it's how Mrs. Miagi would have done it.

*****

And just what you want to read about following flies...

Tonight's Delicious Dinner: Cheesy Garlicky Super Tasty Risotto

2 cans low fat, low sodium chicken broth
2 tsp. jarred minced garlic (I suppose you could use fresh, but I am lazy)
1 cup arborio rice
chives
dried parsley (fresh would have been better, but I have none)
a couple handfulls of mozzarella cheese (I would have liked to add some grated parm, too, but am out)
kernels from 2 ears of leftover grilled corn (or you could use frozen)
S & P

*Note: I did not cook this the way you are supposed to cook risotto, and it still came out great. So there.

Pour broth into skillet and heat until steamy. Add garlic and cook about 1 minute. Add rice and corn. Cook uncovered for 15-20 minutes, stirring occasionally. Turn off heat. Add cheese and parsley. Use kitchen shears to snip chives over the skillet. Stir it all together until the cheese melts in and it looks all creamy and delish. Salt and pepper to taste. If you are feeling daring, add a few tablespoons of butter to finish it off. I did.

Phew

2008-06-13T15:46:00.002-05:00

I worked up the courage today to go to my old building and ask the principal if it would be "unwise" of me to list him as a reference when I send out my resumes this weekend. I was particularly nervous, because as I was making the rounds when I first got there, he caught me in the hall and asked me suspiciously where the kids' report card files are, as if I spitefully deleted all student records from the computer when I left. I informed him that it should be on the server just like it has been since September, and that perhaps the new teacher is just unfamiliar with the systems. I kinda gave him a little attitude, so I was relieved when he told me that it would not be unwise to list him, and that he appreciates all I did for the district, and that he knows it was a tough year, and that he will even (if anyone asks) say that I left because I "wanted a change." How cool is that? Now I feel much more confidant about sending out all my stuff and being able to walk with my chin up into an interview.

Everything but the Boards...

2008-06-13T05:17:00.003-05:00

... refers to what Alex and I ate on the boardwalk yesterday.

I took my last personal day, and he has off on Thursdays anyway but his golf partner cancelled, and so we decided to drive down to Ocean City for a few hours.

It was an awesome day that included lots of eating. We started at Mack and Manco's Pizza, shared a vanilla-orange cone at Kohr's Bros., and came home with fudge from The Original Fudge Kitchen, salt water taffy from Shriver's (p.s. it was totally fun to choose all our flavors from the mix'n'match bins so we didn't end up with any of those pesky molasses pieces), and a large bucket of caramel popcorn from Johnson's. We played mini golf at Congo Falls, and 10¢ skee ball at Jilly's Arcade. We also bought these magnets, but were charged $3.99 a piece.

The weather was perfect-- sunny and warm with a side of sea breeze.

Now tell me you're not jealous?

I Know I'm Not the Only Complainer

2008-06-10T21:29:00.003-05:00

My classroom thermometer only has numbers up to 90, but it was way hotter than that, and I am pretty sure that if it got any hotter, the red liquid inside (what is that stuff, anyway?) would have busted through the top, a la a Loony Toon with a fever. The hallway was slightly cooler, and walking past any open classroom door was like walking through dragon breath. A lot of un-A/C'd schools had half days today, but not us. Learning! Is too! Important! So they put on Happy Feet in the air contitioned auditorium and we sat in there.

*****

Ha! Pee-wee's Big Adventure is on HBOFE (whateverthatis) right now. Dude certainly lubs his bike... Lala lalaa!

Gossissippi

2008-06-09T05:30:00.002-05:00

Psst! I have some hot gossip that I have to share here because I don't have any friends at my new job who would appreciate this...

A's brother M (who is short-term working for A until he takes the Bar) negotiated a deal with a girl's dad (the girl was there) last week, and M, as always, wrote his cell number on his biz card. The girl thought she was being picked up, and so she called him and they went out on a date last night. This would be a cute story except that he is 28 and she is 19, and at first I was all judgemental about the fact that he was taking advantage of a young (but legal) girl in order to fill his 7-months-since-the-big-breakup void. Then I met the girl when they post-dinner'd at our house and she was

chugging beers like only someone underage would do on a Sunday night. (At the end of the evening, we actually served her a frozen lemon-lime gatorade and told her it was a margarita! HA!)
dumb. (There was an entire hilarious exchange when she was asking about the rules of Washers about whether it's better to get it in the Box or get it in the Can, and it totally went over her head.)

They disappeared into our house for about 30 minutes, and although I don't think M sealed the deal, I am sure he at least got a little rubbing.

*****

On a related note, does your man share gossip with you? I always feel like I have to force stuff out of Alex because he still holds such Secret Loyalty for his brother. Then, once he spills it, he gets all nervous that I will slip that I know, and tells me like a hundred times not to say anything about it to anyone. I know guys don't gossip like girls do, but I thought that it was a Girlfriend Privilege to get the news.

Every Morning

2008-06-03T05:14:00.003-05:00

I have been showering at night for the past few months because I like to wake up in the morning and slowly become conscious, rather than forcing the life out of myself under some water. My routine before actually getting ready has become Dog Out, Feed Dog, Make Coffee, Check Email, Blog Sometimes. Because my computer sits by a street-facing window, I have noticed some neighbors' routines as well.

Howard goes for a walk between 6 and 6:04. He uses an old set of radio headphones, and I imagine him listening to a jitterbug station, if there is such a thing around here.
Brunette lady walks her dogs. She has the black lab on a leash, and an old golden lab limps dutifully behind them, off leash. This makes me sad, because it makes me think about looking out the window some day and only seeing the lady with the black lab.
The kid across the street warms up his car, even when it's not cold out. It is obnoxiously pimped out and loud and everyday I count down to 6:16, when he drives away and my windows stop rattling.

I wonder if there is another neighbor who notices me? 7:10: Girl throws heavy tote bag and self into car, drives off to hateful district, counts down days to summer vacation: 15.

*****

So the pool is finally filled. The filter is not running, all the cracks have been sealed, and yet we still lost about an inch of water between last night and this morning. What the eff is going on with this thing???

Day Off

2008-05-28T07:37:00.003-05:00

Ahhhh... You may be wondering why I'm blogging at 8:30 a.m. on a Wednesday that does not happen to be any kind of federal holiday. Or you may not really give a shit, but whatever.

I am home because I have taken the first of my 2 remaining personal days to go to the spa. Yes! I am just that posh. Um, and also, I have a gift certificate. This is coming at just the right time-- as the name of the package says, a "perfect refresher:" nails, toes, facial, a "light lunch" and a hairdo. I went ahead and scheduled a cut, color, and brow-waxing while I'm at it, and will actually be in the salon for about 5 hours today. I am expecting to step out of the place looking quite glamorous. Or at least not like the mess I have been looking like.

*****

We didn't exactly stay on top of keeping the pool clean toward the end of last summer. I called way late for an appointment to get it closed, and by the time they came, the trees were already shedding. There was a leak somewhere in the pool, and I was tired of going out and filling it up every day in order to run the filter, and oh yeah, there was this little incident with a $900 water bill. In short, I was tired of the damn thing, and let it get all green and nasty before the cover even went on.

Fast forward to last week, when we spend days pumping the cover, only to learn that it had a rip, and as much water as went through the pump, most of it actually came from the pool. When we finally took the cover off, the pool was only about half full and the water was smelly and murky and we decided to just drain and clean the whole thing. That ended up taking days as well, due to a broken pump, and the fact that the leaves and goddamn brown spikey ball things and whirlybirds kept clogging up the lines.

It is finally empty now, and my dad is coming over after work today to finish cleaning it out. P.S. He is the one doing most of this work, and when I said we spent days working on this, I really mean he did. Any suggestions for thank-you gifts? We owe him a lot.

Anyway, I have several calls in to pool places to come out and give us estimates to repair the cement and paint the whole thing. I have a feeling that by the time all of this happens, we will be close to, if not into July. Thank goodness for our A/C... knockonwood.

Falling Into Place

2008-05-22T05:21:00.002-05:00

I am such a nerd that I turned last night's American Idol results into an impromptu lesson about percentages and ratios, which my 6th graders are currently studying. I am sure this was done more for me than them, as I can practically hear their voices now: Awww! Cool! American Idol! Wait, you want us to do MATH?! This is so stOOpid." My internal monologue was more like: David Cook won by 12 million votes? Hmm... I wonder what percent that is of the total number of voters...?

Although this whole situation has been shitty, and I think that I am still a little too corny for 6th graders, I'm not scared of them like I used to be. I feel slightly more comfortable with the material than I did a week ago. (Though I will admit to studying up on the math the night before a lesson because the first couple days left me staring blankly at the board not knowing how to do anything, hence I said things like, "StudentA, why don't you show the class how to solve this problem?") Less fear means more job options, so if I can find a middle school position in a good district, I'll take that now, too.

*****

I am a little nervous today because I have to meet with a former student's mom (she wants him retained because of his lack of maturity), and Boss Lady will be in on the meeting. Although she works in the same building, I have spent the last week perfecting the game of Ways to Get Places Without Passing Her Office (mostly by travelling on the second and third floor and in stairwells, similar to how a rat might sneak around an office building during the day). This will be the first time I have seen her since things went down last week and since I received her Letter. I also don't know what they told my old students' parents about the reason for the switch so late in the year. Did they even give a reason? If the mom asks me, I'm not sure how I'll answer.

I've Been Told

2008-05-21T05:32:00.003-05:00

I received that reprimanding letter yesterday. Parts of it were hurtful, and parts of it were inaccurate, and the majority of it was extremely hypocritical. My original post included the retyped letter along with my commentary negating each sentence. Then I got all scared that it would somehow be found, and that it would come back to bite me in the ass, just as everything this year has seemed to do, and I decided to just save it as a Draft and let it go. My union guy is going in today to see if he can A) Get them to let me submit a letter of reassignment to override my non-renewal, and B) Get the letter of reprimand out of my file. He's an inexperienced guy, and though I know he will do his best, I'm doubtful. Because of the way things were handled, I could go through the grievance process, and probably get my job back (which I don't want), but I don't really have a legal leg to stand on for those other two requests. Even the union guy was annoyed when I told him that I don't want to grieve this. He said I am setting a poor precedent for anyone who follows me in a similar situation who may want his or her job back. But I am going to let that person burn the path.

Yesterday I was feeling sad and depressed and angry and sorry for myself and hopeless about my future. Today I am just feeling a little sad, and like somehow there is a weight that has been lifted. I'm not sure what that weight is... I still don't know what the outcome of this afternoon's meeting will be, and so most likely I will still be leaving this district on their terms, not mine, and with libelous information in my file. But whatever...

28 days left in district
19 school days

In Which I Go On and On About Camis

2008-05-20T05:23:00.003-05:00

Several years ago I bought 2 Gap Perfect Camis and an Old Navy Favorite Cami. They have truely been my perfect favorites since. However, due to their frequency of wear, they have become dingy, and I am going to blame their current snugness on the fact that they have been through so many washings, not that I have gained about 25lbs since I purchased them.

Anyway, it is time to replace them, and I am having an aweful time. Camis I find now tend to have straps that are too skinny to hide my bra, an attached shelf bra is redundant and disfiguring since I never go braless, and often times they are cut too low to help much when part of the reason I wear them is to keep The Girls off display at work.

I don't want something ribbed because that tends to look out of place under a dress shirt or sweater. I don't want something too close-fitting, because I rely on the extra layer to smooth my look a little. I don't want anything too short, because occasionally I need an extra inch or so under my shirt to cover up my gut.

Do you have any suggestions? Where can I get the perfect cami, even if it is not the Perfect Cami?

Productive

2008-05-19T05:26:00.002-05:00

This weekend was a mishmash of drama and extreme laziness and actual construct...ivity(?) and luckily it was busy enough to, for a few moments anyway, take my mind off the hemorrhoid that is My Job.

The drama part began with a phone call at 6 a.m. on Saturday from my brother. He had been in a car accident on the way back from Atlantic City. His friend had fallen asleep at the wheel, the car was totaled, and because of where my brother was sitting, he endured the brunt of the crash. Thank goodness that only added up to 3 staples in his head, some whiplash, and a bunch of cuts and bruises, because from the sound of things, it could have been waaaaay worse.

So I drove the hour from my house to a hospital near AC (they hadn't made it very far) and played the part of the Good Sister, promising not to tell Mom and Dad before he did, and then screaming at him for spending 6 safe months in Iraq-- a war zone, and then coming back to New Jersey and almost killing himself. Idiot.

P.S. The most entertaining part of this whole thing was when his roommate, D, had to push their female friend, A, unscathed, sporting a hospital gown and disconnecting false eyelashes, out of the hospital in a wheelchair because she was still too drunk to walk.

When I finally returned home, 4 hours later, I slept for another 2 hours and then went to my parents' house so my mom could help me with my resume. I scored a free Omaha Steaks cheeseburger and made my way to Kelly's, where Coconut had a chance to play with her new puppy. It made me reconsider a second dog, because she had so much fun, got out so much energy, and I didn't really have to be a part of it. Then again, I would have to be a part of buying twice as much dog food, giving twice as many baths, and cleaning up twice as many "accidents." So the jury is still out on that one.

On Sunday, Alex and I worked more on the garage. This seems to be a never-ending project, as we have spend many Sundays out there, and still do not have a beautiful, HGTV worthy organized storage space. Perhaps the biggest accomplishment of the day was when we brought our bags and bags and bags (I'm not exaggerating-- there were about 20) of old clothing to the clothing drop dumpsters in the grocery store parking lot.

Ethical Question for Y'all: If you are absolutely too lazy/busy/saddled down with the loads of laundry containing clothes you are currently wearing, do you:
A. Donate bags of dirty clothes, unsensored for worn underwear, in the hopes that someone else might decide to wash them and some less fortunate people will be able to purchase your expensive, designer-but-too-small-clothing?
B. Throw everything away because otherwise someone would have to dig through your clothes, and will inevitably touch a pair of your dirty underwear, and that's just unsanitary?

Alex insisted on A. I want to state for the record that my bags of clothes were clean and contained not a pair of underwear, dirty or otherwise.

After the donation, we went grocery shopping, and I purchased the ingredients for The Last Macaroni and Cheese I am Attempting, I Swear. If this doesn't work, I am spending the rest of my life with Kraft and Mom's (when she makes it and I happen to be around).

Stay tuned-- I'll let you know how it goes.

2008-05-16T20:19:00.002-05:00

I didn't want to get the union involved, but I had to. I have made it clear that I do not want to fight for my job. My main objective (Teacher Will Be Able To...) is to get out of there with as little damage to my reputation as possible.

Really, I'm tired of thinking and talking about this, but at the same time, I can't get it off my mind, and so it seems always to be the most natural thing to bring up in conversation. I am being constantly approached at work by people who, meaning to be supportive, want to know how I'm doing, how my week went, their thoughts on what kind of "raw deal," I got, or how the way in which I was, "screwed over is unbelievable." It's nice of them to show concern, and sometimes they do say things that make me feel slightly better ("J is wonderful, but she is having a very tough time over there."), but really? I just want it to be over.

So for now, let's move on to more cheerful topics.

*****

Family

My little brother made it home safely from Iraq yesterday morning! I saw him last night, and I have decided that from now on, I am going to make more of an effort to hang out with him. He has served his 4 years, and is going to start looking for another job, so it's not really the whole safety issue anymore-- it's just that we're older now, and so the years between us don't seem so significant.

*****

Food
Ahhh, perhaps my favorite topic of all...

I have never really been much into Indian food. I think this is mostly because I never ate it while growing up, and then in college I was turned off by the smell of it being cooked a couple doors down in my dorm. This past December, we randomly decided to spend our Jewish Christmas* in an Indian restaurant instead of a Chinese one.

I was pleasantly surpised, and ever since then I go through periods of craving. The problem is, there really aren't any good Indian delivery or take-out, or even dine-in restaurants in the immediate area.

I have found the answer in the Tandoor Chef. Tonight I had the Tandoori Naan with the Paneer Tikka Masala over some microwave-in-pouch basmati rice. I know I'm no expert, but the whole thing took 5 minutes to heat and plate, and it beat the shit out of a Hungry Man dinner. The Naan took about 3 minutes in a 400 degree oven, and came out steamy and tender, and it was the perfect scoop for the masala, which was flavorful and rich. I am stuffed after eating just half of everything, but I keep eyeing the leftovers, unsure of whether I can wait until another meal time to finish them up.

* I say this, however my Christmas was actually spent with Alex's family, which is not Jewish. They do the Christmas Day ethnic food thing anyway. The family dinner is Christmas Eve with his mom.

*****

TV

I don't know what I've been doing lately that's been keeping me so busy, but I have about 2 weeks worth of shows DVR'd. Since I arrived home at 2:45 today, I have watched Top Model, Grey's Anatomy, 2 episodes of Lost, American Idol, and now I'm watching SVU. All this was viewed around the 2 hour nap I took.

*****

Books

I just finished Remember Me? by Sophie Kinsella, which was a nice, mindless and cheery way to distract myself. I have ordered Julie & Julia from the library, and will pick it up when I drop this one off. Which, by the way, I am having issues doing. My new (but not so new anymore since it's been a year since we moved in!) town is sort of city-like where it's not full of suburban neighborhoods, and so the library is on a street with parallel parking. There is a lot behind the library, but then you are forced to walk half way around the block to get to the door once you have parked. All of this, combined with my incredible laziness, has been preventing me from a speeding turn-around rate.

*****

TheBoy

I know I said I wasn't going to talk anymore about all the work drama, but this is really about Alex's reaction to said drama. He has never much seemed like the night-in-shining-armor type. He is usally laid back about everything, and will try to solve any concerns by telling me, "just don't worry about it." But since all of this shitty stuff happened on Monday, he has really stepped up to the plate. He has suddenly taken on this protective air, ranting about contacting the union and getting legal advice and conspiring with friends about how to best "make that asshole regret what he's done." I have never much been into the macho type, but I have to say I'm kinda liking this.

And the Shit Just Keeps Piling On

2008-05-13T22:02:00.003-05:00

I have been given a "courtesy call" to let me know I'll be receiving a letter of repremand for taking all my stuff, because it was "insensitive" to the children.

My response was that had I 3 days to think it over before the switch was made, I perhaps would have been able to make a more rational decision. However, in the shock and adrenaline of the situation, I felt like Flight With My Stuff had to be the survival technique I used.

And I still feel that taking away a teacher 8 months into the year is far more insensitive than me taking my stuff.

No matter.

Administrators have also been told that they are not to give me a positive recommendation or help me find a new job, or they will also receive letters of repremand from the sup't.

He wants me to bring back everything I took home with me so that he can "inspect" it and make sure I didn't steal anything that belonged to the school.

I am not a thief. I was very careful about what I took and what I left behind. Perhaps he didn't realize all of the hundreds of dollars I invested into making that classroom work. I am not bringing my belongings back. What I may do instead, look through the pile that now takes up a quarter of my garage floor, create an itemized list of where I purchased everything, and their costs.

Not that it's going to change things.

I do believe everything happens for a reason, but right now the only Reason I can see is that I am never supposed to get hired in another district again.

24 more days.

Day One... Again

2008-05-13T15:03:00.002-05:00

One of the standard issues of an undergraduate education in education is a book called The First Days of School. It discusses things like rule-making, classroom layout, grade-keeping, and effective parent-teacher communication.

I would like Harry Wong to write a sequel, and title it, The First Days of School at the End of the Year in a New School with Another Teacher's Rules and Feng Shui and Rollbooks and Parent Call Logs and Students Who are Upset About Losing Their Teacher. And then perhaps he can write a sequel to that, called How to Get the Most Out of Teaching by Putting In the Least Effort Because You Refuse to Give that District One More Fucking Second of Your "Off-Clock" Time.

Today was weird.

It felt like the first day of high school, except worse because none of my middle school friends were there with me, and I had no one to eat lunch with so I just sat in my classroom and looked through 6th grade math that is way over my head.

The other teacher (initial J) left amazing plans. Everything was totally organized, laid out neatly on the desk, and some things were even prepared and copied to take me to the end of the year. It made me feel guilty that in my spite toward the district ("I am not leaving anything here that I purchased with my own money or created with my own brain because fuck them if they think they are going to bring in another teacher to use all of my hard work and everything will be all better."), I kind of screwed a fellow teacher as well.

Sources say that J understood, and said that she probably would have done the same thing if she was placed in the same situation. Which she was not, because she will have her old job back next year, and she was told Thursday that this would be happening. I was told yesterday at 2:30, approximately 18 minutes before the students were to leave, and 45 minutes before my contractual day was over (and like I said, fuck them if they think I am giving them any extra time), and therefore did not have enough time to think it over and take The High Road and decide to leave my shit until the end of the year.

J was told to just do what she needs to do to get through to the end of the year. I can't help but wonder what the year would have been like if I had been told the same. Actually, I was told the same. I was told to forget about their academics until their behaviors were under control, and so I introduced the "concerning" activitiy of Silly Putty, and was given a negative observation. I wonder if J will try to teach, or just make it fun until the middle of June.

I am still trying to see the positives.

When I got home today, I wasn't tired of hearing my own voice.
I was not so worn out that I needed a two-hour nap.
I can wear skirts.
I don't have to remind anyone to blow their noses.
I have SmartBoards in all my classrooms.
The last 90 minutes of my day are student-free, so there is plenty of time to plan for the next day.
It is no longer appropriate to eat while teaching (edible incentives/reinforcers often = "one for you, two for me" reaction), so maybe I'll drop some pounds.
I can leave 15 minutes earlier.

That's all I can think of for now. Maybe more will arise. Maybe they won't. Like I said, it's only 25 days.

So...

2008-05-12T16:23:00.002-05:00

Despite all the detail I've provided about certain aspects of my job and the possible pending non-renewal, the true disfunction within the class-->school-->district has always seemed too overwhelming to discuss. I'm not a talented enough writer to describe what's been going on in a way that truely conveys how awful this year has been for me, so for the most part, I've tried to just discuss the generic parts. The Kid-Bits, the things that made me laugh, the minor, day-to-day annoyances.

Well I'm pretty sure that what happened today will get across the rediculousness of that place.

I guess the proper way to say it would be, "my contract for the 2008-2009 school year has not been renewed." But it was so much more than that. Because instead of just a non-renewal, I have also been replaced. I was told that there needed to be immediate change because of the events that have been taking place with one student, and that I am to continue the last 25 days of my contract at the district middle school as a 6th grade in-class support teacher.

And it was not just me. My aide received similar news about not being re-hired, but in addition, today was to be her last day. Period. They are going to pay her until June, but she is not to return to work.

I am not stupid enough to think they will never find anyone anyone as good as me. I know I am a good teacher, but I also know that there are plenty of other teachers out there who are also good or great or who have more experience with behavioral kids.

I guess my stupidity is shown in the fact that I never thought anything immediate would be done. I didn't think that a group of administrators would make the decision to pull two staff members two months before the end of school from a group of boys with abandonment issues, because that would be insane. I didn't think anyone would find it more sensical to get rid of a teacher and an aide rather than a boy with severe psychological disfunction that cannot be handled in a public school no matter who you stick in there or how many incentives you offer him, because that does NOT make sense. And Jesus Christ, I did not think they would tell me all this at 2:30 on a Monday and expect me to be gone the next day.

I know my last 25 days, despite the learning curve, will be far easier than my last 155 have been.

But I don't think it will be easier for the boys.

Not So Easy Mac

2008-05-06T19:54:00.002-05:00

Tonight I continued my quest for the Second Best Baked Macaroni and Cheese by making Alton Brown's recipe. So far, it has been the best that I've tried, but still not quite what I'm looking for. To be fair, I didn't have all of the ingredients. I didn't have the powdered mustard, so I used a mixture of yellow and dijon. I didn't have paprika, so I used a seasoning salt mixture that had paprika in it. I didn't have panko bread crumbs, so I used Italian. Also, I had a little issue tempering the egg, in that I don't think I did it right; after I stirred the cheese into the sauce, I discovered skinny little ribbons of cooked egg throughout. This could have caused the lack of creaminess that I have been searching for.

I think I will try this recipe again, but with all the correct ingredients, and maaaaybe I will strain out the onions before I add the cheese, as I wasn't the fan of their texture in the final product.

Birds and Macaroni

2008-04-28T18:41:00.002-05:00

Birds seem to be a recurring theme in my life, and I think that's because I don't like them. Most recently, my dad noticed that a goldfinch kept flying in and out of an empty pitcher-shaped planter in the back yard. Upon discovering that a nest had been built inside, he convinced me, against my better judgement, to look. I expressed my concerns about the bird being inside, and he told me, and I quote, "It's not in there-- I just looked in there and I didn't see it."

So I, too, looked in the planter. I saw the nest. I did not see the bird...

I heard it first: the deafening WOOSH! WOOSH! WOOSH!!! of its wings, and the ca-CAW! ca-CAW! ca-CAW!!! as it seemed to be saying, "I'll peck your eyes out, bitch! That'll teach YOU to look in my house!!"

So what if my dad claims that it made no noises whatsoever as it flew out, in the direction of the sky, not my eyes? I know what I heard, damn it!

*****

My mom has always made the most delish baked macaroni and cheese, and though I have watched/helped her many times, and she has talked me through it on the phone, and written it down for me, well, it never comes out quite right for me. I have thus began the Great Search for the Second Most Delicious Macaroni and Cheese.

So far I have tried:

this recipe by Giada. Outcome: Meh. Fontina cheese was way expensive, so I ended up subbing sharp cheddar, and maybe that's why it was only Okay. Alex thought it tasted more like an alfredo than a mac and cheese. Two days later, she made the recipe on her show, and he drooled over how delicious it looked, not realizing it was the same one I had already made. Me: That's the one I just made. Him: Yeah, but hers looks GOOD.
this recipe by Paula Deen. Outcome: Also meh. It tasted okay, but the eggs gave it a funny texture. It wasn't firm enough to be quichy, but it wasn't creamy enough to be a mac and cheese, either.

Do you have an amazing m&c recipe? A secret ingredient? A special technique? Please share!

*****

Kid-Bit

I took my class to the circus last week. Aside from being more fascinated by things like, "why are there so many black and brown people here?" than the actual circus, and aside from a couple of them not even having an attention span long enough to watch 20 things going on at once and changing themes every 4 minutes, it went pretty well.

Quote of the day:

ChowDownKid: Oooohhh! A HORSE!!!

Me: ChowDownKid, that's an elephant.

CDK: ... a real one?

Shiny

2008-04-09T16:40:00.002-05:00

It is so beautiful outside, and I know that's an obvious statement to make, but seriously I can't ignore it. I used one of my Leave Early passes today to get the hell home, and you'd think I'd be spending this time outside instead of blogging, but... actually. I can be outside blogging. Be right back.

Okay, so maybe this is not instant messaging, and there was no lag between the time you read that last paragraph and this one, but whatever. The point is, I filled a water bottle and brought my laptop outside, and I am now sitting on my patio enjoying the sun.

*****

On Sunday, Alex and I worked on cleaning out and organizing the monstrosity that was our garage. We didn't get it all finished, but we made a lot of progress. We got rid of a lot, and once we get some shelves, the actual organizing part should go pretty smoothly. Also, there is a sort-of attic over our garage in which we found a previous owner's Playboy videos. Score!

*****

What might one do when a shot glass mysteriously falls into the kitchen sink drain and then gets chopped up by the garbage disposal? I can tell you what I did, which was to reach in gently with my yellow rubber gloved hand and pull out the big pieces. I am hoping the baby shards will just work their way down into the pipes...

*****

Kid-Bit

ChowDownKid: Is that bottle glass or plastic?
TA: Plastic.
CDKid (who is 7): Oh. I thought it was glass. It looks like a forty.

I'm a Rambling Girl

2008-04-09T05:46:00.003-05:00

I'm counting down to summer, not only because I'll be rid of my class, but also because Alex has agreed to bankroll me for the two months I'm not getting paid. So I will officially have two glorious months OFF. No part-time gigs with low pay and weird hours or nice pay but more kids and Icannotwait. Alex is lobbying for a Laundry Clause, wherein I do his laundry due to the fact that he is supporting me, but I think that since I do have some summer savings, and he will only be supplementing about 1/3 of my income, that perhaps I will only do 1/3 of his laundry. In fact, I think I will do the third that we both use, like towels and sheets, which I do now anyway. I swear, if I didn't wash them, we'd still be using the same dirty towels from the day we moved into this joint 11 months ago.

And speaking of moving in, something we never did when we planted ourselves here was Put Things Away in an Organized Manner. The garage has been so packed with stuff that it might as well be a storage locker. Imagine that commercial where the car pulls in to the perfectly carved out space in an overcrowded garage, except ours is worse because no car would fit.

So on Sunday, we got a-cleanin, and I am impressed with our progress. I of course went through about an hour when all I did was snap at Alex because cleaning puts me in the worst mood ever, and then he snaps back at me about "why are you yelling? this was YOUR idea!" and then I feel guilty and shuddup until I can see actual progress and become remotivated. Really, the high point of the day was crawling around in the attic space above the garage and discovering a couple of early 90s Playboy videos, but I also enjoyed actually being able to see the floor when we were done.

Sidenote: Does your boyfriend have scads of rediculous things that he refuses to throw away because he thinks his stuff is awesome? I'm talking really not-awesome stuff, like Bart Simpson dolls and naked girl rubix cubes and picture frame clocks that feature a photo of Ex Girlfriend and 8,297 novelty lighters... Just wondering.

I thought I'd be rambling about a lot more stuff, but it seems that I must be off to work now. It should be a decent day because I will be spending it out of my classroom, writing IEPs for next year. I wish I could get some kind of internet service aside from that supplied by my district, because I would SO bring my own laptop and spend the day wasting time. I guess that's why I can't.

If I suddenly disappear...

2008-04-03T16:57:00.001-05:00

... ask around at work.

Silver Lining?

2008-04-02T18:53:00.003-05:00

There is a tiny bit of good news, and that is the fact that one of my students, a newer one who should have never been placed in my class because it only made him (and the rest of my class) worse being around other crazies, has moved. Also, and I know this is mean because I should love all my students, but... well he got on my nerves something awful. His voice, the way he whined everything he said, caused problems and then played the victim, copied every other bad behavior he saw, and made me look like an incompetant ass by behaving like an angel for his reading teacher... *Shudder* But yeah, he's gone, and BaneOfMyExistanceKid* has been out for quite awhile at a special program for crazy kids, and he should be gone for at least another 4-6 weeks, AND when he comes back, there is a good chance he will be medicated.

So for now, I have the original 6 I started off with back in September when I liked my class. There is still one (BiPolarKid, see * below) who I consider "in crisis," because he has become so unpredictable since his parents got divorced and his dad moved out. However, he is much more manageable without the other two to goad on.

I am hoping this is a silver lining that will help me get through the motions between now and June.

Also, is it too... I don't know... princess-y of me to be trying to convince Alex, who is not my husband, to supplement my summer savings so I don't have to work again until September?

* I made a mistake in that linked post. BoMEKid is not actually TBD2, as he did not start the year in my class. We will from now on call TBD2 BiPolarKid. This is not an actual diagnosis, just an observation.

Spring Break: Not the Typical Drunken Fiasco

2008-03-27T17:12:00.004-05:00

I have wasted most of my spring break laying around watching things OnDemand because the shows that I usually watch are either in reruns or I'm all caught up. Celebrity Fit Club and John Adams are the two most recent additions to my List of Shame. Well, actually, I will put John on a different list, because that's not so shameful... but the fact that I have added any more "Celebreality" to my repertoire is frightening.

*****

Also today, I decided to take care of me. I've been looking atrocious, and so I decided to get my overgrown brows, chewed down fingernubs, and leather-bottomed feet taken care of. Let me tell you: Never underestimate the power of vanity to make such an improvement in the way you feel. My brows are now nice and tame, which somehow makes the huge zit on my cheek less obvious; my feet are nice and smooth (and if it were just slightly warmer out, I'd bust out my Box o' Flops, which I've been eyeballing every day since the First Day of Spring), and my toe and fingernails match in a bright, lovely shade of Tropical Punch. If only I hadn't spent all my money on this endeavor, I would treat myself to a night on the town.

*****

Alex has been bringing his lunch and dinner to work with him, and since I admire his money-saving attempts, I have been trying to cook real dinners more often so that he can bring the leftovers the following day. And by "trying," I mean I have done it once so far.

What kind of easy things do you cook that would reheat well the next day?

Cooking and Dog Stuff

2008-03-10T19:45:00.005-05:00

It's no secret that I'm not the best chef. What's really frustrating about it is the fact that I almost always follow a recipe, and things still don't come out great. Sometimes I try to make things without recipes, but that almost always turns out disasterous. But I'm proud of the dinner I made myself tonight. Alex isn't home, so I decided to cook some shrimp. Easy as pie, and totally yummy. Behold:

1/4 lb. linguini

1/2 lb. shrimp

S & P to taste

flour (I used Wegman's Pan Searing Flour- it's just flour with sea salt and white pepper)

oil (I used Wegman's Basting Oil-- it has garlic, thyme, and parsley in it)

1 chopped shallot

minced garlic

a little butter

a little cream

Salt and pepper the shrimp. Toss in flour. Heat oil in pan. Sear shrimp on both sides; remove from pan. Add shallot and garlic, and cook until soft. Add butter and cream. Bring to a simmer for a few minutes. Pour over shrimp and linguini, and mix it all up. Sprinkle with grated parm.

The whole thing probably would have been totally bland if not for the preseasoned oil and flour, but I'll take the help where I can get it. Just knowing what spices to add to what dishes seems to be most of my problem.

Who knows? Maybe this shitty job situation will make me a really good cook! MAYBE I will decide to ditch teaching all together and go to culinary school! Or MAYBE I will still eat more ramen noodles or boxed macaroni and cheese than anything else.

*****

Coconut seems to have developed an obsession with the computer cursor. As I sit here writing this, here is what she is doing:

If I shift my body, she walks around me to the other side. If I sit so the computer screen is facing away from her, she peeks her head around the side. She is relentless, and it drives me crazy! I can't even get away from it if I sit with the computer at the desk, because she jumps up the side of my leg.

At least she doesn't beg for food...

The Short of It

2008-03-08T17:48:00.003-05:00

At my post-observation meeting yesterday, my VP said (and these are not his exact words, but rather, how it translated in my head), "If you are a teacher trying to get tenure, and you're going to the administration for help, the administration will just think, 'instead of giving her tenure, why don't we just hire someone else who already knows what to do?'"

So I guess I dug my own grave, in asking for help and all. This wasn't any kind of official meeting about next year, but I'm taking the hint and writing up my resume over spring break. I'm having my mom ask her own superintendent if it will look better to potential districts if I have resigned or if I am non-renewed, and also, how to answer the inevitable Interview Question, "Why did you decide to leave X City?"

Something tells me, "I am fucking burnt out from those kids and that district," wouldn't be appropriate.

I woke up this morning feeling all depressed, and decided that rather than sit around alone and mope all day, I'd go to my parents' house. My mom brought me coffee in my favorite Winnie the Pooh coffee cup, and my dad my dad came home from errand-running with what was perhaps the Sweetest Gesture Ever: sushi and a stuffed monkey.

I love living with Alex, but sometimes it is just so nice being Home.

Hoping for a Metamorphosis

2008-03-06T06:20:00.004-05:00

In keeping with a drunken theme... I can't sleep soundly anymore if I don't drink before I go to bed. This is not to say I'm drinking every night before bed. Mostly, it's just to say I haven't really been sleeping. Also, I seem to have crossed over into that place where my stomach is so filled with butterflies all the time, there is no room for food.

I received my third and final formal observation last week. The VP came in during a time when my schedule said, "Breakfast and Morning Meeting." The previous week, my special ed director told me to reduce academics until behaviors were under control. So when he came in, instead of doing/crumpling up/ripping in half the usual math papers that I had always left on my students' desks each morning, my class was playing with silly putty while waiting for their breakfast. Silly putty, people. At the time, I thought I was providing them with a soothing morning activity. This is especially true for some of the students with sensory issues. The kids weren't great, but they weren't as bad as they would have been with work in front of them. Well, I guess looking back I can see how ridiculous this is.

The observation notes my lack of adequate, time-aware planning, my "concerning" morning activity, and my disregard for individual student needs. There is more, but those are the highlights. I have not had my post-observation meeting with him yet, and so all of this keeps going around and around in my head. I want him to know my reasons for doing what I was doing at the time, but I don't want to sound like I'm defensive. And the same time, I really want to give him the finger and tell him where to put his fucking observation.

Anyway, during spring break, I'm going to start putting an updated resume together. This is not to say I won't get my job back for next year (though I am very uncertain), but truthfully, I don't think I want it back. My dream is to get canned, then magically fix my class, find a job elsewhere, have my current district change its mind and offer to renew me for next year, and say, "Hm, no thanks. I found a way better, less stressful job in Xtown." Okay, well maybe that's not really my dream, because the fact of the matter is, I will be mortified if I am not rehired for next year. And I know, I know, everything happens for a reason, and when one door closes, another one opens, and all that crap that my mom has been saying in an attempt to make me feel better about all of this. But damn it, these butterflies won't go away.

Drunk Haiku

2008-03-04T20:50:00.002-05:00

People have asked me
For three years now why I don't
Become an alcky

I say to them: third
year's a charm! I just had a
bottle of reisling!

What's Cooking

2008-03-02T18:25:00.003-05:00

I don't like the first entry you see on my blog on a Monday morning to be all depressing. So I'm adding another, more upbeat entry. Look below for the depressing entry, because you won't find it up here, nosiree!

Because I've been stressed lately, and because there are a ton of things for me to procrastinate, I have been cooking. And no, not my usual bowl of ramen noodles, Lean Cuisine, or cheese quesadilla-- real food!

On Tuesday, I made chili. I searched the internets for a good recipe, and I found one that proved to be so good that Alex actually ate firsts, seconds, AND took the leftovers to work the next day!! This has never happened before in our entire year and a half together. Usually I cook something, he says it's good, and then when he's finished his first helping, he searches around the kitchen for something else to eat. Occasionally, he'll eat a second helping. Never does he eat leftovers.

He loved this chili so, that he even passed it off as his own creation to his coworkers. *Screetching halt noise* Yes. He made his coworkers try it, and then he said HE made it. I have not yet figured out an appropriate punishment for this, and so a shocked, "WHAT?! You're a jerk," is about all he got. I am letting it go because he liked it enough to pretend he made it, and so I guess that's a compliment.

Amazingly, I had two successful cooking experiences in one week. I also made a chicken pot pie from scratch. There was only one slight fumble along the way: I misjudged how shallow the pie plate was, and so when I poured the gravy over the filling, it overflowed everywhere. Next time I'll just mix up the filling with the gravy and spoon it all in at once. And let's look back at the words, "next time," because again, The~~Jerk~~Boy liked it enough for me to make it again!

Success!

Rock Bottom?

2008-03-02T17:00:00.005-05:00

I hate my job. I don't think I've really mentioned it before, mostly because it wasn't always so. In fact, although most other people I know would hate my job, I always found that to be one of its drawing traits. Look what I can do that you'd never in a million years have the patience for...

Yeah, well. My patience have run out.

For two years, I have been getting praise from various important people around my district: my administrators, members of the child study team, my department supervisor, principal at the middle school, the superintendent. They actually made the middle school behavioral teacher come observe me because they thought she might learn something. She had been teaching for several more years than I had.

I'm not saying all this to toot my own horn. If you actually could see the state of things right now, you'd understand why I need to look back on these memories.

I'm not really sure how to explain things, because it has been happening little by little since September, and it is the culmination of so many things, and I also don't want to be too specific because, you know, public blog. I guess the short version is that most of my students were used to one particular behavior management system used by their previous teacher. When they were passed along to me, I adopted said system for consistency (since it had been working for two years), except that, beyond my control, one key component was missing: a place for students to go when they became out of control.

And then I got a new student. This student is much more street smart than the rest of my bunch, and introduced to my class lovely phenomena such as The Finger and Sarcasm ("Ohhh... I'm soooo scared of losing free time..." "Oh, like you're really hurting me by not giving me that reward...") He realized that the other students looked up to him and would copy him, and so his reaction to things he didn't like, no matter how small, was explosive. Then, he began running around the room, getting in other kids' faces, yelling. He figured out that as long as he wasn't physically hurting anyone, he could be as out of control as he wanted to be, and there was no real consequence of value to him. He wasn't removed from the room because there was nowhere for him to go. And the other kids took it allll in. And started to copy.

It wasn't long before my room started spiraling out of control. I went to various people in my school for help (including admin), and no one really gave me any kind of usable advice. They would listen to me, maybe vent about other administrators and what they weren't doing, but no one helped because I don't think they knew what to do either. So it became my fault.

These are students who already don't listen to their parents, stopped listening to me, and also stopped listening to administrators. What kid isn't afraid of the principal? Mine aren't. Yet I am being told that I gave up my authority. What about the principal? What about their parents? I have become the scapegoat.

I follow the school's mandated curriculum. I asked for alternate programs because I believe the ones we are given (mostly scripted, direct instruction, and lack of manipulatives) are not appropriate for special ed students. I was told that it will not be changed, I must use it, and I can make adaptations where I see fit. I did just that, and now I am being told that my lessons are "not engaging enough." I teach the lessons I am supposed to teach in the same way that the whole school is supposed to teach them, and now I am being faulted for following their shitty boring state mandated lessons.

My department supervisor told me to cut down on academic tasks until their behavior is back under control. I did this, and then I was observed by an administrator who told me that what I was doing was "not academic enough," and that he was "concerned" about my chosen methods.

I do not have tenure yet, and so my job for next year is at risk. On one hand, I feel secure in that I am dual certified (regular and special ed), and that I have experience in a district and a type of classroom that looks impressive on any resume. I could probably find a job anywhere else, but of course, my salary would start at Step 1 again. On the other hand, What the Fuck? My contract might not be renewed because I am having trouble controlling a group of children that no other person in the school is able to control?? I have heard other teachers mention that the possibility being given my class is a school-wide worst nightmare.

Sigh. So anyway, in the meantime, now that it's too late, I have finally been giving permission to change up the curriculum. Tomorrow I am visiting two other similar (but of course, "better managed") classrooms in different schools tomorrow to get ideas.

Some people get stressed and lose their appetite. I have never been blessed with such a fortunate reaction to stress. Instead, I pig out, break out in stress hives all over my hands, and my lip erupts with a pleasantly pink and possibly transmittable cold sore. (Read: I am gaining weight, I can't stop scratching, and I can't even kiss my boyfriend.)

I don't know. Maybe I'm just being whiny. And if so, thanks for listening.

Work Stuff. (grr)

2008-02-26T06:20:00.003-05:00

Sometime before the school year started, I previewed my class and gave all the students blog names. However, there was one who I named TBD1, because I really didn't know enough about him to give him a alias.

I hearby pronounce him OverreactingKid.

Recently:

ChowDownKid: I don't want to color this.
Me: Sorry, that was the direction. You need to follow directions.
ChowDownKid: You're a big, fat meanie!
Me: (ignores comment)
OverreactingKid: (takes three deep breaths) She. is. not. fat. and. SHEISNOTMEEEAAAANNNN!!!!!!!!

Also, everything in me wants to pronounce TBD2 "Fucking Psycho," but I feel like that would be mean. He is a total antagonizer, doesn't listen to anyone, including the principal, and he smiles and laughs like a creepy serial killer while he's getting in trouble, or while another kid is crying because he has just insulted him. Hmm.

Also in the mix, one student I got a few weeks into the school year. Let's call him BaneOfMyExistanceKid, because he is horrible, and I am pretty sure he is a major contributing factor to the current chaos going on in my classroom right now. He has taught the kids the sarcastic, "Ooooh, like that really hurts me," when he is being given a consequence, or when other kids are being rewarded for ignoring his bad choices. Also, he has introduced TheFinger into my room, and so most of the day is spent hearing, "BOMEKid just gave me the finger!" and then looking at BOMEKid throwing himself onto the floor and crying in shock because he just can't believe tht someone would make up such lies about him!

And, introducing CopyCatKid. Only two weeks in my room so far, this child has managed to not only bring his own behaviors, but to copy the behaviors of every other student in the class. Because that's more fun than anything he is supposed to be doing, and who cares if he will get in trouble later? This is fun NOW!

Well. We are all downhill from here... less than 5 months to go...

Sunday Sunday

2008-02-24T08:51:00.003-05:00

I normally wake up around 8 on Sundays, which is more than two hours later than I wake on a workday. I probably could fall back asleep, but then I start feeling guilty that Coconut is in her crate. After all, I got up three times during the night to use the bathroom, and she has been stuck in there with a full bladder for 8 hours. Poor puppy.

Once I'm up, I start craving coffee. It's rare that I finish a cup before it gets cold, but still. I need it. Within the half hour, my stomach starts to feel too empty, and I scour the cabinets. Usually I try to grab something easy. Alex likes cooking me breakfast, and so I just need something to hold me over until he wakes up around 11.

This is why some Sundays I eat two breakfasts.

Breakfast 1: cereal, or a muffin, or a couple cookies... This morning I got fancy and opened a package of breadstick dough, brushed it with melted butter, and sprinkled it with cinnamon-sugar. While the sticks were in the oven, I made a cream cheese glaze. I was motivated this morning.

Breakfast 2: Like I said, Alex likes to cook me breakfast. I'd be satisfied with an egg on a slice of toast, but the boy likes to eat. Cheese omlette, bacon, hash browns... if we have pancake mix, he'll probably wrap the whole thing up and then throw a blob of cream cheese on the top. Sounds nasty, but I have to admit it is pretty damn good. Definitely a Fat Man's Delight, but delicious.

Have I mentioned that since we started dating, the two of us have collectively gained, oh, I'd say about 60 pounds? Not a surprise.

Numbers

2008-02-23T16:17:00.004-05:00

150: rediculous cost of my haircut/color (with tip) on Thursday night
17: dollars left in my checking account after paying for said haircut
6: hour my alarm clock went off yesterday
8: times I checking my cell to see if I had missed the Snow Day phone call
2: students in my class who came to school
0: work done
54(ish): seconds to get out of my work clothes and into my perma-weekend clothes when I got home
3: DVR'd shows (specifically: AI results show, Lost, Survivor)
8:15: time I woke up this morning (because I passed out at 10 last night)
2: cups of coffee
2: hours of napping
1: blog entry (so far)

Sing Along

2008-02-09T16:33:00.000-05:00

O to the MG people, did you KNOW that Comshmast On D has KARAOKI?!?!?! I discovered it today and made Coconut endure about 15 minutes of my lovely squawking. During Hit Me Baby One More Time she watched attentively, though with a slightly skeptical expression. She walked away during Brown-Eyed Girl, but then threw me a couple over-the-shoulder glances when I belted out Man! I Feel Like a Woman. There is certainly no accounting for the musical tastes of a dog.

Morning Mutterings

2008-02-05T06:16:00.000-05:00

In a strange moment of morning fogginess, I decided that I would smell the mint in my spice rack. You know-- to see if it really smelled like mint. When I opened the container, a couple specks fell into my coffee. They were tiny, and I dunno, I am lazy, and therefore did not remove them.

People-- have you ever had mint coffee???? It is delicious and refreshing and takes some of the bite away from that nasty teacher-coffee-breath I tend to walk around with all day. I think I have innovated something that could catch on here...

*****

The more toys my dog destroys, the more often she is forced to rediscover old toys that she has been ignoring since 8-week-oldness when I first got her. Her most recent find is a super bouncy ball that used to have a string through it for tugging purposes (she has since chewed it off). She is currently (repeatedly) walking around with it in her mouth, dropping it on the floor, and watching it as it bounces a million tiny bounces across the floor, and then pouncing on it. I imagine her inner voice screaching with delight, "again! again!"

*****

Kid-Bit

OCD kid was in the class bathroom the other day for quite awhile. This is somewhat normal for him, as on top of the fact that he has no issues pooping in there, he has also been caught stripped down to his underwear and wifebeater and flexing in the mirror (p.s. this kid is 8 and scrawny-- more the size of a 6 year old), sitting backward on a urinal in the hall bathroom trying to poop, and watching himself "grow," if you will. Anyway, I kept calling to OCDKid while he was in there, "doin alright in there? I hope you're not playing around!" and he sounded like he was okay. But well, when he eventually came out of the bathroom, he was soaking wet from head to toe, and his hair was all spikey wet with several big foamy blobs in it. When questioned, all he would keep saying was, "I forgot to do it last night. I just remembered, I forgot to do it last night. I put in the shampoo, but I forgot to wash it out last night."

So he attempted to wash it out the next day. In school. In the sink that is about 1 foot from the floor.

La la la...

2008-01-28T21:00:00.000-05:00

Once again there is a list of unpublished Draft entries sitting on my Dashboard, but whenever I open them up, I just decide they are too boring to publish and anyway there is some crappy reality show on that I need to watch. But now the State of the Union Address is on and damn it, I need to find some way to distract myself lest I punch a hole through our new plasma.

(I wonder if my little brother is sitting in some rec hall watching from Iraq...)

Anyway, I have discovered a new favorite method of cooking, and that, my friends, is the FOIL PACKET!!! Dude, if you put whatever you want to eat in a foil packet, and stick it in the oven, you can have a real-food-meal in like 30 minutes with virtually NO clean-up! Tonight, I cut up the only vegetable we had in the whole house, a green bell pepper, and threw a pre-marinated chicken breast on top, and the result was mmm-mmm-good.

And in even MORE exciting cooking news (did you even consider that there could be something more exciting than chicken and bell pepper in a foil packet?!?!) I came home on Friday to a brand new KitchenAid mixer on my door step, thankyouverymuch,Grandma! I called to thank her, letting her know it was unnecessary, but much appreciated, and she said, "well, I was shopping online, and when I saw it I thought of you... you mentioned that you didn't have a mixer..." (Alex's reaction: "Hm. Yeah, you know what else we don't have? Surround sound speakers. Just mentioning it...") On Saturday, I made real key lime pie with homemade whipped cream, (By the way: NEVER going back to prepackaged...) and on Sunday, Alex made pancakes. Sure, the pie could have been made with my hand mixer, and the pancakes... well you know, a wire whisk always works, but the mixer is fun and makes me feel like I'm hosting my own show on the food network. It would be called, "Hm... It Looked Better on That Other Show."

*****

Kid-Bit

Appropriately, ChowDownKid has taken to saying "Awwwww SNACK!!!" whenever he thinks someone has been told off.

*****

And for lack of anything else to talk about, photos of the dog. You know you want them.

What? You're not into day-old coffee drippings??

Where is it that Garfield always tries to send Nermal?

Smokin'

2008-01-11T07:09:00.000-05:00

I made meatballs on Wednesday night. They came out sucktacular, with a side order of Grease All Over My Oven. I blame this on Alton Brown, for telling me exactly how much each meatball should weigh, and then telling me to bake them in mini muffin tins so they will brown on all sides and the fat will drip into the bottoms of the muffin cups, but then not mentioning that the diameter of the meatball is actually more important, because if the meatball does not suspend itself atop the rim of the cup, but rather just sits inside the cup, there will be an overflow of fat drippings and they will have nowhere to go but up onto the top of the tin and over the sides (because a muffin tin does not have a rim, as a cookie sheet does), setting off your smoke alarm and scaring your dog.

Alton also failed to mention that should you have an inch-thick layer of grease on the bottom of your oven, running the Self Clean feature is probably not the best idea, for the grease shall smoke to such a degree that your entire house fills with smoke and your eyes water and for the love of god you will not be able to breathe!!! You will end up having to open up every window and door to let in some fresh air, run every fan and vent in the house (and this will make it very hard to hear the TV) and despite the unseasonably warm weather, you will be freezing.

Itchy

2008-01-09T15:38:00.001-05:00

In my last post I mentioned the little skin issue I had been having. The day after I wrote that post, I went out and bought some sensitive skin moisturizing body wash. This consequently gave me hives on top of what was already there.

I took a sick day today so I could get myself to the dermatologist and get all this biz taken care of. The hassle of getting a referral so quickly is a whole other story, of which I will spare you the agonizing details. All you need to know is that my appointment was at 8:30, so technically, I could have just gone into work a little late, but I didn't because I will use the extra time to get some stuff done around the house.

BWAHAHAHAA!!!

Thus far, I have cut the lemon bars I made last night (This recipe put me in the mood, but relax: I actually made these.), and vacuumed the living room.

That didn't last long. (My dog is a slob.) (She takes after me.)

The Bird: A Three Part Saga, and then some more whining

2008-01-04T20:42:00.000-05:00

This morning, Coconut stayed outside for an unusual amount of time. I peeked out at her a couple of times, and she seemed to be happily chewing on/tossing in the air/pouncing on a stick, and so I left her out until it was time for me to leave for work. Except when she finally came inside, she brought the "stick" with her. She dropped it, and I realized it was not a stick, but I wasn't sure what it was. I had to corner her, and when she finally dropped it again, I snatched her up and put her in the kitchen while I examined the strange blob.

Then I ran gagging into the kitchen to get something with which to pick up what I could only assume was a bird. It was kinda hard to tell, but I thought I could make out a feather.

The whole thing was so disgusting, but I thought it was over.

It was not.

I came home, let the dog out, went to the bathroom myself, and when I went back downstairs to let her in, she was tossing around a gigantic bird with no head and one wing!!!!! GAH!!! I ran in to get a plastic bag, figuring if I could get her, I'd take the bird with the bag and then just turn it inside out. But Coconut had other plans. Our yard is big, people. There is plenty of room to run away, should you be a dog who doesn't want to give up the best treasure you've ever found, and there are plenty of trees that are in perfect humans-can't-get-me-here! positions close to the fence.

I spent about 5 minutes chasing her around the yard, until I finally called Alex freaking out that our dog was running around with a possibly diseased dead bird whose bone she might chew out and choke on. Then, when she let it go (and I don't know what got her to do that) and went inside, I could not bring myself to pick up the bird. Yes, my hand was in a bag, and my skin would not have made contact with it, but ug! I couldn't bring myself to do it. I kept gagging and thinking about what it would feel like to have the nasty thing in my hand, and screamed in girly disgust (similar to that when I smoosh a bug with a napkin and can feel the crunch underneath) until Alex finally yelled at me to just get the shovel, duh.

I shoveled the bird into the bag, put the bag into an empty shoebox, and put the shoebox into a trashcan outside, with a lid. Thank god that's over, I thought.

But oh, no, there was more to come.

The other wing, to be exact.

Coconut found the other wing; third verse, same as the first. I got her to go inside without it, and was able to get the wing and add it to the bird box in the trash can.

Physically, I think the bird is gone now. But apparently its spirit, or at the very least, its scent, still remains in our yard, because now every time I let the dog out, she runs around with her nose in the grass barking frantically. So frantically, in fact, that I cannot allow her to stay outside for fear of making enemies of my neighbor. This means I have to get her to come inside before she actually goes to the bathroom, which means the whole song and dance happens again 10 minutes later, which believe me, is not long enough for her to forget about the bird and just go outside and take a shit.

Outside barking alternates with time spent standing on the back of the couch, sticking her head between the slats of the hideous vertical blinds and, and barking some more at anything or nothing, but probably mostly reflections of self on the window.

The only way to stop this cycle was to put her in her crate, which I usually only do at night when I'm sleeping. I have since been getting 5 minute intervals of peace and inner-crate digging.

*****

Also? We have no food in this house. We are about a week overdue for grocery shopping, and all that is left is pasta and rice, and the Lean Cuisine I settled on made me gag because I kept thinking about the bird.

*****

And, I have this weird rash on my thighs and my butt.

You're welcome.

It is similar to the rash I get on my hands when they are extremely dry, so when I got home from work I slathered it with Eucerin, but that made it itch even more, so I tried Benadryl cream, which inflamed the whole thing even more and stung so badly that I had to take a shower to wash all the creams off.

Feeling slightly better.

*****

And one more complaint: My house is a mess, and I just don't feel like cleaning it.

(Surprise, surprise.)

Content

2007-12-17T20:06:00.000-05:00

My Sunday was a wash of a weekend day because Saturday night our water heater flooded our downstairs. So instead of getting to sleep in, I had to call my dad very so he could come over and fix it (thank god for daddies, huh?) and we could turn our water back on. Then, Alex's mom came over and we went shopping for Christmassy stuff for our house. "We," being just her and me. (She and me? She and I? I need to consult my copy of Eats, Shoots, and Leaves...) It was kinda weird, but we did end up with some pretty things with which to decorate our 3-foot table top tree.

Anyway, Alex randomly had off today, and so to make off for my loss of a nice, relaxing weekend, I took a sick day today...

*cough. cough.*

It ended up being a perfect day. Slept in a little, watched my DVR'd season finale of Survivor: China while Alex slept in even later, I made cookie dough for my cookie swap later this week, we played some Guitar Hero, made a killer lasagna, and Alex did the dinner dishes, and now we're sitting on the couch with full bellies and some wine and a fire in the fireplace and the dog's not being too annoying (yet) and we're about to watch Superbad (for the second time today), and the house isn't too much of a mess, and ahhhhh...

I needed this day.

Rugel-ugh

2007-12-14T06:56:00.000-05:00

I decided to try to bake this rugelach recipe for my grandma, who is in the hospital and whose birthday was yesterday. I bought all the ingredients with full realization that we don't own a KitchenAid mixer, or a food processor or even a hand beater. Pft. Before there was electricity, people didn't make their rugelah with electronic mixers! I thought. Except, well, it turns out it was haaaaard to mix the cream cheese and butter and sugar and flour all into a dough-- especially when the only mixing device I actually own is a rubber spoonula. Also? The rolling out was not so easy, as I have no rolling pin. I tried to use the rod from our paper towel holder, but that just stuck to the dough. I had more success with a drinking glass, though I kept having fear that I was pressing too hard and that the glass was going to crush under the pressure, leaving tiny shards of glass in the dough and my hands. It didn't.

Additional snag, I sort of forgot to read ahead. After I mixed the dough, it had to chill in the fridge for a couple hours. Oh well, I thought. I'll have them in the oven by 10, and they only take 20 minutes to bake. Except after I rolled out the dough and put on the filling and rolled the whole thing up, I got to the part in the recipe where it says, "Chill for another hour." Hm. Well, I guess I can just slice and bake in the morning. That won't be so hard. So here I am this morning, ready to heat up the oven and slice my rugelah and be all Suzie Homemaker (for a change), and then I get to the line in the directions where it says, "lay cookies on parchment paper."

Foiled again.

So now it's about time for me to leave for work, and I have no parchment paper. It turns out I will NOT be baking rugelach this morning, or, for that matter, until I update my baking too supply.

Tasting

2007-12-08T10:32:00.000-05:00

I've mentioned my feelings about cooking before. I don't mind doing it, but I don't love it either. This is mostly because of the clean-up factor and because I've never cooked anything that tasted better than something I could get in a restaurant (which has the added bonus of me getting served and not having to do dishes).

Anyway, I'm not a terrible cook, but I always seems to have minor issues along the way. I would like to submit the two most recent to you for further evidence that I should not bother cooking.

Reason the First: I decided to create my own risotto recipe last night. I melted some butter in the pan, added garlic and parsley, and toasted the arborio. Then, I went to add a splash of red wine, except I wasn't expecting the loud sizzle that was created when the wine hit the pan, and so it scared me and I jumped and I spilled a ton of wine into the rice and all over my stovetop. The risotto ended up coming out Just Okay.

Reason the Second: The night before, I hosted a Tastefully Simple party. (Yes, Christine you are right-- I have become total suburban housewife. Whatever. Free stuff.) All the recipes are simple enough, and the Banana Rum Cheese Ball was something easy like, "Add cream cheese to Packet 1. Stir until blended. Chill. Roll into ball. Roll ball into contents of Packet 2." Nothing about it except cutting the block of cream cheese required any measurement or anything! But you see, I made another recipe in the bowl before the Banana Ball, and so after I washed it out, I forgot to dry it, and then when I tried to mix the cream cheese with the flavoring packet, the mix came out all clumpy and gooey, and refrigerating it never really made it harden, and instead of a Banana Rum Cheese Ball, I made a Banana Rum Cheese Blob. It still tasted the same.

See? Minor catastrophes, I suppose, but I would be SO into a personal chef.

*****

There are two guys here setting up Alex's pool table today. I offered them coffee, and one guy asked for black, which is easy, but the other guy asked for "light and sweet," and since I usually use Splenda, not sugar, I wasn't sure how sweet was sweet and how light was light, and so after I made his coffee, I tasted it. I tasted his coffee from the cup I used to serve it in. To the pool table guy. I tasted the pool table guy's coffee right from his cup. And then I gave it to him with my germs on it. I tried not to backwash.

Sleep and Garbage

2007-11-29T06:53:00.000-05:00

I can't seem to get moving this morning. I should be ready to leave in about 7 minutes, but instead I am sitting here with the towel still on my head writing a blog entry.

I've been having serious sleep issues. I have to wake up around 6am. For me to get an ideal amount of sleep, I'd have to go to bed around 10pm. However, most nights Alex doesn't get home until around 10, and so I like to stay up for a little so I actually get to see him. Last night he didn't get home until about 10:30, and so I ended up staying awake until midnight.

Alex doesn't have to wake up until 7:30, and he has the added bonus of not caring if he's tired all day because he is able to sleep an extraordinary number of hours in a row on his days off. If he's lacking any sleep during the week, he sure makes up for it on Sundays. I, on the other hand, simply cannot deal with loud, moody, insubordinate children on little sleep. My teaching suffers, and my temper is shorter.

I'm really not sure how to fix this. Short of him getting a new job with fewer hours, I don't know how else I'd get the sleep I need while still getting to spend time with my boyfriend. Grr.

*****

Last Friday morning, I woke up when Alex was leaving for work so that we could take all of our Thanksgiving and bedroom-painting trash out to the curb. We walked outsided at about 8:30, and the trash truck was already clammoring down the street, almost at our house! I walked quickly to the curb with our kitchen bag while Alex opened the garage to start bringing out some of the other stuff.

We were hurrying, people. It's not like we were moseying along and expecting the trash guys to wait for us. But sheesh, stopping the truck for a minute while we brought some stuff out would have been nice!

However, they did not think so. They took the two bags that we managed to get out there, and then refused to take a box full of trash because the actual box was cardboard and recycling would have to take that.

Me: Erm, well there is food trash and stuff in it. Trash guy: *shrug*

So, take THIS! trash guys! We now have TWO weeks of trash on the curb, and then some! Three giant cans full, a few bags on the side, an old rolled up carpet, more stuff from another weekend of painting, and plenty* for the cardboard guys. So nanny nanny boo boo!

* Including the box from Guitar Hero for Wii, which I bought A for his bday. I. am. Addicted. Also: A rockstar.

Improving Home

2007-11-26T06:35:00.000-05:00

Perhaps the best thing that came out of hosting Thanksgiving dinner is that it was just what we needed to finally organizing our disaster of a house. And let me just add in there that I would have been game to do it much earlier, but was having my own secret in-my-head standoff with Alex, because if HE wasn't going to do it, I sure as hell wasn't going to either! Hmph!

So yeah, Thursday morning, we spent about 5 hours cleaning-- actually cleaning-- the house, moving boxes around, EMPTYING boxes, putting things where they are supposed to be rather than where we left them during our last pretend attempt at organization (such as my shoerack, which was supposed to be in our closet room*, but was actually in our guest room because I moved it when I built the closet organizer and never put it back). (* Incidentally, my grandma, who just saw the house for the first time, proclaimed that we should call it our Dressing Room, not a closet room. It's that functional now.)

It is not totally done, but it is at a point where 1) I am not embarassed when people come over, and 2) doing things like painting is actually possible. Incidentally, with my parents' help, we have painted two of the three bedrooms! (Erm, and this is a whoooole nuther story. Short version: it took two entire days to paint our bedroom. And then it still sucked, and my dad had to come over and fix our shitty work.) So I am finally feeling like I didn't move into a piece of shit for some guy. As it turns out, the whole disorganization thing was what was really eating at me! There is still a ton to do, but we've made a dent, at least.

*****

A Conversation

Alex: Did you just drink that Rolling Rock so you'd have a place to stick your flower?

Me: ...

Alex: *sigh* Dork.

Happy Thankspigging

2007-11-24T12:35:00.000-05:00

Our First Thanksgiving in the New House turned out well. I don't know what all the hubbub is about-- it wasn't that hard. I guess a lot of prep and cleaning went into it, but when it came down to the cooking, meh. Perhaps if I went more gourmet and less traditional, it would have been more difficult. Oh and also if I had cooked the turkey myself, if my parents hadn't brought two of the side dishes, and if Alex's mom hadn't brought the desserts.

Like I mentioned, I purchased it pre-cooked from Wegmans (love), but it still needed two hours in the oven to heat up. End result: It tasted like turkey. I'm not a huge turkey fan, and no one else I know is, either. I've had brined turkey, seasoned and herbed turkey, roasted turkey, injected turkey, fragrant turkey... they all kinda just taste like turkey to me. I just think turkey is turkey. And, since my dad was the only one who ate dark meat, and he prefers beef anyway, I decided that next year I will just cook a turkey breast and prime rib. Cheers for new traditions!

*****

I have already had my fill of leftovers, and it's only Day 2 post-TG. Yesterday's Menu featured Italian bread French toast with homemade cranberry sauce topping for breakfast, a leftover sandwich for lunch, and turkey croquets with a mashed potato casserole for dinner. I had a leftover canoli and some brie with crackers for breakfast this morning. I keep thinking I should make a soup or something, but as I hardly cook, I do not have a stocked pantry, and therefore would have to go to the store and buy food to cook leftovers... I dunno... seems to defeat the purpose to me.

*****

And now, the moment you've all been waiting for!!!

More pictures of Coconut!

"She don't eat meat, but she sho likes da bone! RUFF!"

Jail Dog

Apparently humans aren't the only ones to enter a Thanksgiving coma...

Desperate Housewife

2007-11-12T20:14:00.000-05:00

Since moving in with Alex, I have found that I have serious issues with becoming a "housewife" when I am not actually his wife. It is true that he works 60 or more hours a week, while my hours on the clock are about 35. I get home at 4; he gets home between 10 and 11. I have the two weekend days off, in a row, and he gets Sundays and Tuesdays.

And yet, being the one to clean the bathroom for the third weekend in a row freakin pisses me off.

Even when I lived in my apartment, I had trouble cleaning on a regular basis. My blog entries have chronicled this; my friends and family have witnessed it. Now there are two of us making a mess, joint bills to pay, a dog to take care of, and time and time again, I find myself falling into a wifely role. I do the bulk of the cleaning, I pay the bills, if we are going somewhere, I consider if the dog will need watching and then find someone to do the watching for us.

I am trying so hard not to be a nag, because marriage or not, the nagging is what will truly turn me into a ball and chain. I refuse.

So instead, I do one of the following:
1) I clean and shut up about it.
2) I leave the mess for as long as I can and then start passive aggressively talking about the disgusting state of our house and eventually become so frustrated when he doesn't take the hints, that I end the whole thing in a screechy state of hysterics and tears wherein he becomes so frightened he promises to clean something for godsakes.

I would say that the ratio of the first scenario happening over the second occurs at 3:1, the latter mostly occurring during my PMS week.

And on that note, I have to go clean the kitchen.

Current Weekly Watchings: The Sad Truth

2007-11-10T09:39:00.000-05:00

America's Next Top Model
Bionic Woman
Bones
Californication*
Dexter
Gossip Girl
Grey's Anatomy
Heroes
House
Law & Order: SVU
Next Great American Band
Pushing Daisies
Survivor: China
Three Sheets
Weeds
Women's Murder Club**

Eagerly Awaiting:

American Idol
Lost

Surely after reading this list, you are thinking, "Who the hell has time to watch that much TV?" Well, the answer is obvious. I do.

I'll admit, I'm not proud of some of my viewing choices. My watching preferences are, for the most part, mindless. This is how I like them. I actually can't watch any DVR'd mystery shows on weekdays because my mind is too fried to concentrate; I even find myself rewinding the fluffier shows because my brain will flicker in and out and I have no idea what's going on.

This is why I'm not a reader. I like to read, and if I find the right book, I love to read. But sadly, my mind won't allow it. I flip through page after page, only to turn back and read them again because the entire time I was looking at words, I was actually thinking about lesson plans and behavior strategies and bills and birthdays and god how do people quiet their minds enough to get absorbed into a good book anymore?

Thus, I will justify my list by saying the crappy shows are my mental massage, and only the "good" shows*** are for my actual "shutupIcan'thearwhatthey'resaying!" entertainment.

* The season is over, so perhaps I should have listed Season 2 under Eagery Awaiting?
** Stupidest name for a show ever in history.
*** Choose the shows that will make me seem the smartest and most discriminating.

Sock Soup

2007-10-30T20:05:00.000-05:00

Coconut was spayed on Thursday, and you'd never know it based on how she's been running around. Alex's dad and brother were over on Sunday night, and they had her zipping in circles around the yard. I warned Alex that the vet said she shouldn't be running like that, and that she is supposed to be on a leash at all times outside for the next two weeks, but his response was, "Look at her! She feels fine!"

Monday morning, she woke up with a huge knot behind her incision. I called the vet's office last night, and the receptionist told me to put warm compresses on it for 10-minute intervals, and to call back to schedule an appointment if it doesn't go down. Anyway, I tried. I couldn't find any clean washcloths, so I took an old sock, soaked it, dropped it in a pyrex measuring cup, and threw it in the microwave. However, what the receptionist didn't tell me was how to get a 5-1/2 month old terrier to sit still for 10 minutes while attempting to hold a warm compress on her shaved belly. If you have suggestions other than, "hand-feed her treats for the entire 10 minutes," they are welcome.

*****

It's no secret: I don't really cook. Occasionally I will run across a recipe that seems like it might be worth its while, and of those occasions, even fewer result in actual This-Was-Worth-It cooking. Most of my dinners (I eat alone except for about twice a week) are comprised of pasta or boil-in-bag rice and some sort of once-frozen protein (tonight: rice and Archer Farms garlic & herb shrimp), or a long list of unhealthy snack foods that eventually result in me not really being hungry enough to cook a meal (last night: string cheese, orange cranberry muffin, Halloween candy, a couple bites of leftover and probably-not-good-anymore lo mein, Finding Nemo fruit snacks).

My classroom aide is about my mom's age. However, while my mom was growing up in a household with two working parents and either cooking dinner for her family or fending for herself, my aide was growing up in a house with 9 siblings and a mom whose sole purpose was to "make home" for her family. There is definitely nothing wrong with either scenario, but I think the difference just helps to explain why I prefer Easy, and my aide prefers Less Expensive. And also why she still does her 25-year-old son's laundry, but whatever.

That said, she gives me a very hard time about my pre-cooked, pre-prepared (er, I guess the "pre" is already in the "prepared," but you know what I mean) preferences. When I mentioned that I might buy a precooked turkey for thanksgiving, she said, "why doesn't that surprise me?" And then tried to argue with me about how much better home-cooked turkey would be. (To which I responded 1. The side dishes are the main event anyway, and 2. My family ate Thanksgiving dinner in a restaurant last year because there were so few of us, so what's the difference?)

I guess my point is, why "slave away in the kitchen?" If you think of it as slaving, then you are not having fun. If you enjoy it, then by all means, go for it (and then invite me over)! But if I want to spend more on precooked bacon because I value my time (time that will not be spent standing in front of a popping, messy skillet, and then having to clean up the greasy mess later) more than my money, whose business is it to judge me?

*****

While reading another blog, I was pointed in the direction of this site, which I find "hilarious." It makes me want to put quotes around "everything." Also, it "inspired" me to buy "this book." I am "enjoying" it thoroughly, and also using it to procrastinate reading Pride & Prejudice for book club. I am not "proud" to admit, I have a "prejudice" against the "classics." Oooh that was painful.

I'll Thank You Later

2007-10-24T05:10:00.000-05:00

So it seems we're having Thanksgiving here. My game plan is to just buy a precooked turkey at Wegman's (because drying out a turkey or forgetting to take the giblets out, and having that be my "My Very First Thanksgiving" story is much too trite), but go gangsta on the sides. I have to keep in a couple of plain old standards due to my picky boyfriend, so mashed potatoes will stay mashed potatoes. I'm still trying to talk him out of a sweet potato casserole with marshmallows (me: "but my sweet potato casserole recipe has a brown sugar and butter topping! You can add your own marshmallows at the end!), and I know that in addition to whatever stuffing I make, I will also probably throw on a pot of StoveTop as well, to satisfy the unadventurous' palate.

Now I need your help. What is the best Thanksgiving sidedish you've ever had? C'mon. I know some of your parents experiment every year (Megan), so what are the winners? Please email me any recipes you might have that you think are worthy of a kick-ass spread.

In return, I will mention you when our parents force us to go around the table and tell everyone what we are thankful for.

Example: I am thankful for world peace *snort* and also, X-Blogger's cranberry sauce recipe.

Urinetown

2007-10-22T15:03:00.000-05:00

Hey! What did you do when you got home from work today? Wanna know what I did? Okay, I'll tell you!

I chased my dog around with an empty margarine container in an attempt to collect a urine sample.

Oh, we are so glamorous here at the Frizz Household!

The venture was successful, but I can't help looking at the container (which, incidentally, I wiped down with a Clorox Wipe, wrapped in masking tape, and sealed in a gallon baggie, lest it want to pop open during the ride to the vet), thinking, I Can't Believe It's Not Butter! Heh! It's NOT butter!! Bwahahahahaa!! Oh, I crack myself up, I do.

*****

A few weeks after I moved here, I received a traffic ticket for going straight in a turn-only lane. In my defense, when I got into the turn-only lane, the sign was blocked by a tree, and by the time it became visible to me, no one would let me over into the straight lane. But blah-blah-blah, jerky cop gave me a ticket. When I received the notice for the court date in the mail, it turned out to be for 1 in the afternoon, October 31.

Then, to make a boring story longer and more boring, I kept forgetting to call to reschedule, until today. The lady asked me why I wanted to reschedule, which I was expecting, and I was all, "uh, well, it's Halloween and my students have a Halloween parade." To which she replied, "If I can't go to a Halloween party, neither can you!" So then I got even more nervous, and came back with a, "Well, I don't want to go to the parade, exactly, it's just that it is a school day and um, well my principal won't be very happy with me."

She asked me a couple questions, like where I taught and if they really have a Halloween parade, and I assured her that I teach behaviorally disabled students who are hyper on a regular day, and that it would be just plain cruel to leave a sub with them on a day when they are especially packed with sugar and stimuli.

Soooo... woot! She changed my court date, and was even nice enough to give me an evening appointment that isn't until January!! Woohoo! Christmas gifts for all!

*****

ChowDownKid has taken notice of the Lean Cuisines I carry with me down to the lunchroom almost every day. A couple days ago, he tried to insult me by whining, "You eat frozen food from a box!" To which I replied, "Yup. I do." CDK: "Yeah! They're frozen! From a box!" Me: "Yeah. I like them."

He seemed defeated at the time, because his insult didn't take, but now every once in awhile he'll summon me, "Yo! Frozen Food!"

I guess when the alternative is Tyrannical Bitch, Frozen Food isn't such a bad nick name.

*****

Now, it's time to leave for the vet, urine sample and all.

I'm Scared Too

2007-10-16T16:49:00.000-05:00

See those two little glowing specks deep into the picture?

Yeah, that's where my dog hides when I cook. Sometimes, she also hides under the ottoman. I had a picture of that, too, but you could really see the dust on the floor...

Didn't take long for her to learn, did it?

Pft.

2007-10-15T14:47:00.000-05:00

So today we had an assembly... some crap about peer mediation with puppets and other freaky shit. Whatever. Though it was fun for the kids, I wanted to jab my eyes out. To pass the time, I started to catch up with a coworker. And then people, then...

The principal asked me to stop talking. I believe his exact words were, "Could you two not do that? You know: talk?"

Oh. Yes. He. Did.

I have not been repremanded for inappropriately timed talking since high school. Well, maybe once in college. Whatever.

The point is, I am an adult, and if I want to set a bad example for my students by talking when I'm not supposed to be, that should be my choice, damn it! And anyway: Do as I say, not as I do, kids, and I say, "Shut up."

And to show that I am an equal opportunity boss-arounder, I say it also to the principal.

Full of Soup

2007-10-12T18:14:00.001-05:00

I am supposed to be getting a new student sometime next week, probably Wednesday, and I am kind of dreading it. I can't say the addition of a new student after rules and consequences and routines have already been established would "stir the pot;" all things relative, I'd say my class functions at a simmer on a good day. I am thinking this kid is going to bring the pot to a rolling boil.

Also, too many cooks spoil the broth, as long as we're going having fun with soup metaphors.

*****

Alex's mom's birthday is on Tuesday. I won't see her on Sunday, when A and his bro go down to visit her (already made plans due to boyfriend who does not share info until the last minute, ever), but I want to send a nice gift with him to redeem myself. On her birthday last year, we had only been dating a few months, so I didn't get her anything, and then on Christmas, he talked me into the worst Christmas gift. Ever.

Still no ideas. Think. Think.

*****

I need to start making plans for Friday nights. They are way too long and lonely, hence: sitting here blogging. No offence. I love y'all. But I'd rather do something crazy on a Friday night, and then blog about it over a cuppa coffee on Saturday morning.

News

2007-10-11T15:10:00.000-05:00

So you know my iGoogle page? There are lots of news gadgets or widgets or gidgets or whatevertheyarecalled that you could put on your iGoogle page, should you choose too. But on my iGoogle page, I only have E! Online and People.com news. Because real news is sometimes sad or horrific or infuriating, and I avoid those types of things.

That said, it should come as no surprise that E! Online's top story today was intelligently titled, "Britney: Gimme more custody; Judge: Nope"

HA!! Did you just read that?! Is that not the funniest title for an article EVER?!?!

I imagine the entire conversation between Britney and a judge to go something like this:

Britney: Yo yo yo! Gimme more custody, fool!
Judge: Pshhhhhiiiittt... Bitch! I ain't allowin' that shit! NOPE! That shit wack!
Britney: Whatever playa. I'm going to flash my gyne at some paparazzi. Try to say "NOPE" to that!

*****

And while we're on the topic of news, let me just clarify that really real news does occasionally make it's way to me. For example, this? Let me just say, I wish I could find a picture of this lady's mugshot, because it is truly hilarious.

*****

Kid-Bit

ChowDownKid: What does D-I-C-K spell?
TantrumKid: Oooohh!!! ChowDownKid said Di...
Me: TantrumKid! You better not! And ChowDownKid? When you can get 100 on a spelling test, then I'll let you spell all the inappropriate words you want.

~~~

Me: What are your 5 senses?
TantrumKid: [with pride] A nickel!

In Need of a Tune-Up

2007-10-08T17:06:00.000-05:00

So I didn't mean for my last entry to come off all depressing. I'm sure my brother will be fine, and he actually extended his contract to get this deployment, so it's not like it's something that is happening to him. I just wanted to send a little love his way, that's all. Even if I don't tell him there is love being sent his way.

In other news, I have decided that my blog is boring, and I am trying to come up with a way to make it a little more fun. I think I used to tell funny stories and anecdotes and whatnot, and somehow that morphed into a weekly (if that) 26 year old's version of a pre-teen diary. As such:

In middle school:

Dear Diary,

Today we had a test that I didn't study for. Oops! But I
did get to sit next to You-Know-Who today and he let me borrow his
pencil. He is soooooooooooooooooooooo cute! I'm going to see if
Kelly can sleep over tonight. The rents have been so uncool
lately, so we'll see.

Love,
Jess

Now:

Dear IIFs,

My lesson plans were due today and I didn't bother having
them in on time. Oops! Also, a kid bit me.
Alex cooked me dinner last night and it was soooooooooooooooooo
yummy! Later, I'm going to my parent's house for dinner. My dog
won't stop peeing on the floor and eating rabbit shit.

Later,
J

Guess I need to work on this.

*****

But before I work on making this a non-boring blog, I just have to say: You know that whole coffee maker dilemma I was having? Well, sadly, Alex's brother broke up with his girlfriend, but not sadly, he moved back to Jersey, and since he is now living with his dad, does not need his Keurig coffee maker. He let us have it, and I. am. in. love. Also-- you can buy tea and hot chocolate pods to put in it. Woot!

*****

And One Last Thing (for now)

I want to start a product review blog, a'la Sundry or Awesome. I just can't come up with a clever name for it. Any suggestions are welcome, AND if I choose your name, I'll give you credit for it. Because I'm fair like that.

can I get a Hell Yeah

2007-10-07T15:22:00.000-05:00

... for Christine, who passed her PA Bar exam!!!! I knew she would, she is one of the smartest people I know, but she likes to walk around pretending like she needs to study and doesn't do enough of it. Whatever girl- You Rock, and you know it.

*****

Yesterday I took Coconut to a dog park for the first time ever. She had the best time, and loved playing with all of the other dogs (my parents' dog just runs away from her). I can't wait to take her back, but I have made the decision to wait until she is fixed. Poor little girl was humped on by every boy-dog in the place at least once. At first, we weren't sure who liked it more, but by the end, you could see that, "get off of me I have a headache" look in her eye, and she is so little that her attempts to escape their grips weren't working. However, we hung around for way longer than I planned because everytime we were about to leave, a new potential friend showed up, and she was just so happy to see everyone who walked through the gates.

Now, I am looking for some of my human friends with dogs less than 35 lbs. to join us. Borrowed dogs will work too... any takers?

*****

Tonight, Alex and I are going to my parents' house for "Family Dinner," which was planned by my brother. He starts a one-month training tomorrow, before leaving for Iraq. When he called to let me know about the dinner, he said, "You don't have to come, but it might be the last time you see me." I know there was an implied, "- before I leave" in there, but it still sent chills down my spine.

I don't believe in god, but if you do, or if you don't, your thoughts, prayers, whatevers, are welcome in order to send some positive energy my brother's way for a safe deployment.

A Boring Night

2007-09-28T18:20:00.000-05:00

Alex is in Boston for the night helping his brother move, and tomorrow night I'll be in NoJo for my former roomie's bachelorette party. Alex is totally excited that his brother is moving back to Jersey, and I am totally stoaked (hehe I said "stoaked") about my friend's wedding and pre-celebrations, but. You know. The first two non-boy nights since we moved in together.

Anyway, I've decided to spend my night like I spend every other night: by ordering Chinese food and a movie OnDemand. I started with The Black Dahlia, but it turned out to be one of those movies that left me wanting to know the ending without actually watching the movie. I nixed it about halfway through, and now I'm catching up on the first two episodes of Survivor: China.

Also, I have been out and in approximately seventy gajillion times with the dog. I'd complain, but she is peeing outside instead of in the house, so... progress.

A Hill of Beans

2007-09-26T17:19:00.000-05:00

I recently uploaded some pics from Kelly's wedding to my flickr* account. Today I noticed that a side profile, taken for the sole purpose of showing off my kickass updo, was tagged as a "favorite" by another user. Thinking that the other user probably had hair similar to mine and was looking for hair ideas for an event, I decided to check out her profile. Except in the profile, it's a he, not a she. Also? He belongs to a photo group called "Brunettes." I am kind of creeped out and thinking maybe he has a fetish. I am not sure I want to be part of a fetish, unless, you know, I know about it before hand and consent.

* For the love of god, why couldn't they have just added the e?!?!

*****

One of my favorite breakfasts is coffee and a banana. I don't know why I don't prefer a Danish or a scone, or a heaping pile of cream chipped beef on toast... Well actually, I would prefer any of those things... just after I eat the banana.

And speaking of coffee: I've been having issues.

I own two coffee makers. One is a little 4-cupper that I bought myself. Cuisinart. Not too expensive. Perfect for its purpose, which is to brew a small amount of regular ol' coffee so that I don't have half a pot of leftovers sitting on my counter getting stale all day.

My other is a Black & Decker Spacemaker 12-cup, which I was given as a very thoughtful housewarming gift when I moved into my apartment. I mounted it under the cabinets, a feature that I loved because my counter space was limited. It also made a decent cup of coffee when anyone other than myself was measuring out the grinds (apparently I lack skill in this area-- always too weak or too strong. I never get that perfect Little Bear "just right" cup of coffee. But I digress.)

The point is, neither of my precious coffee makers is currently working. The small one, which should take about 10 minutes to brew a full pot, takes about 30 minutes. And you know that gurgling sound you hear when the pot is forcing through the last few drops? Yeah, it sounds like that for the entire half hour. Also, the entire outside gets beads of water all over it.

My bigger pot has a similar problem with the beads of water, but minus the gurgling, plus the added bonus of the filter drawer popping out halfway through the brew cycle, causing all of the water to pool up in the filter basket and then flood over. Sidenote: coffee grinds are oddly difficult to clean up.

I thought maybe there was a clog somewhere. I have tried running a cycle of vinegar and water through the small pot. Twice actually, without success. Still with the gurgling and beading.

I guess my point to all of this (sorry to have made a short story long), is that I need a new coffee pot, and need suggestions. I am not picky about grinding the beans myself because I am currently being forced to drink instant, and preground beans are definitely better than that. I don't want to spend a ton of money, though I don't need the cheapest one either (unless it is freakishly the best), and I would not like anything that is too much of a monstrosity, as I am still limited in counter space.

Right now, I am really into the idea of a Keurig or something similar, because of the pre-measured pods and the lack of wasted cups. Though, I wonder if the cost of the pod is still cheaper than stopping at Wawa every morning? I guess it still is if I have no way to get enticed by a breakfast sandwich as well. Added bonus: Maybe my pants will fit.

What kind of coffee maker do you have? And do you love it?

*****

It never fails.

My students are usually pretty bad, but today they were even more ~~fucking annoying~~ ~~deserving of a punch to the jawbone~~ ornery than usual.

This just in from ABC News: Full moon tonight.

WARNING: NASTY BUG PICTURE BELOW!!!

2007-09-21T18:53:00.000-05:00

Last night, I left Coconut outside for a little while, and while usually she just sits by the back door when she wants to come in, this time she was barking madly. I ran downstairs thinking that surely there was an intruder, and that this time she had decided to scare him away rather than roll over onto her back.

I ended up opening the door to her barking at THIS:

I know! What the?!?! When I started taking pics of it, it did this weird little bouncy up-and-down dance. Show off.

I checked whatsthatbug.com, but had no luck. It doesn't match any of the mantises listed, and I am clueless as to what else to check. All I know is, thank goodness for my noisy dog, or I might not have noticed it while opening the door, only to let it in with Coconut. *shudder*

*****

My boys walked out of my classroom singing "dontcha wish your girlfriend was hot like me? dontcha!" That's where that whole comprehension defecit thing really becomes obvious...

The Little Things

2007-09-19T17:10:00.000-05:00

I always get all annoyed when I'm building a taco, because after I add the meat, lettuce, tomato, and shredded cheddar, I have to take a bigger blob of sour cream than I actually want so that it has enough weight to plop onto the taco without me having to either scoop it off the spoon with my finger, or risk getting lettuce stuck all over the spoon.

Alex's Genius Solution to the Sour Cream on My Taco Problem: Spread the sour cream on the shell/tortilla before adding the other fixins.

*****

We're having some issues getting Coconut house trained. She won't poop in the house-- she'll bite you and whine and tug at your pants until you let her out. But the whole peeing thing seems to not be sinking in. Occasionally she'll sit by gate (at the top of the stairs to the outside) for a second, but if you don't notice her, or you're waiting for a commercial, she just finds a nice spot, like anywhere on the floor, and lets it out. It's not even like the pees are so huge that she must have had a whole bowl of water and then held it in forever. I mean, sometimes they are. But sometimes they are tiny little pees that make you question whether or not she just likes to watch you clean it up.

Do any of you use peepee pads for your dogs? I'd like to keep her in the kitchen when I'm at work, rather than in her crate, because it's a long time to go without peeing (I can't do it...), but whenever I put a pad down, we find her sleeping on it like it's a bed, and a puddle just a few feet away on the floor. She has a comfortable bed in there, too! I thought those things are supposed to have some kind of smell that makes dogs want to pee on them? Not my dog.

*****

Kid-Bit

While playing charades...

TantrumKid: acting out "Sawing" by pretending to hold a handle and moving his arm back and forth... you know... like he's sawing something...
ChowDownKid: SLICING LUNCH MEAT!!!

Typical.

Validated?

2007-09-14T19:40:00.001-05:00

This is kind of embarassing to admit, but lately I can't keep myself away from the trainwreck that is Britney Spears. Stop looking at me like that! It's not like I want this!! I don't care about Paris or Lindsey (though I am way too excited about M-K's new role on Weeds...), but something about Britney just pulls me in every time. Okay. The secret is out. Please don't taunt me.

*****

The teacher who got four of my last-year students called me today to tell me that she doesn't know how I did it for an entire year, and that if something doesn't change soon, she is giving her 60-days and working at RopShite. Something about that call made me feel smug and oddly validated, as if my entire year of job-hating depression was not because I am not cut out to teach behavioral kids, but rather, because this particular group of behaviorals was fucking nuts. I know this was only the first full week of school, and I don't want to jinx things, but I already like this year so much better. I spend most of the day laughing (sometimes to myself, and sometimes out loud if I can't hold it in), and though I am exhausted at the end of the day, it is a certain satisfied exhaustion, rather than a frustrated, worn-out, down-in-the-dumps kind of exhaustion.

Not that I wasn't ready for the weekend.

*****

As I mentioned before, ChowDownKid likes to pick a random food daily and yell it out at various times during the day. He doesn't have Turrets or anything. He just likes food. Today's Special: "Sprinkle Cheese!!"

Shit-Faced

2007-09-12T05:50:00.001-05:00

Coconut threw up a shit-loat (no pun intended) of rabbit turds last night. I'm not sure what to do about this. I spend most of my evenings being duped into taking her outside a million times, not so she can pee, but so she can shove her entire face into one of the many rabbit-holes peppering my backyard and feast on their bite-sized raisinettes. I swear I feed my dog-- her food has gravy in it, even! Why does she insist on supplementing her meals with that??

I'd like to get rid of the rabbits altogether, because I feel like fucking* Snow White when I go out back, with the squirrels and the cardinals and blue jays and jesus christ the only animal shit I want in my back yard belongs to my dog, damn it!

* this is an adjective, not a verb

*****

I woke up this morning to an empty bottle of Jim Beam** and a recording on my microwave (yes, our microwave has a voice recorder-- I know, weird) of some fumbling and a slurred "I love you." It's the little things.

** Since I'm not sure if Jim Beam is even a quality bourbon, I feel compelled to clarify that I bought it for a recipe (bourbon bread pudding!) last November because it was the smallest bottle of bourbon they had. It has been hanging around ever since. I didn't think I knew any bourbon drinkers to consume the rest.

Insult to Injury

2007-09-05T05:34:00.000-05:00

After a summer of waking up, not late by some people's standards, but at a regularly swallowable 8 or 9, I am back to 6's. Our bedroom is still dark, Alex gets to stay in bed another 90 minutes, and to top it all off, the banner at the top of my iGoogle page still shows the little bugs snoozing in their sleeping bags. If the bugs aren't up yet, I sure as shit shouldn't be.

Also, I am having an extremely difficult time streamlining the puppy's morning routine. This morning: Wake up, Out to pee, In to eat while I make coffee, Out to poop but doesn't, In while I sit around blogging because I'm afraid that if I go upstairs to shower she will poop in the house. The whole ordeal has taken approximately 40 minutes of my morning thus far, and I absolutely refuse to wake up any earlier. Sidenote: She won't eat if she really has to go to the bathroom, so feeding her before Out to pee won't work. Any suggestions from you dog-owners out there?

P.S. In the time it has taken me to write this, the bugs have woken up, and one of them has apparently gone for a coffee-doughnut run, which they are happily consuming in front of a dawn-colored sky. And yes, maybe I should stop talking about the bugs like they are real... but they are cute... fo sho.

Impending

2007-08-29T19:22:00.001-05:00

Summer school has been over for about 2 weeks, and next week I start up again with the regular school year. My classroom is nowhere near being ready, and this week I am stuck in a three-day autism workshop. Here I go, starting off the new year unprepared again... What else is new?

On the upside, I get a fresh crop of little behavioral darlings. This year's cast:

TantrumKid - 7-year-old known for toddleresque tantrums that include table-flipping and chair-throwing
OCDKid - Lines things up. All things. Crayons on the desk? Must be lined up. Legos? Line 'em up. What? It's time to put this away?? BUT I CAN'T UNTIL I GET THEM ALL INTO A STRAIGHT LINE!!!
ChowDownKid - Loves food, and often amuses himself by listing a list of things he'd like to eat; "chicken cheesesteak, french fries, meatballs, chicken fingers, ice cream, peanut butter and jelly... etc." Frequently pulls up shirt to expose jiggling middle while dancing.
BillCosbyKid - Looks like Little Bill, talks like a cross between big Bill and Bob Dylan's singing voice, and has been known to bring leftover fried shrimp to school. In his backpack. Loose. As in without a container or baggie.
TBD1 - Not sure about this kid, as he entered the other behavioral room toward the end of last year.
TBD2 - Another wild card; first year in a behavioral class.

I'm actually really excited, because I think I needed a change, and I think the personalities of my kids this year are much more quirky, and less angry than last year's group. Hoping for lots and lots of hilarious Kid-Bits to share.

*****

I was excited to find a Chinese delivery place in my area that has ONLINE ORDERING!!! I was able to order dinner tonight, complete with Alex's special-order lo mein (no veggies, pork and egg only-- god forbid there be something healthy in his meal), and pay for it with my credit card, without ever leaving the house! The only disappointing part was the Chicken with Almond Ding, which sounded fun but was disappointing. The veggies weren't cooked enough to accomodate my food allergies, and the chicken was cut too small to make it easy to pick out. Also? I think there might be peanuts instead of almonds. Still, it beats putting a bra on. Uh, which I'd have to do in order to leave the house and pick up the food. Duh.

*****

I've been using Firefox for awhile, and loving it. It made me (too) happy each time I could click on "Open in tabs" and all of my gajillion blogs would open up at once, tabbed right across the top of a single window. Likewise, when I could do a little online shopping comparisons simply by opening "in a new tab." However, during the last month, it has been super-slow, and I have to wait too long for a page to load and for links and menu bars to be clickable. I have tried to uninstall and reinstall without success. I was forced to return to Explorer, which works fine, but only had old blogs bookmarked.

Consequently, I *gasp!* stopped reading my blogs for awhile. I missed them, but was also too lazy to look up all the old addresses on my speed-retarded Firefox.

The silver lining: I have discovered Google Reader. I took the time to get the addresses and add them to my subscriptions, and now, each time I open Explorer, I am greeted with a fresh list of all my IIF's updated blogs on my iGoogle homepage. Dear Google, I love you.